I am writing from the bed of my friend’s house in Fredericksburg, VA, a very patriotic place to celebrate America’s birthday, with the sound of fireworks going off outside my window, after spending the day celebrating my friend’s return from her deployment. PLUS, you can see Eagles flying over the river in their backyard. Hashtag Freedom ya’ll. #Freedom.
All day I was thinking about what to write for the holiday, and this one image was seared in my mind. Seared, I tell you. And I knew I’d have to bring you a major throw back post today that was posted wayyyy back in the beginning of the internet days, back when <g> actually made sense (sorta) and we didn’t tag images and posts appropriately allowing us to easily find missing entertaining posts 7 years after the fact.
But I did it, I dug into the depths of the internet (I mean LetterstoTwilight.com) to bring you this NSFW patriotic image. Introducing you to: Naked Flag Lady.
If you’ve been around for a long time, I know you remember that special treat. No one is more patriotic than Naked Flag Lady.
And just because I’m feeling patriotic, I thought I’d re-post the original post where naked flag lady first made her appearance way back on July 4th, 2009:
Happy 4th of July from the Twilight Gang
The crew over at the Cullen house asked us to pass along their tips & advice to enjoy the best Independence Day possible!
(If you’re not from the US and not celebrating the holiday today, you could still take to heart these words of wisdom)
Carlisle: Practice safety while using fireworks. The 4th of July is the most dangerous holiday in the US due to misuse of fireworks. Most loss of limbs could be prevented- it is due to stupid mistakes from people not following instruction (When it’s not due to stupid mistakes, it’s usually the fault of my son, Jasper, but I don’t write that on the medical report)
Esme: If you don’t want to cook Italiano, try my favorite recipe. All the Cullens love it on special occasions. Hunt a fresh mountain lion and a fresh grizzly bear. Track them down, stalk them, pounce and then kill them. Drag them back to the family house and then drink the blood. Sprinkle with love and stir in good times.
Rosalie: When I was a human, I celebrated 4th of July every year by being crowned the Independence Queen at the Rochester, NY Independence Day fair. Of course, I never intended to become a vampire, so I don’t celebrate the holiday anymore.
Emmett: My advice is simple- get yourself a hot girl, a keg (I prefer a deer blood keg) and a raw bear burger. Grab the fam- play a lil baseball and you’re set!
Bella: I find to keep your child occupied during the day, if you have no other children for him/her to play with, it is best to invest in a dog. In our case, we have a wolf. And while you’re at it, if your kids are playing with wolves, why not let them play in traffic too.
Edward: I’ve learned that if you have accident-prone or klutzy people in your family, it’s best to keep them away from the grill, the fireworks, the stick you use for s’mores, the diving board on the pool, the volleyball court and the local Native American reservation. (If you have a reservation near by, you’d probably be safest to lock up your loved one…) Another tip that you can learn from my mistakes is to practice safe sex. You never know if someone’s semen, though it should be venemous, is actually safe & will produce a half-vampire child. Even Alice didn’t see that one coming…
Alice: It is not okay to help yourself to seconds or grab an extra large piece of patriotic cake. I know you think you’re going to exercise tomorrow, but trust me. You won’t. You can always bet on me
Jasper: Are you usually the one who laughs at the people wearing the flag t-shirts whistling “America the Beautiful” all day long? Don’t really feel like you have a patriotic spirit? Don’t worry. This year, with my help, you will wake up with the Star Spangled Banner stuck in your head all day, which you will sing, loudly, for everyone to hear. And forget a flag t-shirt, you’re going to be inspired to collect all the flags in your neighbor’s yards & sew together your very own, custom, patriotic flag-outfit (similar to this one (UC note- NSFW) here.) You will feel patriotic this holiday, with my help!
I didn’t think there could be a better way to celebrate America’s birthday than with the Twilight crew.
Happy Birthday America! And Enjoy a safe and happy holiday to all of you! Now, look at Naked Flag Lady again!
