Back in 2015, we were naive enough to think that the talk around the dinner table could be curbed with this Thanksgiving miracle:
But there has been no Adele to save us. We thought Lin-Manuel Miranda was taking up the mantle of Music Messiah this year, but then Hamilton went and got itself talked about on Fox News, so we can’t even surprise our relatives with a perfect rendition of One Last Time.
2016 is the year to gird up your loins, pick your battles and decide just exactly what kind of holiday dinner you want to have. So I’ve taken the best of the most awkward ones from holiday movies, and I’ll let you decide how you want to play it.
Go forth, and wreak havoc.
If you are itching for a fight:
I mean go for gold and either tell your mother-in-law to get out of your kitchen or throw a punch.
If you have one of those impossibly obtuse bigots coming over
“That’s enough.”
If someone brings home a “trifling low-class bitch”
We all need Oprah at our table.
If someone has a distressing announcement to make
I plan on ugly crying at least twice.
If you have that one relative who just got into Hamilton
I.Am.Him. Distract with a capella.
If your weird uncle makes forces you to make a promotional video for him
There are no winners here. Just none. None.
If your dad makes a “Grace? She passed away 30 years ago” joke
Ok, this one is not a joke. You probably have a relative that will equate the Pledge of Allegiance with religion this year. Yikes.
And finally, the PERFECT HOLIDAY DINNER
This is the one I hope we all have. Here’s hoping your mashed potatoes are so creamy.
