Back in the day when we were a part of another fandom, Nikki and I watched this 1 hour long behind-the-scenes terrible quality cell phone video of a Vanity Fair photoshoot. We didn’t know why we watched the whole thing. Multiple times. But we just knew it was normal because we did it together. And we broke it down. And then started a blog. Over the years we broke down many things and thus the term “Breaking it Down, Vanity-Fair Style” was born. We continue this tradition here at That’s Normal.So this happened last night:
Photographer: Ed Miller Courtesy of: © 2014 Sony Pictures Television Inc.
And Beth and I wasted no time Breaking down #JAMMF Vanity Fair Style
The one where we bring out the defibrillator
Bekah: BETH– how are you? are you breathing? head between your knees, k? Did someone get you an oxygen tank yet? I texted your husband- he said he had one on hand just knowing this would happen.
Beth: Seriously I think my chest seized up for about 10 minutes. I used to have mitral valve prolapse. This is serious
Bekah: Eek. Think we can sue Starz if you die? Should That’s Normal take out a life insurance policy on you? I’ll call my insurance guy tomorrow to get some rates
Beth: I’ll just take the insurance benefits in the form of rolls in the haystacks
Bekah: Okay so let’s break this down…. this is JAMIE, am I right?
Beth: THIS IS MOST DEFINITELY JAMIE.
Bekah:I mean… at first I was like “Sam Heughan as Jamie Fraser!” then I was like wait.. no… that’s Jamie Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser right there
Beth: Exactly. THERE IS NO QUESTION
Real quick confession about Man Skirts
Bekah: Okay confession: I thought all kilts were like… red plaid. So THIS was a nice surprise
Bekah: I won’t hate kilts if we get some blue in there
Beth: This is what, idk, they call the hunting plaid right?
Bekah: You’re asking me? You WOULD know that there’s a hunting plaid.
Beth: When he’s at Leoch they wear dingier plaids. And then when he has the gathering or whatever, he comes in wearing a Mackenzie-like nice plaid. AND THEN when he gets married he brings out the Fraser plaid .. which IS red.
Bekah: Bleh. I’ll hate that Fraser plaid. That’s fine- cuz soon after that there’s NO plaid, which makes up for ugly red plaid.
Beth: I guess it’s like having work trousers vs jeans
Bekah: I’m trying not to be embarrased for you that you know all that.
Bekah: But where is his sporron- what did someone refer to it as? “A little bag that hides their junk?” Don’t they wear that all the time?
Beth: And I guess he only wears his little testicle pouch when he goes out … like a little purse.
Bekah: Ah yes.. a man purse- a “murse” if you will- it keeps his money.. his little bird bones…So anyway.. Jamie Faser in a blue skirt.. I’ll be honest.. I could use a litle tigheter shirt. I know that’s probably not with the times.. but.. I don’t see the muscles that I KNOW he has under there- and I wanna see the muscles, know what I’m saying?
Beth: I can handle kind of loose kilt and blousy shirt. It will get tighter in the wind. Do we think he’s wearing panty hose? Why are his knees so dark?
Bekah: Yeah i was just gonna say…. i see a little dark knee…
Beth: Are those Hanes sheer control tops?
Bekah: When do they wear stockings?
Bekah: Either that or he just had a romp in the mud
Beth: Maybe he’s just been hanging out on his knees
Bekah: doing… stuff
Beth: for some reason…
Bekah: the reason is he’s been..doing… stuff
Beth: Yeah…Stuff that Frank wouldn’t do
Bekah: No Frank would not do those things…
WHY ISN’T HIS HAIR REDDER?
Bekah: Okay so you can say it– you think maybe you were hoping for a bit more red in his hair. But I think this red is PERFECT. It’s my husband’s red which is a good red to me
Beth: IDK if it’s just my screen or what … but it looks a little too brown to me. I think your husband’s hair is a good red too, but I still think this is darker than that
Bekah: the bottom looks very brown– the top, RED. I think there are a lot of textures. Can we get a hair specialist up in here? You got hairdresser on speeddial we can call at 10 pm for emergencies such as these?
