If someone were to ask me why Voyager is my favorite, after I waxed intellectual about narrative arcs, print shops, book-throwing rage chapters and the lack of Just Eat Gilligan nonsense tropes that plagued Book 2, I’m going to tell you, “Turtle Soup.”
More on that later. The point is, this episode right here is emblematic of one of the main reasons we love this series and these characters. In the face of ridiculous circumstances, necessary dramas to keep the ball rolling – or keep these ships sailing, and out of bounds hijinks from all corners, moments like Turtle Soup serve as mainstays to the series. They serve to anchor us all to the ship we’re out in these strangely uninfested waters on – the Jamie and Claire ship. Long may she sail.
Top Ten Moments from Outlander, Uncharted
1. Claire, Uncharted
Thank you, Voiceover, for giving me information I could not have deduced based on the action and dialogue before me onscreen. You have, for once, served your purpose well.
At the behest of a milkmaid who spent zero time above decks, Claire did something super ill-advised at the end of last week’s episode and jumped off a working, non-sinking, food-and-drink-laden water vessel into the black unknown waters of the Caribbean Sea with nothing but a vagrant fanny pack and a couple of empty barrels. Hence, she finds herself, at least not eaten by sharks or stung by jellyfish, but nevertheless, marooned on an unknown, uninhabited shore.
Thankfully, we have her voiceover to let us know that she a) is not where she intended to be (shocker), b) has no clue where she might be (because Roger gave her a history of 18th century Scotland, not a Map of the Newe Worlde), and c) can’t believe she did something that stupid. Nope sorry … c) is upset that it might be kind of hard to find Jamie now (ya think?). Well, Claire might make dumb choices, but at least the voiceover wasn’t dumb this time.
We Noticed That Too: Claire’s Rule of Three’s voiceover is exactly the kind of thing Diana Gabaldon writes that I end up remembering forever but forget where I heard it and just assume she was right about. I hold similar untested beliefs about the medicinal uses of witch hazel.
2. Claire Grylls
Once we know where Claire is (kind of) and what her plan is (find a road to civilization whilst not dying in the process), we get a few closeups of toenails and sweat and new freckles and strangely well-manicured hands paired with drone shots of endless foliage. Claire is fucked.
Survivor Claire is in full DIY mode, gathering kindling, making shelter, drinking from leaves, smacking her bug bites, listening to Smokey the Bear and covering her firepit. I get that it’s a lot of danger for her to encounter alone, and I appreciate the reminder that Claire is cool under pressure and capable, but do we have to spend 15 minutes of interminable shots of Claire walking through tropical vegetation and encountering an onslaught of Island Anarchy? That snake is on my list of hard limits.
We Noticed That Too: Starting a fire from scratch with some rocks and pine needles is hard AF, so I give Claire props for even trying it. And while using the fluff from her bum roll was a smart move, I couldn’t help but cringe when she threw the whole thing in after she got the fire going. Girl, you are going to need that tomorrow night – and in the meantime it’s a perfect neck pillow and you are emphatically lacking bedding. Think ahead!
3. Claire, MD
If Claire’s tumultuous years with Frank and the jackholes at Harvard Medical were worth anything, it was the constant opportunity for Claire (and the writers) to remind everyone that she’s an MD. You ever know someone who has a PhD or a DDS or a Pharm.D who, if you introduce them as “Mr. _____,” will immediately amend with: “It’s DOCTOR _____.” This is Claire at least once in every episode.
Observe: Being a doctor, Claire waits to faint until she is in perfect sniffing distance of a priest’s domesticated dog. She wakes up to find herself tied to a bed and very parched. Being a doctor and seeing water, she deduces that she needs it. Being a doctor and feeling goop on her legs, she looks down and sees it. Being a doctor, and noticing her bites are bothering her less, she rightly assumes someone has aided her medicinally. Being a doctor and seeing another human enter the room, she knows to ask for a drink and receives it.
