Awhile ago, (specifically Jan 16, 2014 because I have that momentous date tattooed across my neck) Susan posted on That’s Normal and I decided we should be friends and immediately started stalking chattin’ her up on twitter. And over the course of the next 9 months, enter Katy, Barb, Heidi and Amy. These women are some of the funniest people I know. I pepper every tweet, text and email with more ‘lol’ s than your average 12 year old, but I’m never actually laughing out loud (shocker, I know). UNTIL I STARTED HANGING WITH THESE CRAZIES. Now ‘lol’ is a legit real condition that happens to me everyday.
I often see people tweet “all because Diana wrote a book” and in this case, it’s true. You know how someone introduces you to someone else and sometimes you actually become better friends with the new friend than the first friend who introduced you and then you don’t even see that first friend anymore? So that’s what happened. Outlander introduced me to these women and now we don’t even talk about Outlander. (Okay, that’s a lie. We may still talk about Outlander a teeny bit.)
Can you forgive me Outlander?
Taking it IRL
When the idea of a girls weekend in San Francisco came up during some late night tweeting, I said yes. And immediately was filled with all kindsa doubt.
Actual convo I had with myself:
Tonja: I don’t even know these people!
Self: This is only sorta not really true. You have communicated using 140 characters or less with at least one of these women per day for approx 9 months.
Tonja: What if they are total nut jobs?
Self: YOU are a nut job. So, simma.
Tonja: What if they drag me on a kink.com tour or the human ottoman wears his gimp mask?
Self: Don’t worry. Heidi will cry in the corner with you if necessary.
Tonja: What if it’s a disaster?
Self: At least you will be in San Francisco.
Hmmm. You have a point.
I’m guessing they all had the same convos in their heads? Actually, their convos were probably more like this…
“Is Tonja a total prude and gonna hold us back?”
“Maybe. But at least we’ll have someone along to post our bail.”
Or maybe they wouldn’t even want me to spring them…
Spoiler: I didn’t get murdered
When Katy Grace picked me up from the airport we laughed and talked like we’d been separated at birth.
It was pretty much like that when I met everyone else. And for the record, I didn’t make hotel arrangements for that first night. I was committed. I was staying at Katy’s. I figured, if this was gonna fail, let’s go down in flames.
Of course there were no flames. Everything was totally “normal”. Or as normal as it can be when you meet someone (Susan) and share a kids bedroom an hour later. (At least we each had our own twin bed?)
It was a typical girls weekend:
- Brunch with birthday Bellinis
- Shopping (Susan FORCED me to buy some rockin’ heels)
- Sightseeing (sea lions! Blue Angels! FLEET WEEK!)
- Getting accosted by a woman who had Ebola (99.99% positive on this)
Also typical for 4 women who read a lot of erotica:
- Hiring a manservant (yes, OF COURSE this is a thing in San Fran)
- Going on a beard safari
- Cougaring on a hot & adorable bartender
- Interviewing an erotica author (I developed a crush on Tiffany Reisz: Watch our Interviews here) while propping our feet on a human ottoman (don’t ask)
The foot propping/human ottoman part of the weekend. Love you DGee!
Wait…. Manservant?
Lemme guess, you’re still stuck on ‘manservant’, right? (Actually you’re probably stuck on ‘human ottoman’ but I told you not to ask). Check it: http://manservants.co/whats-a-manservant.html . I think they typically get hired to go to a bar with a group of women, get them drinks and fend off hands-y youngsters on the dance floor.
BUT WE ARE NOT TYPICAL.
“Commander” made drinks. (Yes, you can name your manservant). Washed our dishes. Fanned us. Braided Katy’s hair. Gave Susan a foot massage. Read erotic poetry to Barb. And most importantly, made a recording for me saying “You’re right, Tonja. I’m sorry”. I listen to it at least 3x a day. (I mean, seriously, does anyone say that to you EVER?!).
Sidenote: All Heidi wanted was to know when the last BART train left and for the record, MISERABLE FAIL. Come on, Commander. The website says ‘What Women Really Want’. And we really wanted help with travel logistics. #FalseAdvertising
We obviously rounded out the evening with Commander by playing “Never Have I Ever”. (No surprise – I won the “Who is the Biggest Nun” competition.) Forget Cards Against Humanity – go old school and play “I Never” at your next dinner party. I promise you will reaaallly get to know the neighbors.
In the end, everyone was just who I thought they would be. Fun, funny and all around great women who I feel so happy to now ‘know’. It was surreal but not weird. At all. Each of us have busy lives and many fulfilling real life friendships. So why did we pursue these online friendships? Bonding with each other over something we all loved (Outlander, to start), made us realize we had a connection. I love it that we chose not to ignore it.
Never mind that I still don’t know their last names.
Have you done something that probably seemed bizarre to other people? Have you met your twitter friends in real life? Have you gone on a beard safari? Its time you say yes to something crazy. (Except maybe crystal meth. Always a good idea to say no to that kind of crazy.)
*Editor (Bekah’s) Note: MASSIVE apologies to Tonja and ALL these girls because I’ve had this post for well over a year waiting to be published . FORGIVE ME.
Written by Tonja
Current obsessions: California peaches, Poldark, reading at the pool, procrastination, Michigan in summer, high threadcount sheets, making lists, trying to get her dog to pose for a selfie, Outlander (of course), French press coffee with a ridiculous amount of half and half. Follow her on twitter @texastonja
