Last week, an interview in the New York Times with the cast of Arrested Development got quite a bit of attention when male members of the cast, notably Jason Bateman, lectured Jessica Walter on why the mistreatment she suffered at the hands of Jeffrey Tambor wasn’t the big deal she thought it was.
Bateman got a lot of flack for it, but in a way you have to feel for the guy. Everyone focused on what the woman in the situation must be feeling, and not the man who found that woman’s feelings inconvenient. Sure, women have had to endure garbage from men for literally thousands of years, but have we really taken a moment to think about the fact that men have really had to take a hard look at their thoughts and behaviors for almost EIGHT MONTHS now?
It was truly generous of Jason Bateman to dismiss Jessica Walter’s experience right to her face as she cried. Tears of both gratitude and bitter regret I’m sure. To think she’s lived such a long time misunderstanding her own reality without a man who wasn’t even born when she was nominated for her first acting award around to explain to her what Hollywood sets are like. She must have been so relieved. That’s what I assume, although without a man almost thirty years younger than me to consult I can’t be positive. I suppose I could ask my 16-month-old nephew, since he’s the closest I have, but he’s not so good with the words yet. I’m sure, “You don’t know how scary it is to be a man these days!” is what he would explain to me if he could.
What women should actually be talking about is how badly we’re screwing the pooch with this #MeToo and Time’s Up thing. It’s making men feel weird, and that’s the very highest price there is to pay.
You may have seen an upswing of stories in the news about several terrorist attacks, including the recent school shooting in Santa Fe, committed by men who think people deserve to die because women don’t like them. I was under the impression they should be held accountable for their actions, but I forgot how betrayed that must make men feel. As women, have we considered what it must be like to not get something we want? Every woman reading this knows perfectly well that every man we’ve ever liked has liked us back and that we’ve never faced rejection. It’s a pretty sweet deal. We talk about it all the time at the jobs we get based solely on our qualifications and abilities!
When the story about film producer Harvey Weinstein’s long and perverse history of sexual harassment was revealed last fall, that heavy sense of dread I carried around in my stomach for weeks despite nothing as bad as the things he was accused of ever happening to me — but knowing that they easily could, and knowing they had happened to countless women I care about — was all for nothing. And it pains me to think that I may have hurt men’s feelings by going full Shrill Harridan when a man who was caught on tape openly bragging about committing sexual assault was elected to the most important job in the world. Is Matt Damon still fighting the good fight on this issue? He’d make me feel better.
Ladies, the next time something affects you as a woman, please pause to wonder, “But what would a man think about this?” and ruminate on that for a hot second, because men should be the top priority when it comes to women’s rights. It’s unreasonable for us to create a world in which half the population is socialized to be hyper-aware of everything they do and say. Imagine what it would be like if WE had to do that.
If there’s one thing we know for sure, it’s that men have proven themselves very open to listening to the female experience. The least we can do is return the favor. Let a man explain something to you today.
