** MILD Spoilers ahead **
Remember this Tweet from me last week?. @joe_suitor asked me to write “10 Reasons I Want To See @kongskullisland that aren’t @twhiddleston.” I could not pic.twitter.com/KNe2Iogp3M
— Nikki Pierce (@itshowtimenikki) February 23, 2017
Yes, this is my boyfriend trolling me about my admiration for Tom Hiddleston and how I was interested in seeing Kong: Skull Island but couldn’t name ten things about that movie that weren’t related to him. Well men, never try to outwit a lady who has “connections” (just go with it) because as it turns out Warner Brothers invited us to an early screening of Kong. CHECK.MATE buddy!
Here are my 10 Reasons to see Kong that aren’t Tom Hiddleston
1. Everyone is perpetually sweaty
This means TOM is perpetually sweaty the entire movie. You’re welcome ladies.
2. The music is SO, so good
This means you get to watch Tom while amazing music is playing in the background. It’s like watching a professional Fan video from YouTube in a theater.
(the comments on the videos with the Vietnam footage are sad.com)
Of course, I LOVE late 60s, early 70s rock, protest music and Kong does NOT disappoint in any way on this point. From Jefferson Airplane to Ozzy and Creedence Clearwater Revivial and Bowie, the music supervisors created an amazing backdrop and a reminder of what the end of the Vietnam War looked and (almost as important), sounded like.
3. There is a Pool playing scene
Source
This means Tom is good with a stick… enough to take out two men at the same time and land the shot. Eight ball, corner pocket.
4. There are so much 70s hair and fashion goodness
But Tom does not partake. We determined that it pretty much doesn’t matter what decade, what time, what character, Tom is gonna show up in the tshirt, jeans and same awesome hair as yesterday.
5. John C. Reilly’s character in Kong: Skull Island is worth the price of admission
This means Tom gets to share screen time with John who plays a MIA World War 2 vet they discover on Skull Island who ends up being the savior of the entire movie. And doofy as hell.
6. There are a lot of shots of muscles straining
This means Tom’s muscles are straining underneath his ubiquitous tight tshirt. Add in the cute, boys from the Army and you’ve got a real meaty think-piece of a movie!
7. John C. Reilly Has A Sword
At one point Tom (I honestly can’t remember his character’s name) yells for John to throw him his sword, he dons a gas mask and runs, slow-mo with the sword. This means Tom is good with a sword. Ahem.
8. So many Arthur hands
You know the popular Arthur meme:
Well, Kong: Skull Island has the Arthur hand shots in spades. I don’t know if they’re trolling us and part of the kitsch of the movie but it made me laugh several times and yes, that means you see Tom’s hand in a fist.
9. Kong: Skull Island is rated PG-13
This means Tom does a little mild cursing which is always enjoyable… YOU BASTARD! Ok, ok Tom settle… settle…
10. Brie Larson
After all Brie is all of us (as seen in the Comic Con pic I took last year)… enjoy a film that hires an Oscar winner to have approximately 10 lines in the movie, rock amazing 70s Farrah Fawcett but less awful hair and just BE around Tom Hiddleston. If those are the prerequisites, I could have been in Kong… ya know minus the Oscar.
Tom Hiddleston basking in the Hall H glow! (Clearly, @brielarson is basking in the Tom Glow) #sdcc #Kong pic.twitter.com/0sJtueYDiZ
— That’s Normal (@Thats_Normal) July 23, 2016
PS I would totally approve of a Tom/Brie ship… No “I Heart BL” shirts tho…
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All in all, Kong: Skull Island is not Citizen Kane by any means, it definitely has some laughable (in not a good way) moments but it’s also highly enjoyable. The music is top notch, the talent is good and funny and the CGI is AHMAZING. ANNNNDDDD if you make it through the LONG ASS credits you’re rewarded with a little glimpse at the obvious next monster movie in the WB universe: Kong vs Godzilla or Kong teaming up with Godzilla… and Mothra… and a pterodactyl and something else… they’re coming!
See Kong: Skull Island in theaters this weekend, 3/10/17
Can you name reasons to see Kong: Skull Island that aren’t Tom Hiddleston?
