Hey guys, wanna know what I hope happens in the fall finale of Revolution? I hope they walk around the Philadelphia subway system for an hour and have hallucinations where nothing happens. I also hope the oxygen is mysteriously cut off to the subway tunnel and they don’t show JD Pardo aka Nate/Jason/Whoever ONCE. That’d be the best episode ever. Or THE WORST. I was hoping we’d learn something that actually furthers the plotline. Like why these people didn’t move to a warmer climate or how that Rachel lady got to be all hardcore and badass but this is from the folks who created Lost so we could just be waiting around for another Smoke Monster.
Who are we kidding? We love this shit.
So yea, this was the “FALL FINALE.” Can we take a moment and say that mid season finale’s are CRAP. What else are we supposed to do now when we go visit our parents during the Holidays? I can only watch so many reruns of “Alaska: The Final Frontier” and “Diners, Drive In’s and Dives” with my parents before I pull a Rachel and get stabby with a screw driver.
At some point I really hope we find out what happened between Mr. Schuester and Charlie Swan. Clearly at one point they had a total bro-love affair? Were they frat brothers? Did a game of flip cup go horribly wrong one night? Why did Miles leave Mr. Schuester? Can the Glee kids get them back together with a song and dance number?
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Really? the ol sexy voice/boob shirt combo worked on a war griseled old dude? When has just prancing up to a terrorist stronghold with a low cut shirt ever worked? Is it really that simple? All those years we were trying to get Osama Bin Laden, we wasted billions of dollars in intellegence and surveillance when all we needed to do was send in a semi hot woman to the front door of the Bin Laden compound and have her flirt with the door guy?!
I’ve got an idea… it involves me slutty top…
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Damn. They got me again.
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We interrupt this post to bring our bi-show plead: WHERE IS JD???
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Aaron Pittman the “Google Genius” has ONE expression: shocked disbelief. For EVERYTHING. The power went off? Shocked disbelief. Miles was an ex-Militia Member? Shocked Disbelief. Charlie is going to wear a slutty dress to win that guy over?! Shocked disbelief. I left my wife because I’m a chicken?! Shocked disbelief. No one at Google has ever heard of an Aaron Pittman?! Shocked disbelief.
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Evangeline Lily, who?
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WHHHHHAAA??!?!?! They just put Charlie in with her stabby mom??? Someone take the screwdrivers away!
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Does anyone get the feeling they shoot this show in a high school auditorium and throw in a green screen occasionally?
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Aaron Pittman = the wizard of Google. Eh, he’s not these guys………. shocked disbelief.
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Anytime Gus Fring smiles my bladder crawls into my throat. Giancarlo is THAT creepy. Ugh, love him. Also, Gus Fring’s wife = a stone cold fox. This is like when the dorky CPA who makes bank enlists the help of that Millionaire Matchmaker lady on Bravo and ends up with a smokin’ hot trophy wife. Then they both end up on Real Housewives of Wherever and then she gets plastic surgery and looks like a dried up piece of beef jerky with duck lips. And then he hates her because he’s still an accountant and he has to wear the ugly True Religion jeans she bought him. And then they go to couples counseling (for the show) and then he kills himself. (too soon?).
And REALLY Miles, the ol put a heavy piece of furniture in front of the door and they totally won’t get out AT ALL trick?
Kill Charlie! Choose Charlie mom! Save the extra from that CW show. I mean Danny!
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If Rachel can MacGyver an “amplifier” out of some junk they found in a trash heap and some left over parts from an abandoned Prius than how is she stuck in an abondoned power plant in Philly with these knuckleheads?
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Mr. Shue is doing this all because Harry Potter is over? Don’t get me wrong, our love for Harry, Ron and Hermione is strong but not post-apocalyptic-psycho-killer-I-love-you -Miles-forever, strong. Get a grip man.
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Hey Aaron, here’s my backpack. I put some pipe-bombs in there just in cases, they’re next to the tampons and hand sanitizer. You know what to do with pipe bombs, right?
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Wait, Uncle Miles didn’t even know his own nephew??? He did this all for a dude from an ABC family show, he’s never met?? Does ANYONE remember why they’re doing this? DANNY?!
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No means no, asshole!! So does this hammer in your chest. Cue your secret lovah finding you hacking some creep to death. So there’s definitely some sort of secret love affair between Miles and Rachel, right??? And Rachel is definitely up to no good, right?! TELL US SOMETHING REVOLUTION!
I hope in the spring the militia tackles the basics of shooting with their soldiers. They really need to retrain their troops, they have automatic weapons and can’t hit the broad side of a barn, much less their most wanted dudes.
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OMG where is Jason/Nate???
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Tattoos. Kids these days.
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Come at me bro!
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Cue epic (totally non homoerotic) sword fight between Miles and Mr. Shue. Just like the good ol days, kids!
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Meanwhile the Google genius can’t figure out how to light a match to set off the pipe bombs to save everyone’s life.
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Awwww yay, Aaron figured out how to light a match and now the gang’s all back together! Oh wait, there’s a helicopter that is somehow airborne and has a working machine gun. So did Rachel not bust up the amplifier after she thwarted that rape-y dude or did she leave it intact? Or is JJ Abrams and NBC just trolling us all and there’s always been electricity? WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE THAT THING IN THE HANDS OF MR. SCHU?! UGH.
And now we have to wait to 2013?!?!?! Midseason finales are THE worst! Although, with the amount of Revolution fanart and Miles/Monroe slash fanfic happening over on Tumblr, I’m sure I’ll find enough to keep me occupied till friggin March when this show returns. UGH! Ok, who is watching this show? Who is going to join me in trying to figure out what in the HALE is going on?!
PS One last time: WHERE IS Jason/Nate??!?!?!
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Sources: NBC, Revolution Tumblr, Sympathetic Revolution