Beth: Maybe it’s bc it’s overcast? And when he’s in the sun it will LIGHT UP WITH REDS AND GOLDS
Bekah: Yeah that & there is a wash over the picture- they probably threw it in instagram real quick- Nashville filter, ya’ll
Beth: Yeah. They threw on a Real Quick Lo-FI
Beth: OMG I just noticed- his PLAID is dragging the ground- like the part he is always throwing around Claire!!!!
Bekah: Is it?
Beth: Yes, look behind his left leg. THERE IS ALL THIS PLAID for him to warm her with!!
Bekah: Oh man… now that makes sense.. I always read that & thought he was showing off the boys when he whipped his plaid up around her. Man- that shit must be heavy… good though…
Beth: Yeah there’s a log of fabric for them to do it under/over.
Bekah: For them to DO IT on. JINX
Beth: It must DRAG DOWN on his waist .. and his crack must show
Bekah: Buttcrack Jamie Fraser
ON a Scale of 1 to 1 million…
Bekah: But his JAW- ugh! Look at the lickability of it
Bekah: On a scale of 1-10 of lickability.. it’s a 12 right? A TWELVE
Beth: UM THAT JAW IS LIKE GRANITE
Bekah: And that OPEN chest. On the scale of: can you put your hands all over that and under and into the shirt from 1-10. Like a 15? 16? maybe?
Beth: like easily a 34
Bekah: and they don’t discover top buttons right? like… every episode, every week.. we’re going to see open top chest. sigh…
Beth: GOOD lord
Bekah: I’m gonna need to get your hook up on oxygen tanks (good laird, you mean right?)
Beth: haha. Claire’s gonna be checking out those scars and wounds on the regular so we’re gonna get a whole lot more than open collars.
Real quick observation of hedgehogs
Beth: Look at his eyes too … they are super JAMIE
Bekah: Yes. So serious. So in control. He’s such a leader. A Laird.
Beth: So… slanted
Bekah: Haha.. yes that too- slanted
Beth: I’m being literal here.
Bekah: We’re totally taking two different angles with his eyes.
Beth: What’s he looking at, do you think? Like what is this scene?
Bekah: I dunno.. Maybe Murtagh & the others are showing him how to have sex? A demonstration? They’re giving him a lesson. and he’s not sure whether to believe them. Hence the slanted eyes. Actually they’re IN that haystack because they told them that’s where women like to make love
Beth: Maybe he’s watching those snakes have sex. He’s like TWO COCKS, AYE. Tryna figure out if the female snake is liking it
Bekah: He’s watching a hedgehog make love
Beth: Hence the squinting
AND WE’RE OVERWHELMED
Beth: I’M still overwhelmed that this is AN ACTUAL PROMO shot of an actual scene in outlander. Like that’s the f*cking stableyard at Leoch.
Bekah: yep. AMAZING
Beth: I mean, look how easy it is to undo that belt!!!!
Bekah: It’s just HANGING THERE. Grab your dirk. One little swoop. He’s all yours. Gah I’m creepy
Beth: There’s naught but wee jamie under there. GOD I HATE THAT I JUST TYPED THAT
Bekah: I don’t think it’s so wee….
Beth: Not so wee. “aye maybe seven”
(credit: CassandraTikkanen @Sc0rp10n13)
Beth: WAIT. Are those sweat stains?
Bekah: Under the pits?
Beth: yes- like a giant sweat stain.
Bekah: Well.. it’s hard work being so damn attractive…
Beth: Can we talk about how he looks like he just got done doing claire IN that wagon. He looks hastily dressed and very rumpled
Bekah: You’re right. This is definitly freshly F*cked JAMMF right here
Beth: Had a real quick roll in the hay
Bekah: Real quick hop under his blue kilt to take pleasure from each other
Beth: Real quick waterweed…
Okay Jamie Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser, you’re KILLING us!!
What do you think? Did they Nail it or Did they nail it?