Ok, so a white interloper from Britain… pretty much Jamie and Claire in Jamacia… BUT then my eye caught this meaning on Urban Dictionary:
Has Bakra been white-washed from our lexicon AND am I really going to be reviewing an episode about a Slave Master?!?!?!?! As if Claire walking through the jungle for 30 minutes last week wasn’t bad enough, now I’m the one in charge of writing a “funny” review about the white oppressive slave master?!
NOT SO FAST Nikki, in a surprise twist of events (because I totally forgot the last few chapters of Voyager), The Bakra is Geillis Duncan but really it might actually be Claire because she accidentally buys a slave while in Jamaica in this episode. As you do. But more on that later.
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1. Hey look, it’s a flashback!
Remember when I complained about the lack of flashbacks to help tell the story of Outlander when I reviewed Godless? Well turns out, this week’s episode begins by flashingback to Young Ian being kidnapped from Silkie Island and what actually happened to him. As we come to find out, these Portuguese Pirates are on a mission for, who else? The Bakra! And Young Ian, like me doesn’t know what The Bakra means or who they are.
SURPRISE! The Bakra is Geillis Duncan, who is now somehow a mix between Melisandre from Game of Thrones and that scene from American Gods with all the blood. Young Ian is brought to Geillis’ chambers in a scene that is a bit of a reverse Harvey Weinstein, in that he’s forced to watch Geillis take a goat’s blood bath, tell her everything she wants to hear via an 18th century Roofie, and then have nonconsensual sex with her.
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We noticed that too: Geillis must be a witch, imagine the screaming yeast infection and UTI from taking a bath in goat’s blood.
PS The LEAST sexiest move I can think of is, a foot in the crotch. Smooth move Ex-lax.
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2. Oops, I Bought A Slave
Meanwhile over on the Black Sails Nassau set, Claire and Jamie are trying to not so covertly find Young Ian, but in a total Outlander turn of events, end up buying a slave. Cause that’s something you want written about you into the annals of history. THANKS JAMIE.
Are we really supposed to believe Temeraire, the slave, speaks and understands English and is trustworthy enough to share our whole secret plan? And of course, in true Outlander style, we’re introduced to someone like Temeraire, who could be a very compelling character over many episode, but instead ends up behind the scenes, helping Jamie and Claire get through their next obstacle then literally, disappearing into the woods. Why?!?? WHYYYYY?!?!?!? They kill off or get rid of every secondary B character that could give the show some depth outside of Claire and Jamie, what is the point? Claire and Jamie are not an island unto themselves or enough content to make a series of five seasons worth it or watchable.
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3. Yes Scotland! No Scotland.
Back over at Geillis’ Mansion of Goat’s Blood and Scottish Eccentrics™, we see Mr Campbell has brought his sister to Kingston who, as luck would have it, Claire helped back in Edinburgh. Yay, for easy coincidences. As it turns out his sister is a Seer, and while not quite the Karen Marie Moaning, Fever Series type, she is tasked by Scotland-stan Geillis, to prophesy when Scotland will have it’s next King. Easier said than done, cause of course the Frasers have somehow mucked up the whole thing.
We know Geillis wants Scottish independence above all, but hasn’t she been into the future, doesn’t she know it never really looks up for the Scots and even in 2014 they couldn’t get enough people to vote for Scottish sovereignty? Not even Jamie Fraser himself, Sam Heughan, could make YES SCOTLAND happen.
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4. Wigs in the front, Party in the back
I’ve been hella anxious about Jamie’s impending powdered wig look but I gotta say, Sam is serving us strong George Washington cosplay vibes and I’m not mad about it at all. This is actually better than he looked in all of Season Two. Plus, this powdered wig is more of a dun bonnet disguise than the real thing was in episode two. Sooooo win, win?
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5. Mr Willoughby is the Life of the Party (and the show)
I really thought Fergus was going to give the ladies a compliment when he reassured Jamie no one would be looking at HIM, but instead reminded us all that everyone thinks Mr Willoughby is some sort of Asian party trick to roll out when it’s convenient.
Even Claire was rolling her eyes at all the ignorance around them on Mr Willoughby’s behalf, settle down ladies, this is not someone from One Direction or Terry Dresbach, this is a real man who could probably do things to you with his feet (allegedly) that would make your basic friends blush and your hair curl.
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We Noticed That Too: Does Mr Willoughby fancy Margaret the seer, or does he just see a fellow circus side show attraction in her and can empathize how awful the party must be for both of them?
We Also Noticed That: Mr. Willoughby has had the best wig from his first day on set, it fits correctly and doesn’t look overtly like a wig. Somewhere Sam is verra jealous.
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6. Someone turn the hose on these two
After seeing moon-y Fergus and Marsali, Jamie and Claire reminisce about when they first met. They also about light the room on fire with the smoking sex eyes they’re giving each other, even when making a joke about riding horses, it was still pretty hot.
