Tonight at dinner (for some context: I’m on vacation with my family and I have 3 younger sisters), it came to my attention that the whole world does not know about Fabio.
And upon discovering this fact and trying to explain to my father & 19 year old sister WHO Fabio is, I realized I know very little. Too little. And that is unacceptable. Everyone knows (except for family, apparently) that Fabio was the face of “I can’t believe it’s not butter,” and that he’s an Italian model that graced the cover of dozens of romance novels, but today I am doing a deep dive in the Fabio archives and bringing you:
Five Fun Facts about Fabio
1.Fabio Fans touch themselves while listening to this album
Fabio released an album called Fabio After Dark in 1994 which included his thoughts on love and romance, set to music straight out of a 70s porno. If you don’t listen to at least 2 minutes of this masterpiece, we can’t be friends.
2. Fabio launched a woman’s clothing line for Sam’s Club in the early 2000’s
Where you could buy affordable chic styles like seen above.
3. Fabio once got hit in the face with a 20lb goose at Busch Gardens
This is for real. He was there to launch a new roller coaster. On its descent the coaster passed over a pond, where a goose flew up and hit Fabio in the nose. Please take note of the girl DYING of laughter in the seat behind him. That girl is my hero.
4. There is Fabio Fan Fiction
And real life fan fiction is my FAVORITE. Here is an excerpt from He loves me not:
5. Fabio has MAJOR Fans
I could get lost in this fandom, but I’ll just present you The Fabio International Fan Club
which is run by the world’s biggest Fabio fan Donnamaie who is working on a book called Adventures in Stalking Fabio which chronicles her Adventures Stalking Fabio since the 1990s. You can read short stories about her experiences here. If Nikki and I didn’t stop writing Letters to Rob Pattinson last year, do you think we would be Donnamaie in 20 years, still trying to get our “That one time we took a cardboard cut out of Rob Pattinson to a movie premiere” book published? It kinda feels like the same thing.
And lest you think Fabio is nowhere to be found, or slithered away in embarrassment after getting hit in the head by a goose, or after listening to his album Fabio after Dark for the first time this decade, you just missed a few appearances in the Sacramento area at the local Whole Foods. I don’t understand the connection between model-turned-not butter-spokesperson-turned-spoken-word-poet and Whole Foods, but as of 2012 Fabio’s muscles were looking tight as ever, so maybe he has a secret:
If you want to keep up on everything Fabio (and you know you want to) join all 158 members of the Official Fabio Facebook Group
How glad are you that I spent my Monday evening on vacation researching Fabio for you all? I hope you appreciate me for all the sacrificing I do on your behalf.
Do you love Fabio? Can YOU believe it’s not butter?