When she awakes again, it’s to the happy face and dulcet voice of Father Fogden, who seems agreeable and helpful. Despite the fact that Claire can barely speak and has no idea what is going on, her first words to him are, “I know. I’m a doctor.” Because … of course they are. Being a doctor, she canna help herself.
We Noticed That Too: Why did Mamacita wait until Claire woke up to sniff her underthings and decide to wash them and get suspicious about her zipper teeth? Wouldn’t she have noticed all of that when she undressed her and set them aside?
4. Mamacita vs Father F
This is an episode of Outlander, so we are of course introduced to two new characters who are great but who we will undoubtedly never see again. I love the juxtaposition of Father Fogden and Mamacita because I cannot decide who I like more.
Nick Fletcher, who plays the father, is stretching what could be a very camp character (who was originally written moderately over the top) into a great, nuanced performance. Father Fogden is fairly crazy, but it’s more a product of isolation (and apparent haranguing) than it is mental illness. Even when he says something offensive or insensitive, there’s no malice, but instead just a general hint of condescension. He makes Fogden relatable without making him pitiful, and his superb performance is one of the best parts of this episode because it’s the only way we get to see that distinction.
Conversely, Mamacita is one of my favorites with no hint of crazy, just pure power and personality. She’s originally written with gobs of nuance. Here, though, we see from the start that she’s resentful and suspicious of Claire. The reasons are clear – she sees her as a threat and a whore. She wastes no time clapping back against Father Fogden’s conviviality, and I love that about her character. I do wish, however, that her sneers were saved for the side-eye, and not so obvious from the outset.
We Noticed That Too: There is an inordinate amount of attention given to costumes on this show. Father Fogden has a dress set up like a ghost in his home, just so we can what? Admire the ruffles? It’s overkill.
5. Claire, Actor
One of the most relatable parts of Claire’s character is how bad she is at subterfuge. In the books, Jamie is constantly telling her that everything she thinks shows on her face, and it’s at its funniest when she’s trying real hard to be sneaky. Claire deciding to have a conversation with Father Fogden’s Wilson Coconut and doing it really poorly is a great reminder. Especially because Father Fogden – for one quick moment – looks like he sees right through her.
We Noticed That Too: Ominous music, skulls and strangeness. Are these two – who live out here completely alone and have some sort of strange symbiotic relationship – going to do some crazy voodoo stuff with these goat heads? Or are they just lonely and weird?
6. Just Go With It
After bringing a skinned goat head back to the homestead, Mamacita decries that a Chinese man ate it, and Claire realizes that Jamie’s ship must be at the same beach. Is this the same beach that took her two days to travel inland from? The same beach that Mamacita ran back from in one morning, screaming and holding a severed goat head? But Claire can run there in like … an hour?
I will suspend my disbelief that this particular beach is not in the same location that Claire washed up on, and is instead much closer to la hacienda than Claire was, BUT that doesn’t answer how Mamacita got there so fast, yet it takes Claire half a day to.
I tried watching the sun to try to tell if it’s late afternoon or early morning when this crew is fixing the mast and main sail and Claire is running through at least a mile of jungle underbrush, but I decided time was a flat circle.
Claire is less of a time-traveler here and more of an Olympic cross country runner. Just go with it.
We Noticed That Too: Claire has an UNCANNY sense of forethought. The ONLY thing she decided to steal from La Hacienda – the only thing, including her own belongings – that she was sure to have on her as she darted off to a beach she wasn’t sure she could find, but came out directly on top of was the mirror. Food, water, a roll of bandages, not needed. Just an 18th century flare gun.
(I will have more to say about the storytelling and editing here on Hangoutlander. Y’all. Be there.)
7. Reunions. Emotions.
After flashing her mirror directly into her husband’s eyes from a mile away, Wizard Claire gets emotional as she cries his name. He sees her through a spyglass, and he gets emotional and runs off to go get her. Somehow.
