Basically, the most fun thing to do at a time like this is debate (with sexy gifs and youtube clips) which Mr. Darcy is the definitive one. Firth or MacFadyen. Well. Let’s get it out of our systems.
Got your fix? All better? Good.
Here’s where I remind everyone of what I like to call the Miss Bingley Syndrome: While it is fun to swoon and flail, Mr. Darcy (and Elizabeth for that matter) would barely tolerate the kind of women who fawn all over Mr. Darcy. I mean, I’m not sure what the 19th century equivalent for carrying around a I <3 Mr. Darcy tote bag would be, but I’m pretty sure he makes this face when he sees one.
(That’s never stopped me either, though, so proceed.)
But what would Mr Darcy really have been like? This was 200 years ago, and I’m sure dudes were totally different than we expect them to be.
- Well, for one, being part of the landed gentry, he didn’t have to work. Ever been involved with a man who for whatever reason has no occupation? Um, no thanks but I’ll take a vicar or an attorney or a something, who has no time to follow me around the house, complaining that the laundry’s not getting done fast enough or sit with me at Starbucks while I’m trying to work “so we can have some couple time,” or (God forbid) shop at Target with me. There are just some things a girl’s gotta get done while a guy’s at work. AMIRITE?
- He most likely had a constant 7/10 split. Have you seen these breeches? I mean, it can be kind of hot, but I’m pretty sure all that obvious hangtime gets old.
- He really is … kiiiinnnndd of an asshole. I am almost positive that married Lizzie had to have a signal or something when he was being particularly mean to randoms at the latest ball. If he’s across the room and making bitchfaces at everyone, she tugs on her earlobe. If she’s standing near him and he purposefully ignores Sir Lucas AGAIN, she pinches his inner elbow. If she’s across the table, she throws a slice of ham. That’s exhausting.
- Okay, okay. So he was also probably super fun to be married to. He’s totally aloof and appropriate in polite society but on the carriage ride home, ONLY Lizzie gets his subtle, smirky comments about Mr. Hurst’s flatulence. That’s just a good time right there.
- Ew, but what if his hair was like this?
- Darcy also had more money than sense, so you never really have to fight about whether or not it was time to get Dish network because your Uverse bundle expired.
So no matter which film version you prefer, no matter if you read Austen at 13, and re-read every year in May (yes, I do that) or if you read Pride and Prejudice for the first time after seeing The Lizzie Bennett Diaries and you had to use a thesaurus and the abridged version, CELEBRATE with some tea and a marathon, or this fanmade trailer that makes the movie seem super dramatic and starring no one but Elizabeth and Darcy. But first, tell us: Firth or MacFadyen????????
And wake me in five years when it’s the 200th anniversary for Persuasion because Captain Wentworth can get it, y’all.