2017 is FINALLY coming to an end, and while most of us are celebrating, with it is also that all too familiar panic setting in: How the hell am I going to finish my Goodreads Challenge?
That stupid gauge has been warning you that you are behind all year like an annoying monkey on your back and now is the moment of truth. How did you get this behind? Will you be able to pull it off?
Full disclosure: I purposely lowball myself. It is a total mindfuck having it tell you that you are 3 books behind, and I for one turn into a toddler that figures I will never catch up and binge watch the Golden Girls instead. And heaven forbid I actually get ahead, then I don’t pick up a book for a month. In short, while I love seeing that number go up, I don’t need that nagging. So, I cut my real goal in half and am one of those people that finishes in June.
I sure did. source
But, that has only been in the last year that I figured that out. I’ve been where you are, sprinting the last month or so to finish a buttload of books, neglecting my social life and sacrificing sleep all to get that little red banner across the challenge badge. Oh, you are not that pathetic? Well, I have no response for that. But I am an expert an getting through a lot of books in a short amount of time while having only average reading speed.
If you are like me, most of your books run anywhere between 300-800 (Outlander) pages. There are shorter books, y’all! I will often sort my books by page number to try to knock out short books, especially when I am feeling a bit burned out to get back in the rhythm. Start with the romance series that you’ve already read, and I bet that they have novellas that fall between the regular titles (get over it, anything with its own ISBN counts) and run about 70-110 pages.
Orbiting Jupiter (192 pages) is about a family that takes in a 14 year old foster boy, a boy who is already a father and will do anything to see his daughter. Have kleenex ready for that one. All The Dirty Parts (134 pages) will take you into the brain of a hypersexual 17 year old boy (reviewed for #TNReads) one terrifying paragraph at a time. The book that inspired one of the best movies ever–Austenland–is only 197 pages. Want something nostalgic? Last year the 50th anniversary edition of The Outsiders came out and is only 180 pages. Actually, a lot of “classics” are shorter than they felt in high school, including Breakfast at Tiffany’s (142 pages), The House on Mango Street (110 pages), and Lord of the Flies (182 pages {Spoilers: I will never forget my teacher showing us the movie and giggling as he showed us Piggy’s death over and over}).
I’ve been on a bit of a graphic novel kick lately, and when they are in bigger volumes I don’t feel even a little bad about counting them towards my year-long total. I use Hoopla for eComics (I should trademark that) from the library. I know what you are thinking, but it isn’t like zooming in on an image, they have found a way to do graphic novels frame by frame that makes them clear. I jumped on the Paper Girls bandwagon (check out Cassidy’s reviews for TN here) and read all three in one sitting. If you are looking for something NSFW, try Sex Criminals, (currently) 4 volumes about a couple who’s orgasms stop time, so they rob banks to save a library. As you do. If you want a weird spin on Shakespeare (of course you do), the Kill Shakespeare series is for you (and it has a board game!) Sarah’s Scribbles had me wanting to send just about every page to either Boyfriend or the BFFs group chat because it is too relatable. The Best We Could Do was a Goodreads Best Of the Year finalist and the next one I’m going to read after I finish up The Wicked + The Divine (which I honestly have mixed feelings on, but I still want to finish).
I have heard Ellen Hopkins speak at conferences and I hope that she one day releases a memoir because that woman has had a life. You might have read Crank (based on her daughter’s drug addiction) and its sequels when you were an actual YA. She has a series about sex trafficking that starts with Tricks (she shadowed a prostitute in order to write this series), her newest book release The You I’ve Never Known came out earlier this year, and she has a bunch of other books. Kwame Alexander is another big name in the YA verse universe; start with his award winning Crossover about twin brothers who are growing apart and have tragedy strike their home. Kiss of Broken Glass came out a few years ago and is about a teen girl who is sent to the psych ward after being found in the bathroom cutting. I don’t read a ton of verse because, if you notice, they tend to be on the depressing side, but if you like heavy books, here is a big list of Novels in Verse from Goodreads.
I read as few books for elementary kids as I can get away with, but that still leaves me reading about baker’s dozen or so each year. Because they are about a 5th-7th grade reading level, and generally shorter (don’t want to scare kids with a big book! *rolls eyes*), I get through them the afternoon of book club. I LOVE Fortunately the Milk, a story of a time-travelling father out to purchase milk for breakfast, and which includes the genius quote, “If the same object from two different times touches itself, one of two things will happen. Either the Universe will cease to exist. Or three remarkable dwarfs will dance through the streets with flowerpots on their heads.” I don’t know how you could not know about Series of Unfortunate Events, but this is the perfect time to zip through the sarcastic series if you haven’t before. Nine, Ten: A September 11th Story takes place the few days leading up to 9/11 from the POV of four middle schoolers across the country and Towers Falling is set now, about a middle school girl who’s father was in the trade centers on 9/11 and now has PTSD. If you haven’t read Wonder yet, was worth all the hype–though I haven’t made it to see the movie yet.
Maybe you are like I was two years ago and think that audiobooks are boring, that every narrator sounds like a drunk person trying to sound sober, over-enunciating and drawing out every word. I would not be surprised to find out that they actually slow down the recording because no one can speak that slow, how can you be expected to not space out?! But then I discovered the playback speed button and my life changed. You can speed them up to double time on most apps (Overdrive’s Libby is now higher!). Word of advice: work your way up. I listen while I get ready for work, on my commute, when I’m doing dishes, cutting out crafts at work, the grocery store. Any time I am doing something that takes no thought, I am listening to books. Add your apps to your phone and start adding it to your chores. I listened to The Hate U Give (440 pages listened at double time = a little shy of 6 hours) early this year (I won’t be rereading it for Boozy Book Club, sorry) and think that the narrator Bahni Turpin should get a grammy. She also did a part in The Sun Is Also A Star and They Both Die In The End, and now I am looking at her author page on goodreads and you could probably love any book that she does because she is that good. I just finished Emma Chase’s Tangled series in audiobook, narrated by Sebastian York, a man with a voice made to melt panties. That is if you are into super low voices (really, who isn’t). I’m now looking at his author page and he was in the Beautiful Bastard series and trust me when I say that he has to be perfect (**adding all of his books to my TBR list**). It does take a minute to get used to hearing sex scenes read out loud, I definitely blush more than in normal reading.