They can’t keep their eyes off each other. Watch a new #Outlander at 8PM E/P or NOW on the @STARZ App. #TheBakra https://t.co/GEqYWkh3e3 pic.twitter.com/LKkUeN9RXV
— Outlander (@Outlander_STARZ) December 3, 2017
KUDOS TEAM. Now can we have an awkward meeting with the new Governor Lord John Gray, watch Geillis try to take over the party with her eccentric Scottish guests holding a handful of plastic kids treasure chest jewels, so Jamie and Claire can get back to their hotel and give us some more smoking sex eyes… horizontal?
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7. Hey, meet this guy who has a major crush on me!
Perhaps it’s Claire coming through the stones that all these old friends keep popping up or perhaps it’s so many ridiculous coincidences that Diana and the writers have written into this story that we now see Lord John Grey is the Governor of Jamaica. BECAUSE OF COURSE HE IS. Yes, the same Lord John who was head over knee socks in love with Jamie and would do annnyyyything for him, even parent Jamie’s bastard son and turn a sapphire Jamie HAD to give him from Silkie Island into some fancy man jewelry. This is gonna be helpful…
Maybe it’s how Caitriona plays this scene and how the glances between Jamie and LJG are just a tad too long, but it’s almost as if she doesn’t believe Jamie turned down LJG and they might have given into passion after a few too many glasses of whisky and games of chess and late nights at Auirdsmuir. Trust us Claire, Jamie definitely turned him down but he’s also not turning away any help Lord John can give you guys right about now.
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8. Cue the Brianna vs Willie apologists
While I enjoyed Jamie catching up on news of Willie from Lord John, all I could think about where the “but what about your daughter Brianna?!” fans and how they would be moaning about Jamie only caring about Willie… AND in front of Claire. First off, Willie is Jamie’s child as well. A child he actually knows and watched grow up and left with LJG. He does not KNOW Brianna, nor has Claire really talked much about her at all. So take a seat. We will get there, we will have plenty of Brianna time. (god help us)
We Noticed That Too: Later in the episode when Jamie’s about to be arrested AGAIN, he tells Claire to take the pictures of… THE CHILDREN. Awwwww Da Jamie. And yea, this is gonna be important, clearly.
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9. The Witch is BACK!
And with the swell of the theme music that played so heavily in Season 1, Claire glimpses her witch partner in crime, her friend, and the woman she thought was burned at the pyre across the room. Uh, no gurl. Witch is back. Claire runs off to find her and they have a quite candid conversation about Geillis being able to get men (Dougal) to do anything. Sure, you’re talented in matters of luring men, Geillis but did we really need to hear about how your warm baby was like holding some balls and how you can lead men around with your C word? Damn, this is Sunday night TV, not a crass ladies 18th century locker room. Beyond Geillis’ frank talk (not THAT Frank), she gives Claire some info about how her baby was taken into the highlands and for all we know still lives and could essentially by chieftain. And of course, I’m sure that will come into play very soon… cue the OTHER Mackenzie we know well at this point.
That wig perfectly showcases Lotte’s dermatologist’s deft Botox hand… I mean the goat’s blood…
We noticed that too: The Scottish Season 1 music started playing when Claire sees Geillis. Awwww can we go back to Season 1???
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10. Prophecy
The Campbells and Geillis whip out a Ouija board and the kid’s pirate treasure sapphires in the middle of the fancy party and proceed to weird everyone out with Margaret’s fortune telling. Using Lord John Grey’s Sapphire from Jamie (which we know is the Mackenzie Family Jewels/jewel needed for the prophecy), Margaret pulls an Exorcist and scares the shit out of everyone at the party with her riddle of a prophecy. We essentially learn that the prophecy says that a new king in Scotland will rise after the death of a child who is 200 years old on the day of it’s birth. Now as a non-book reader, viewers must be going WHAT THE FUCK does any of this have to do with the story of Jamie and Claire? We haven’t seen Geillis since the witch trials in Season 1, Culloden ended in a massacre at the beginning of this season and it is essentially treason to “be” Scottish in the UK as this point, WHY are we wasting time with this? Plus add in the nonsense of the prophecy itself and I get you, it could seem like nonsense… but if we think through it, a baby born 200 years old would have to be a time traveling baby… and who has recently time traveled 200-ish years and afterward gave birth to a baby who is of Scottish decent…? YEA, it’s Brianna. Geillis is gonna want to kill Brianna when/if she ever finds out about her. Good luck Sophie Skelton!
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Oh and can we STOP using Jamie getting arrested as a plot device to keep them apart now? Kthanks.
What did you noticed that we missed? Next week is the LAST episode of Season Three… How can they possibly tie up all the loose ends?
Will we see you tomorrow night for HangOutlander? 7PM PT / 10PM ET? Join us!
