We’re Going to Comic-Con, Bitches!
That’s right: That’s Normal is going to SDCC 2013.
Jamie, Bekah, Nikki, & Elise will be holding court in San Diego this July (wahh, we’ll miss Beth and will try to get her next year!). Jamie and Nikki are both Comic-Con veterans, but Bekah and Elise are virgins. Like all virgins, they have some EXPECTATIONS. Specifically, very high expectations. That may or may not be unrealistic. Let’s leave it up to you to decide, in this first post of our Comic-Con series:
Elise: So Nikki and Jamie told us we’re going to Comic-Con, and we have a faint idea of what that is. Mostly we know it is in California, and we get to stay in a hotel for a few days and drink Sage. So, duh. I’m in.
Bekah: Yes- we’ve heard things over the years- seen pictures, watched movies. and we’re pretty sure we know exactly how it’s going down. Since we’re basically experts, we are going to share our expectations. Here we go:
Bekah: There’s gonna be a LOT of it because ALL the guys look like Seth Cohen from The OC
Elise: I’ve heard that the scheduled activities/socializing pretty much boil down to: SEX. It’s basically the biggest mixer of the year.
Bekah: It’s the one time of year the geeks of the world come together, find their geek match and just SEX all night long. Like i’ve already packed my best headphones beause I expect the geek sex will be so loud in the hotel
Elise: And there’s so much scissoring while in costume. And lots of sword crossing, Khal Drogo teaching, Ladies of Tampa kind of action, etc.
Bekah: Is that like Cosplayin?
Elise: ehhh I think it’s just said “cosplay.” It’s a noun, whereas LARP is a verb.
Bekah: I literally have no idea what these two are. I can GUESS what cosplay is– you sent me that text of Channing Tatum Humping the floor in gif form…
Bekah: Is that what I should expect?
Elise: I mean, that’s what I’m expecting. Is that not right?
Elise: Anyways, LARPing is cosplay but like…gone method. In action form. So, actually floor humping–not just in Channing costume–but walking around, pretending you are in Tampa living the good life. LARPing takes a level of commitment beyond just cosplay.
Bekah: And people will be walking around LARPING? I’m so confused. Can you use the two in a sentence?
Elise: “Let’s go LARPing at the field this weekend.” Or “I’m really into cosplay–do you have a metal thong?”
Bekah: Is there Twilight cosplay? Or do you LARP Twilight?
Elise: I think people might LARP Twilight in the privacy of their own homes.
Bekah: Ok, so my only expectation of LARPing is that everyone is into the Fever series as much as me.. and so basically it will be a bunch of Barrons and Macs walking around. Obviously that’s a big part of the sex.
Elise: My cosplay outfit will be dictated primarily by a)what is sexiest because there will be a lot of hot guys and b)what I can spend the least $ on
Bekah: Oh yes sexy is an obvious one. I think of comic con and I immediately think of Wonder Woman outfits, but mostly that’s b/c I’ve watched A LOT of The OC in my life… And I don’t think I’d look as good as Summer Roberts, but I love cats.. so.. I could do Cat Woman.. maybe like.. Cat Woman and…. something else. but I definitely think I’ll cosplay something cat-like. (This is before she saw her superhero above, taking a selfie with a cat).
Bekah: Maybe a mixture between Taylor Swift’s at headband in her 22 video (LOVE) and cat woman. I think all the Seth Cohen Geek Comic Con attendees would like that.
Elise: True. Plus that’s a great way to find your people. Nothing says sex like clicky lights duct taped to a pink bike helmet, paired with a frothy skirt. So that’s obviously what i’m going with.
Elise: So after you’re worn out from all the LARPing and SEXing, I guess there are panels? What kinds of panels are you expecting?
Bekah: Fan Fiction.
Elise: You mean like tumblr come to life?
Bekah: Yes. What else? What do you expect?
Bekah: I imagine a lot of screaming during the panels.
Elise: Do you think there will be a fan fiction LARP sesh in one of the halls?
Bekah: I think you have to pay extra for that one, but YES that happens
Elise: Comic-Con is rated NC-17, right?
Bekah: For sure. There will be no little kids ANYWHERE.
Elise: Since I won’t actually be inside, I’m looking forward to the caliber of fans who still come to the SD area to wander around the perimeter. That will be my panel equivalent. Maybe I’ll actually form my own panel discussion. Of superfans.
Bekah: You will have tons of those to become BFFs with.
Elise: I’m hoping to hook up with a movie star in disguise as a homeless person, a la Lindsay Bluth.
Bekah: And Pacey and Dawson from Dawson’s Creek. They were there last year– for Funny or Die maybe? They definetly go every year. I bet you’ll be able to be in their sketch
Elise: I want more for Pacey. I loved Fringe. …Asteroid. Ostrich. Ashcan.
Elise: I will be on the prowl for all things famous and crazy
Bekah: You will be our link to the outside.
Bekah: And obviously when we’re bored and Nikki and Jamie want to do something really geeky like sit in on a Doctor Who panel, we will go to the beach.
Elise: But more importantly, what kinds of tacos will we have.
Bekah: FISH tacos; SHRIMP tacos; BLACK BEAN Tacos
Elise: Fish tacos are a must, and I will eat my weight in guacamole. This is the real reason for the trip, if we’re being honest.
Bekah: I wonder if the taco stands change the taco names for the theme. Like… is there a fish super hero?
Bekah: Because I’m only thinking of characters from Finding Nemo.
Elise: Can you imagine a really fat superhero who eats too many tacos? El Hombre Grande? The Adventures of Pico de Gallo? Ugh this is lame. My brain hears “tacos” and stops all pun functioning. Moving on.
