Throw Back Post: The time I lost my Robert Pattinson Virginity

Every once in awhile when I have nothing else to write when I’m feeling very inspired, I like to share an old favorite post from a blog many of us know and love, Letters to Rob. In this day and age now that I’m a mature grown woman, with a thriving business, fun, interesting and snarky pop culture website and real life friends who have no idea I met so many of you through Twilight and Outlander, it’s nice to knocked down a few pegs off the high pedestal on which I stand, and reminded that I used to write daily about Robert Pattinson. DAILY.

This post, originally found here and published on November 17, 2009, was entitled:

The Time I lost my Robert Pattinson virginity

Dear Rob,

I’ll never forget where I was. It was 7:04pm on a Monday night in front of a California Pizza Kitchen. The noise was deafening. The crowd rushed forward, almost smushing Moon’s short cousin LilCrazyCow, as a tall, dark and handsome shadow walked towards us. Moon said, “Look there. Look. Look! There he is!” And I didn’t know what she meant. Well, I knew who she meant, but I couldn’t see- I couldn’t figure out what I was looking at from the mass of men in suits, black limos & town cars and bright, flashing lights. So I pretended that I saw you. But I didn’t. It was like that episode of Friends when Rachel can’t see her baby in the ultrasound but pretends she does. Or like every “Where’s Waldo” book I read as a child growing up. You were the baby in utero and you were Waldo, except you didn’t look like the shape of a peanut, and you weren’t wearing a red & white striped shirt. So I couldn’t find you.

But then… the crowd parted, the noise disappeared and one light shined brighter than any other onto one of the tall, dark handsome shadows… and there you were. In all your Robert Pattinson see-me-with-a-beard-and-dressed-adorkably- mismatched-one-day-then-shock-you-with-a-slight-shave-and-hair-trim-in-a-suit-that-only-I-could-pull-off glory. It was epic. I’m not sure anyone’s virginity loss was more amazing than mine was at that very moment. I popped my “see Robert Pattinson in person” cherry right there on a street corner in front of the CPK next to those Germans who couldn’t understand why anyone would get dressed up to watch movie stars, yet stayed for the entire premiere, and in front of that paparazzi on a step ladder whose junk was in my face every time I turned to Moon to say, “OMG I think I see Buttcrack Santa!” And in that moment, that blessed moment when I spotted the “peanut” and noticed the “red & white stripes” that were camouflaging you, I stupidly attempted to take pictures. But then I said to myself, “UC- this moment is EPIC! That’s Robert Pattinson. Currently on your camera screen, that’s a blurry blog in the slight shape of Robert Pattinson. Look at the REAL THING. Download the digital thing when you get home.” So I put down the camera, and looked….like I really looked. And I realized you’re real!

Yes, after almost a year of writing to you daily, I didn’t realize you were a real person. Moon has seen you four times now and yet that made no difference to me. You were Rob- a guy I wrote to. A guy in a movie that blew. A really, really hot guy. A guy that made awkward jokes and took amazing pictures. Just a guy- on my TV; on the movie screen; on my computer; on at least 400 of the 1825 pages of fanfic I have shoved under my bed. But seeing you tonight? It made you real. You exist. You’re not just a figment of my imagination.

I rushed home after the event (aka HOURS later after dinner, after taking pictures of everyone as they left the theater to go to the party, after swapping stories with our friends on the street and after a 5 time loop around attempt at stalking the after-party) to see the close-up shots taken by photographers who have the ability to capture more than just a Robert Pattinson shaped blurry blob. Here are some of my favorites after the jump:

The one when Nick & the bodyguard (we call him Steve) tag-teamed
and pinched Rob’s ass

The one where Rob smells someone who camped out for four days

The one where Rob finds out there’s an IN-N-OUT a block away

The one where someone tells him this isn’t actually the opening of America’s first Heineken brewery
and he won’t be cutting any ceremonial ribbons.

The ones where it’s hard to believe he’s real (but he is…I saw the real thing…)

And do you know what else, Rob? Pictures of you don’t even do you justice. You are so much more incredible looking in real-life. Yes- I said that. I didn’t think that was possible, but take it from me, newly de-virginized UnintendedChoice who stayed up till 3:30 am to tell the world about her virginity loss, photographs have nothing on the real thing.

I found Waldo,
UnintendedChoice xo

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Oh man, do I ever miss the good ol’ simple days of writing to Rob on the internet.

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