Author’s Note: In the mid-80s, I had a hand-me-down Commes des Garçons leather jacket**. It was butter-cream and oversized, and that jacket gave this small-town South Carolina girl a wee bit of fashion cred. So I totally get it when Anna Wintour credits Commes des Garçons for democratizing fashion. If Anna had invited me on Monday to the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City, I would have worn nothing but that jacket—if I still had it—and this pair of embroiderd Fendi heels and been a complete hit! (I also pretend NPR’s Steve Inskeep is interviewing me about my Broadway career when I’m driving in my car, so I have an active fantasy life.)
**I tried to get my mom, Patsy, to scan one of the many photos of me in my CdG jacket, but after ten minutes of trying to talk her through that over the phone, I chose sanity.
It’s hard to adhere to CdG theme while not looking like a weirdo (Priyanka Chopra) or a complete fail (Kendall Jenner, Gwyneth Paltrow, or JLo). To me, the only person who pulled off the theme while looking fantastic/amazing/chic/fashion-forward was Tracee Ellis Ross in Commes des Garçons. Slay on the first Monday in May!
Sports Stars Get Fancy!
Stars from every facet of life and pop culture try to snag an invite to the Met Gala. Singers, actresses, journalists. Even sports stars want in. Tom Brady. Kelly Slater. Alex Rodriguez. (ARod missed an opportunity to be daring, pairing his Hamburger Helper gloves with a tux.)
Tom and Giselle: So pretty. So shiny. So effing boring.
Let’s be real. The only sport I care about is tennis so while I am here for the clothes, I am really here for the tennis players.
Roger Federer in Gucci
Roger is having an amazing time. He got the “Will he win another Slam?” monkey off his back by hoisting the 2017 Aussie Open trophy back in January. On the court, he is taking the ball earlier and crushing it; his play is more precise (insert “Roger is Swiss”/clock joke here). Off the court, Roger seems giddy and it’s adorable.
Roger always looks great in a classic tux. Mirka’s silver lamé dress matches her bling—bling she did not have to borrow. I’m not loving the slicked back hair trend, but this silhouette looks great on her. Forgive me, Mirka, for being forward, but I love when a woman embraces and shows off her real tits. Moms who breastfed, unite!
The back of Roger’s jacket features an embroidered cobra. As a fanatical cross-stitcher, I can appreciate the time and work that went into the garment. Roger has to figure out how to look like Roger while adding a touch of whimsy. Yes, the cobra is weird and trashy, but weird and trashy sometimes has a place. Is this faint praise? Yes.
There are so many “Sweep the leg!” jokes I could make, but Roger plays tennis, not boring-ass soccer.
The things Anna Wintour can get them to do. Here’s Roger Federer in Gucci. #metgala #metgala2017 pic.twitter.com/Vh08jghQOY
— Jacob Bernstein (@BernsteinJacob) May 1, 2017
This would have been an amazing look if the jacket were reversed. I am in LOVE with the lining of the tux. It’s like wallpaper I want in my mythical powder room. Roger could have gone with a “floral for spring” and still looked hot.
Serena in Atelier Versace
Serena Williams is the Number One player in the world, in love, and expecting her first child. Damn, Serena! You are crushing your mid-30s.
Serena is glowing. Her custom Atelier Versace hugs her in the right places. Is the dress on theme? No. But I give all pregnant ladies a pass. At first I was a little underwhelmed, but then I started to really look at the detail of the dress. It has so many points of interest, that I am now fully on board with this look.
Serena went for the glam and comfort in the jewel-toned silk gown. She is an emerald goddess, and the details on the bum are great. And that bracelet? Don’t fuck with Serena.
It might not have worked for Mirka, but the slicked-back look is working for Serena, and that blunt bob is showing off her drop earrings. Her under-stated makeup lets the color of her dress be the focal point.
Game. Set. Versace. Serena.
What were your favorite looks from the 2017 Met Gala? How much did you laugh at Katy Perry? Spill the snark, TN ladies!
