A Drinking Game for Christmas: The Hallmark Christmas Movie Edition

Christmas time is here. The festive lights. The carols. The tree. The gifts. The return receipt you pray is under the tissue paper.

Yes, all of these are a part of the Christmas spirit. But what really ushers in the holiday for many? The start of Hallmark Channel’s Christmas movie collection.

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For almost two months – because, let’s face it, Hallmark is really who determines our calendars – THC rolls out masterpieces like A Wish for Christmas, A Perfect Christmas, A Heavenly Christmas, or A Nutcracker Christmas. And of course, I couldn’t forget the cinematic masterpiece and Emmy award contender A Princess for Christmas.

Actually, my Christmas wish is to forget this but it’s seared into my brain. Forever.

Okay, so are the movies formulaic? Sure. Can the dialogue be a little cheesy? You bet. But chances are when you watch one, you suddenly find yourself smiling like an idiot and get a little excited when you see the struggling artist/cute shop owner/princess in hiding finally kiss her veterinarian/inn keeper/carpenter love interest in front of that illuminating Christmas tree as snow slowly falls around them.

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And while the movies are the perfect companion for wrapping gifts, designing your family Christmas card, or writing your post about Hallmark Christmas movies, they can also be the start of a perfect drinking game. That’s right: drinking, and I don’t mean hot chocolate.

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So, here’s my Hallmark Christmas movie drinking game list*. The movies may be rated TV G and the characters may get lit on peppermint egg nog, but that doesn’t mean you have to.

^{*Remember to drink responsibly and that also includes not drunk dialing your exes and asking if they starred in the Hallmark movie, An Asshat for Christmas.}

A Drink for the Holidays

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Who says you have to wait until the story starts? Take a drink…

for every time you see Candace Cameron Bure’s name in the credits.^Source
for every time we first see the protagonist living in a big city and trying to find her way (i.e. working towards a promotion, waiting for a proposal from her career-obsessed and Christmas hating boyfriend who is clearly over-moussed, establishing her budding antiques shop/cupcake bakery/ice sculpture design studio where her only client is her overbearing but lovable older sister/mother/closeted gay best friend).
for every set that’s supposed to be New York City but you know it’s Toronto.

Any Small Town, USA

If the town has a population less than your high school graduating senior class, it’s the perfect backdrop to a Hallmark Christmas movie. Take a drink…

for every time the main character gets a life changing email, phone class or letter requiring her to travel to some town called “Pine Mountain” or “Holly Ridge”.^Source
for every time said small town is in financial ruin. Good job, fictional City Council that no one ever calls into question about reckless and frivolous spending.
for every time the love interest lives there and is an old boyfriend who still ponders after the protagonist but thinks she has moved on since moving to “the big city.” Spoiler alert: she hasn’t.^Source
for the first time a wise/feisty old aunt or grandma who still lives in the family homestead – that’s right, homestead – shows up. Usually named Barb/Marge/Ruth.^Source

All I Want for Christmas is You

Shot, shot, shot, everybody! For this round, it’s simple: you take a drink when you see the love interest…

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…Google him…

…and find this.

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Dear, Santa. I have been a good girl this year. I would like this man in my house, sans shirt and his pants forever, doing my dishes. Love, Julie.

Because This Never Gets Old

Time to refill those drinks because for this, you have to take a sip for every time someone randomly breaks out into caroling…

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…or just chug your drink if they break out into a poorly choreographed hip hop routine.

(I’m looking at you, Sam Heughan, and what appears to be what you learned from watching Paula Abdul’s hip hop workout DVD, Get Up and Dance!)

Cliches for Christmas

Get ready to drain those glasses of Christmas rose and spiked egg nog:

when the heroine comes this close to kissing her love interest only to be interrupted by either the impromptu caroling or Barb/Marge/Ruth bringing over her famous Christmas chocolate nom-noms. ^Source
if there is a playing-in-the-snow montage. Honestly, do these people work?
when someone, most likely the love interest, has to explain the real meaning of Christmas to the protagonist. Whatever, Linus. ^Source
when our leading lady finally gets to kiss the man of her Christmas dreams. (Double shot if you see a hint of tongue. You won’t but here’s to hoping.)