The Husband Factor
It’s probably him. He snores. He sets half a dozen alarms that start going off around 4am, and don’t stop until he finally gets up at 6. He doesn’t hear them, so I am forced to shove and hit him until he turns them off.
He also grinds his teeth. Have you ever heard this sound? It’s soul-destroying. The Bible says that in hell there will be “weeping and gnashing of teeth” … one of those is caused by the other. Gnashing of teeth is the sound of Satan’s pleasure, and it’s lying in bed next to me every night.
It’s Stranger Things’ Fault
Two weeks ago, we re-binge-watched Stranger Things, season 1 in preparation for season 2. It was great, but we were up for 3 nights later than we usually are watching creepy ass demogorgon slime and Barb’s death. Then this week, we finished season 2. Guess what? All that filter-less smoking gave me nightmares. The week before, it was Mindhunter. Next up? Alias Grace. Am I going to have unjustly imprisoned historical heroine nightmares too?
Stupid Weather
It seems like the temperature, the barometric pressure and the weather itself has been changing overnight, every night for a month now. Is it cold when I wake up on Monday? Well, then it’s sure to be a balmy 80 at the same time tomorrow. Can’t handle the humidity? That’s ok, by tonight it’s going to be too brisk to check the mailbox. Wind, rain, mist, fog, boiling sun, one weird thunder-filled but sunny day. We’ve seen it all in the past couple of weeks.
And it affects my sleep. Going to bed chilled means wearing a pair of sweatpants that inevitably ride up, wake me up, require removal, but OOPS it’s too late because I sweated through them already because somehow the temperature changed at 2am.
Puppies, Babies and Other Joy-Bringers
Want to sleep? Don’t bring joy into your home that lives and breathes. We have a new puppy. By “new” I mean we’ve had her since July and she still wakes up screaming between 5 and 6am. If my husband’s 17 alarms hadn’t already woken me up by then, I would consider giving her to a lonely neighbor. Also, she refuses to go potty without my presence, so I have to stand out in the aforementioned terrible weather for half an hour before I’ve had my coffee. At least when I had babies, they pooped in the house, where the heat is.
The State of the World
Sometimes the idea that the world is being run by the chyron on Fox and Friends, and that we can’t go to school or church or the movies or a concert without fearing for the lives of our children is more despair than I can stomach. I’m not an anxious person. I’m not prone to depression (even when someone calls me “the worst” on YouTube). I don’t even worry about most things very much. My disposition is cynical, but not pessimistic. But there are nights when I’ve listened to too many political podcasts and read too many exposés about YouTube Kids to fall asleep unbothered.
Real Culprit
It gets dark at 4:45. Dead dark. 8pm Dark. I don’t understand the state of time, what it means, or how it is that the day we set the clocks back, the sun decides to go down not one hour early, but three. My body has yet to adjust, and I will never sleep again. Because when we change the clocks again, suddenly the sun won’t go down until after Jimmy Fallon. If Trump eliminated Daylight Saving Time, I would be so grateful I’d be ok with naming at least one residential hall at Liberty University after him. Maybe.
Are you having trouble sleeping lately? Found any good sleep aids? Trying to read comics in bed while lying on your side doesn’t count. I tried that.
