Put Out By Your Patronus?

At this point, literally every Harry Potter fan everywhere knows that Pottermore finally added a Patronus test to its features. This is something that fans have wanted for ages, but of course- as with everything that has an incredibly large and obsessive fan base- almost as soon as we got it there were complaints about it. If you haven’t discovered your Patronus yet, you can do it here (you need a Pottermore account to do it). Yes, there have already been reports of people with multiple accounts getting different results when they’ve taken the quiz. It’s a computer algorithm, we can really only expect so much.

There seem to be just under 150 possible results, both magical and non-magical creatures. Some of them are really cool! Some of them are…not so cool. I got a West Highland Terrier, which I thought was cute.

I was ever so slightly jealous when my sister got a fox, and several friends got different varieties of cats and dogs. The cream of the crop Patronuses were very rare magical creatures, like Dragons and Thestrals.

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I would have lost my shit if I got something that amazing, and probably would have had it tattooed on myself somewhere. Nothing can harm me with such a majestic beast guarding my soul. But on the whole I’m pretty happy with my little dog. Quite a few vocal fans that got some of the less badass options were left quite disappointed.

Don’t talk to me about nobility or tenaciousness or Ron’s wonderful family – my life is OVER pic.twitter.com/FiMoDLTbbG

— Joss Whedon (@joss) September 22, 2016

Boss: “Hey. I need you to put some pants on. Big time.”
Me: “MY PATRONUS IS A FUCKING AARDVARK, KAREN. WHAT’S THE POINT?” pic.twitter.com/NXNdyB1QHv

— Taylor Ortega (@taylor_ortega) September 22, 2016

If I actually had a mole as a patronus I’d just let the dementors eat my soul

— Scott (@ScottStyleKing) September 22, 2016

thought I was having a bad morning, then pottermore told me my patronus was a “dragonfly” so I realized I’m actually just having a bad life

— grace mohs (@gracemohs) September 22, 2016

A friend of my sister got a Hedgehog, which is adorable, but isn’t incredibly fierce. Can you imagine a Dementor bearing down on you, casting the Patronus Charm to protect yourself and watching as a hedgehog pops out? Way to strike fear in the soul sucking non-heart of that terrifying creature.

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Feel its tiny wrath. If you’re dissatisfied with your Patronus and are living that #Winky life

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just remember that first of all, this was designed to be fun. Also, J.K. Rowling has said that your Patronus can change, so there’s always the chance that somewhere along the way you can retake the test and get something that you like better. Basically, this is all fake anyway, and your imaginary animal protector can be whatever you want it to be.

What’s your Patronus?! Are you happy with it?

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