Oh stop the judging. It’s not that weird (now that he has man abs and the babyface is gone), and his music is REALLY GOOD. I am a music SNOB, and I can admit that. When you’re the Biebs, you can have any and all of the best producers and song writers and collaborators working with you on your songs. So pop or “mainstream” or whatever, they are good.
No, I don’t own any merchandise, and I’ve never seen him live. I’m not a Bieber-version of the crazed grown-ass adult 1D Fan (I love all of you, my friends, who are though. And there are so, so many of you.). I just think he’s a really really good artist. He has the look, the style, the swagger and the sick beats.*
And he’s a Christian!
No! For real! The ONLY place they let guys with glasses like that enter is Heaven. (lols- that’s his real pastor Judah Smith and those are his real glasses.)
I think I confessed to myself that I am into the Biebs when his album Purpose came out in 2015. THAT WAS TWO YEARS AGO. Do you know what that means? NEW ALBUM DROPS SOON (Probably).
But until then, we have a plethora of Bieber to listen to as he’s doing collabs left and right including one with DJ Khaled, Post Malone and Chance the Rapper. If RAPPERS think Justin Bieber is cool, I guess we should too, right?
But let’s talk about the most important collaboration of his career to date:
Despacito
Justin Beiber recently released a remix of the famous-in-Latin-America song Despacito by Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee. Yes, the Daddy Yankee of your youth.
And.It.Is.Amazing.
I was recently in Costa Rica visiting my sister. She told me Despacito is the BIGGEST song in Latin America right now, so of COURSE Justin covered it right before his Latin American tour. I just did a quick Google, and the song is #1 EVERYWHERE in Latin America. You’ll understand why:
Now set that on repeat and play it 10-12 times a day and you’ll have my Costa Rican trip (plus a constantly covering of sweat, even immediately after exiting a shower).
I know what you’re asking: Is Despacito about Justin’s Christian Faith?
No. It’s about slow, sensual sex. How do I know this? Well, I googled the lyrics:
Luis sings things like:
Slowly
I want to breathe your neck slowly
Let me tell you things in your ears
So that you remember when you’re not with me
Slowly
I want to strip you off with kisses slowly
Sign the walls of your labrynth
And make your whole body a manuscript
Let me surpass your danger zones
To make you scream
And forget your name
Then Daddy Yankee comes in with:
If I ask you for a kiss , come give It to me
I know that you’re thinking about it
I’ve been trying for some time
Mommy this is giving and giving it
You know that your heart with me makes you bom bom
You know that this baby is looking for my bom bom
Such a romantic! Then Luis is back with:
Slowly
We will do It on the beach in Puerto Rico
Till the waves scream dear lord
So that my seal stays with you
To which I have to ask: Will you? Do it on a beach in Puerto Rico? Because I don’t even like to SIT on the sand without moving for 5 minutes let alone have wave-screaming sex. Am I doing it wrong?
If you still have questions after reading the translation what the song is about, watch the video
Now listen to the Justin Bieber version again!
Am I alone in my tolerating-almost-loving of the Biebs?
*I promise not to talk like that again.
