It’s just a regular hump day (I really REALLY hate that term, but it is apropos). You’re at work, wishing it was closer to the weekend. Today is nothing special, but I’m about to turn it around for you. Maybe you don’t need someone else to add to your Freebie Five. But I am being generous and giving you my ultimate: Mr. John Krasinski. He’s been at the top of my list for YEARS, and just when I think he might be lagging, he breaks out the FULL BEARD and does this shizz. John, I will never quit you. I’ll never want to.
Ho-boy. Take a second to let it sink in.
Ok, first of all, John created this game himself: ergo can you just IMAGINE how much fun he is in real life, to have at dinner parties, to simply watch at a bar? He has no shame, but he’s not a show-off. There is perfect balance to being a funny, intelligent, socialable guy and he has always had it. Now, let’s break it down.
TEENAGE DREAM
Is he SERIOUS with that crooked smile and little shoulder shrug? Let me tell you something, I’ve seen every movie, every Office episode and almost every interview of John’s ever aired, and I’ve NEVER seen him make that gesture/face. SLAIN. And toward the end? Oh, he wanted to keep dancing. It was effort not to pop and lock.
PETER PIPER
All I see his HANDS. FINGERS. HANDS. FINGERS. And yeah, John, you can’t keep that jacket buttoned up. We know how that pectoral girdle works, JBK. We know.
(Sidenote for Jimmy: He’s actually a better lip sync-er and when he busted out that Star Search champion performance I thought I was going to lose it with how perfect it was. Star Search IS our childhood. And when I say “our” I obviously – crazily – mean mine and John’s.)
BOYZ II MEN
(I can’t type the title of this song because it’s John, and well, I just can’t ok?) When he put his fingers to his ear all bets were off. Immediate cackles. It’s so perfectly B2M. Then … oh then … that jacket move. The tie. The bouncing.
Let me preface my freakout by saying that John and I are the same age, and anyone who grew up listening to 90s R&B knows those moves by heart. But seeing Bearded!John do it? You guys. I HAVE COMPLETELY LOST THE ABILITY TO BREATHE.
John has always been my #1 because he’s funny, sweet, talented, smart, etc. He’s rarely overtly like … sexy. I mean, there is this one moment in an old movie he did where he does Michael Jackson moves in a suit and it would make me LOSE MY MIND. But usually he doesn’t do much that isn’t SILLY. And here, I know he WAS being silly, but it doesn’t matter. No one has ever been more attractive, ever.
PS … John, if you’re reading this and you ever want to get together and …. karaoke … I’m DTK.
Let’s recap.
John is perfect.
I am completely in love with him.
And you should be too.
