I know that there have been episodes where Cheddar plays a pivotal role in advancing a storyline involving everyone’s favourite detective squad. But he hasn’t been given the chance to shine in his own right.
Also, he’s a corgi. And who doesn’t love corgis?
… maybe Amy.
Cheddar has actually been played by a number of corgis on Brooklyn Nine Nine. And if you’re an eagle eyed (or corgi obsessed) fan like myself you’ll likely pick up on the subtle differences (the episode where Cheddar is lost immediately comes to mind). But the longest reigning corgi to the throne of Cheddar is Stewart, an 11 year old dog whose snoot I definitely want to boop.
But how what exactly would more Cheddar centric episode entail? He’s already had the entire squad searching for him! My friends, we need an episode told entirely from Cheddar’s perspective. Where he solves crimes.
Dog crimes.
Look at him go! On his way to solve dog crimes!
Please explain.
“Dog crimes?”
Yes, dog crimes. Let me spin it for you …
We open on a shot of Captain Holt and Kevin’s home. My favourite TV husbands are getting ready for their respective work days, trading declarations of affection in their specific brand of Holt and Kevin way.
Our favourite primetime corgi is lounging in his chair (of course he has his own chair), watching his humans because he loves them so much. After Holt and Kevin say their respective goodbyes to one another and their best boy, Cheddar is left to his own devices.
Cheddar has access to the family backyard through a doggy door and on warm, sunny days he likes to lay in the sun on a patch of grass … and converse with the neighbour dog through a hole in the fence, who I’ve decided is a merle coloured Miniature Australian Shepherd named … Tim? I dunno, I love when dogs have people names.
Who’s a good boy?
But Tim seems distressed. Communicating via a series of barks (look, they’re still dogs they’re not going to say actual words that would be weird), Tim reveals knowledge of a local puppy mill. Oh no! Poor puppers!
Puppy mills are no joke, and time is of the essence to ensure that the puppies get the care that they likely need. The suspected location of the puppy mill isn’t far away, and though Cheddar’s legs are short he can move really fast!
Tim wants to help, but he injured a leg in a frisbee catching incident (he doesn’t want to talk about it), and can’t adequately dig or liberate himself from his humans’ fenced backyard.
Cheddar knows he’s not supposed to leave the backyard, because he’s a good boy … even if he did eat Jake and Amy’s wedding cake (he’s not made of stone).
Don’t tell anyone, but he enjoyed every bite.
Cheddar’s on the case!
Screw it. Cheddar’s gotta save those pups!
There’s a loose board in the fence that he can get his little sausage body through, so he does.
Remember when I said that you can tell Cheddar is played by a different dog?
Using the impeccable detective skills that he learned from Captain Holt, and his cute widdle face, Cheddar is able to gather information from his fellow canines, and obtain rides from humans. He locates the puppy mill, which is operating out of the back of a popular sandwich shop.
But what can he do to save the dogs that trapped there? He lacks opposable thumbs! Cheddar leaves the back room where the puppy mill is operating out of and returns to the outside of the sandwich shop. There he finds … Jake!
JAKE! JAKE! JAKE! JAKE!
Jake is taking is daily 2:15 pm sandwich break, and when he sees Cheddar he’s immediately suspicious. While Jake seems intent on taking Cheddar back to the station to get him to Captain Holt, Cheddar resists, and leads Jake to the back of the building.
When Jake sees what’s happening, he does … detective and police things. Chasing dudes, calling for backup, yelling “NYPD!” You know, that sort of thing.
The thrilling conclusion
The operators of the puppy mill are arrested, and the squad hosts an adoption event to help all of the puppies and dogs in the mill find their forever homes. When Captain Holt congratulates Jake on a job well done, Jake informs him that it was actually Cheddar who located the mill, doing the majority of the (stumpy) leg work.
In recognition of his efforts, Cheddar is given the keys to the city and all of the biscuits that he could ever want!
Cheddar is also made sergeant. Hey, I don’t make the rules.
There. I just took care of one of next season’s episodes for you, Michael Schur. You’re welcome.