Bekah: Okay on to the best part: The PARTIES- because that’s a thing, and I’m excited to see how many we can weasel our way into.
Elise: Oh I know nothing of this. Will Amy Poehler be there? She’s kind of nerdy, in the best way.
Bekah: Well movie studios and networks have parties… I think book publishers. And I assume Karen Moning (the Fever Series) comes and invites all her fantasy Barrons …I mean.. just a guess.. I would if I were her.
Elise: You know what? She needs to stop partying and write some fucking books.
Bekah: You can tell her that at the party. Basically if you’re a buff dude with long hair you go to that party..and all the girls are given MacHalos at the door.
Elise: KMM’s got a binder full of muscle milk addicts, amiright? (Throwback election joke! Nailed it!)
Elise: So who do we want to party with? My answer: GOT people, for one. They seem like a good time.
Bekah: In Cosplay form? Or real?
Elise: In cosplay form, if we could just find the KMM (Fever series) party. But otherwise, in real life. This is confusing. What is real life, again?
Bekah: I mean.. this is easy: Ian Somerhalder, Theo James, Aaron Tveit (b/c Graceland BETTER figure out a way to have some supernatural theme and be there SOON)
Elise: Hahahaha we need to brainstorm supernatural plotlines for Graceland soon. I haven’t watched yet, so that will be easy.
Bekah: “Ways to get Aaron Tveit to Comic Con.” Coming to an Internet Website near you.
Nothing says quality like a typo in your marketing! Source
Bekah: What do you think we’ll get? Condoms obviously- Marvel vs. DC- they check the trash after the event.. see how many of which got used… therefore that’s the best company
Elise: Probably body jewels. Stick on rhinestones.
Bekah: Yeah. Capes
Elise: Masks, because shame.
Bekah: Big ass bad wolf tattoos. I don’t know why. Seems right.
Bekah: Flasks. So you get drunk enough to LARP as something by the end of the week.
Elise: Plan B.
Bekah: FOR SURE.
Bekah: Instructional booklet for the first timers (SEX). Pictures and demostrations with wonder woman of course
Bekah: Think any porn stars are there?
Elise: Only supernatural porn.
Bekah: Just googled supernatural porn.
Bekah: I found something for “Supernatural Fans” Jamie will be happy. Wait– you like it too!!!
Elise: Uh no. It’s all Sam/Dean slash. Not my cup of tea. I don’t dare wander into that swamp.
Bekah: Do you think there are dudes that come with their bffs and like.. ya know… hold hands and make it SEEM like there’s more.. b/c they know some girls are into Slash? Cause I do.
Elise: So that’s what I don’t get. It sure doesn’t seem like people are into it in real life– it’s also the one direction phenomenon.
Bekah: YES. So weird.
Elise: Are they shipping them because it makes it easier to accept they’ll never be with them themselves?
Bekah: Like who wants to think about two 18 year old boys DOING IT? I don’t get it.. I never have
Elise: It seems to happen a lot though, and again I’m talking about heterosexual women writing and reading slash of two male characters.
Bekah: Do they envision themselves in the middle??
Bekah: Because that’s different.. but even then… The dudes are still into each other.
Elise: I don’t even know. This has taken a turn. (Is that what she said? IS IT?!?!!)
This stuff definitely happens during Comic Con
Elise: Ok, so to wrap up: what are some misconceptions about Comic Con that we DEFINITELY expect to be there or happen? Like there’s definitely a farmer’s market, right?
Bekah: Yes and there are bathrooms everywhere and I’ll never have to wait in line.
Elise: The market will have fresh juices and salad.
Bekah: It will never be chilly at night in San Diego.
Bekah: We’ll have so much time to go to the beach.
Bekah: And the water will be warm.
Bekah: We will never get annoyed at the people around us. EVER.
Elise: People smell great.
Bekah: They DEF smell good. Even after 4 days in the same costume. 500,000 people descending on one city is no big deal at all.
Bekah: The line for coffee will be short.
Bekah: NO one will judge me for not knowing ANYTHING geeky.
Elise: You will never see a boob you don’t want to.
Bekah: From a female OR male.
Bekah: Rob Pattinson will show up.. just because he misses it.
Bekah: We WILL get a picture with Pattinson Pants.
Elise: That is true.
Elise: I wonder if there’s a separate Fan Pants convention—of all the pants people from all the fandoms. A con full of pants, full of faces.
Bekah: Theo James can’t wait to party with us. I wonder if there’s a Divergent pants lady yet.. i guess that’s Theo James pants.
Bekah: Something to consider doing.. while we’re busy standing in line for Hall H.
Bekah: My phone will stay charged all day long.
Bekah: And my feet will never hurt.
Bekah: Man this sounds like it sucks…. Why are we going again!?
Bekah: Oh that’s right. TACOS.
Elise: And male strippers in Gandalf outfits.
Bekah: That’s right– we’ll definitely have plentiful options of attractive strippers to entertain us while we’re getting ready to go out at night right?
Bekah: (another guarantee– plentiful mirror space in our bathroom- 4 girls is NOTHING)
Elise: Trust me, already thought of that. Might bring a mirror.
Bekah: The liquor store will have a sale on SAGE our drink of the week.
Bekah: Jamie will braid my hair in the cutest of cute braids every day. And I’ll look sexy. Not 12.
Bekah: At least we can actually guarantee a good hair week because it’s california and next to tacos it’s the thing they are best at.
Elise: So in conclusion, we are ready for tacos, great hair, tons of beach time, sexy LARPing, lots of Seth Cohens, and green juice. This sounds like the best trip ever! Nothing can go wrong! Right?
Have you been to Comic-Con? How accurate are our expectations? Are you going this year? Stay tuned for more TN Goes to Comic-Con posts!