But First Things First
You guys, I owe you all a big apology. I missed something in Chapter Five & Chapter One. Chaz Bono playing Lot Polk. But I didn’t miss him playing the Officiant for Rory Monahan (Peters) and Audrey Tindall’s (Paulson) wedding. I don’t know how I missed him, but I did and for that, I’m sorry.
Return to Roanoke: Three Days In Hell
Enter Sidney Aaron James (Cheyenne Jackson). He’s the brain behind both Roanoke shows. And he’s a total twatwaffle. We meet him in this chapter for the first time while he’s trying to unite Matt and Shelby (who has since gotten separated) with the actors from Nightmare. Sidney literally does everything possible to make you hate him AND to set up all those people for horribly gruesome deaths. His premise, drop Matt and Shelby (both the real ones and the reenactors), both Lees, and the actor who played Edward Phillipe Mott (Rory Monahan aka Evan Peters) into the house during the blood moon and record everything over 3 days, Big Brother style. What could go wrong?
Catch Us Up On All The Dirt
Earlier in the episode we learn that Shelby cheated on Matt with Dominick (Cuba Gooding Jr. aka Fake Matt), hence the separation. The only reason Shelby agrees to come back on the show is to see Matt and try to get back with him. Lee comes back to the house to try and clear her name because everyone thinks she killed her husband. We don’t know why Matt came back, but I suspect it’s because Shelby came back.
When Shelby agreed to go back to the house, she told Sidney it would only be if Dominick wasn’t there. Sidney agreed to Shelby’s face, but, of course, that douchenozzle Sidney couldn’t pass up the chance for even more drama in his reality show.
Also, The Butcher was played by Agnes Mary Winstead (Kathy Bates) and well, she cray. Like real cray. She even had to go away for a while and get her shit together in the psychiatric facility after attacking some random people with a butcher knife. Sidney made sure to go to her apartment, make a big deal about talking to her, and then slapping her with a restraining order when he thinks that she left some rotting fetal pigs behind a tree. Cleary, Sidney never saw Misery. You don’t want to mess with Kathy Bates. She’ll hobble your ass.
R is for Rory
Remember those crazy evil nurses that killed people with first names that corresponded to “MURDE”? Well, sadly friends, our evil nurses finally found themselves their ‘R’ and boy were they not going to waste any time in finally completing their mural. Poor Rory was the first to die from the Return to Roanoke cast. Not the first to die since production started, though. There was a guy who got into a fight with some invisible being and ended up cutting off his own head with a chainsaw and then Sidney’s assistant Dianna peaced out when she finally realized what a piece of crap Sidney is. Unfortunately, she peaced out for good after the Pig Man snapped her neck while she was driving away from the house.
What I want for next week
Since I’ve been making short little demand lists, some of my wishes have been coming true. This is what I want for next week’s chapter.
- More Gaga
- Sidney to die in some terrible way
- I want to see what all of our actual ghosts looked like in comparison to the reenactors
- I want Rory’s ghost to come back
