But if there’s anything that tells you how the newlyweds feel about you, it’s your number. You know what I mean: the dreaded table number assignment. Being assigned a table is the adult version of elementary school kickball: you pray that you’re not picked last, or in this case, not placed at the last table.
Let’s face it, there is a wedding reception table arrangement pecking order:
The low single digits, like tables one to three, go to family members.
As you move up, like tables four to six, these include people who were cut from the bride and groom’s attendants list, and they’re most likely the happiest people at the wedding. Why? Because they didn’t have to rent a tux or buy a dress that they’ll never wear again. (And as a seven times bridesmaid, I have yet to wear one of my dresses, but one day…)
Tables seven to nine are a hodgepodge: cousins you rarely see, great aunts and uncles who you met one time and had to be reminded by your mom are actually alive, coworkers who were subjected to company hours hearing about whether you should serve chicken a la king or chicken corden bleu, and that one college frenemy that you just had to invite because you walked down the aisle before that bitch.
And then we get to the double digit tables. No matter what the venue is, these tables never have a good seat. If you find your seat here, it’s a waiting game. You wait for the bride and groom to come over and grace you with their presence with their typical, “I’m so glad you were able to come. Thank you so much.” Guess what? They weren’t glad you were able to come. In fact, they were hoping you would RSVP No, making it one less chicken corden bleu someone who have to pay for. You wait for the food, even though you’re probably seated in front of it and getting third degree burns from the steam wafting from the wild grain pilaf food warmer. And cake? Good luck on a slice that has less density than tissue paper.
So who is typically placed at those tables? Table 19 seats Anna Kendrick, also known as the actress that now stars in every single film about a woman under 30, at the loser table.
Why was she placed there, and who is with her? Here’s a quick synopsis:
Ex-maid of honor Eloise – having been relieved of her duties after being unceremoniously dumped by the best man via text- decides to attend the wedding anyway only to find herself seated with 5 “random” guests at the dreaded Table 19.
They placed the word random into quotes, so my educated guess is that the arrangement is anything but. Table 19 is definitely a “we’ve all been there” movie, and with a cast that includes Lisa Kudrow, Craig Ferguson, Steven Merchant and an Australian actor I’m fairly sure is a Hemsworth but I will “research” and stalk follow on all social media…
…it looks like a wedding I would be happy to RSVP yes.