I mean, I guess it’s impractical for Jamie to dive over the side of the Artemis and swim to her. I also guess it’s impractical to show him yelling to the crewmen to lower a dinghy and row to shore without taking his eyes off of his wife. I also guess it’s impractical to show Claire slowly falling to pieces on the shore as she realizes she’s not only saved from having to find out if Father Fogden really loves his goats, but also has saved Jamie from the fate he was facing in the port at Kingston and also has been saved herself from the abject uncertainty that she might never see Jamie again.
But … it’s not impractical to see Jamie running through the surf to a swell of the Jamie and Claire theme as Claire comes rushing from some other part of the beach because she couldn’t possibly have seen where the row boat was going to land as it was coming in and gone over to that spot. Because they needed to run into each other’s arms. PRACTICALLY.
Oh screw practicality. I teared up.
We Noticed That Too: Willoughby is astute. “We should have cut that body up, left nothing to find.” Hello, practicality. Where were you during season 2 when someone needed to slit Bonnie Prince Charlie’s throat?
BONUS:
^^^alternative reading of that line^^^
8. Marsali
After Jamie decides NOT to leave right away, and instead to let Fergus and Marsali get hitched on the island by the Kooky Cleric, we are treated to a sweet scene with Claire and Marsali as the bride gets ready. I love how Lauren Lyle is playing Marsali with a huge dose of independence and straight-forwardness. She’s open, honest and unabashed. And in one, simple scene, thanks to her really smart and watchable performance, we see Claire and Marsali open up a brand new relationship, not quite mother/daughter, but certainly forged in new respect.
We Noticed That Too: She asks Claire two different questions here: how do I not get pregnant and is it at all possible that I’ll like sex? Claire responds in frustrating fashion to her questions with … other questions. JUST TELL THE POOR GIRL about tansy oil and clits, okay, Claire? IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?
9. Best Wedding Ever
Who wrote this scene? I’m serious. WHO.WROTE.THIS.SCENE.
Because it is FANTASTIC. Funny, sweet, character-driven and a reminder of why we love Jamie and Claire AND the people they love … THIS is how Outlander should be all the time. Cock jokes and all.
I’m giving this scene 25% to the writing, 50% to Nick Fletcher (again) and 25% to Lauren Lyle. Ok … 10% to Jamie giving Fergus his name.
10. Turtle Soup
And here we come to it. A sex scene remembered by every single reader of Outlander books since 1993. Ever since the writers robbed us of our season one waterweed, we’ve been waiting for a few iconic hotness scenes to make their appearance. Here’s the top of the list.
After the wedding, the crew and Claire return to the Artemis, only Claire is inexplicably drunk and also feverish? None of this is explained during the wedding or before Jamie brings her a wallet of syringes, but after she shoots herself in the “arse” with her antibiotics and throws herself at her husband, he tells her that her turtle soup is spiked.
The best part about the turtle soup scene in the book is that Jamie is honestly scandalized that Claire would try to have sex with him when she’s burning up with fever. It’s what makes the lines like “burning she-devil” so funny – because he can’t help but give in to the novelty of how she feels and how long it’s been. That appeal to his honorable nature, and her appeal as his wife, even when feeling sick and fevered, is what makes that sex scene so memorable. That’s lost here. It’s lost that Claire is unwell. It’s lost that he’s trying to not be turned on by her. It’s lost that her fever is significant and therefore hard for him to resist while also being the reason for him to resist.
And Sam and Cait’s sexy line delivery … they are always so SULTRY when they should be silly or sweet. That husky innuendo is a LOT less sexy than honest desire and casual intimacy. But … the sex itself was great, and Willoughby at the door was perfect. A great way to end an episode – without a contrived cliffhanger! HUZZAH!
We Noticed That Too: Put the penicillin away before you get busy on the table … that particular resource literally does not exist anywhere else on the globe, you are on a wavering ocean vessel and it’s cylindrical. Do you think it might possibly … roll off and break?
What did you think of Uncharted? Give us what for in the comments. And join us LIVE tomorrow night on YouTube for Hangoutlander – where we will discuss this week AND last week’s episodes. Maybe we will go EXTRA long. Tell your friends, and use #Hangoutlander to chat with us during the show on Twitter.
