By my count, this was my 27th Bloody Mary
But I’m back to land of the working stiff, and last weekend I decided to tackle the KonMari portion of cleaning up my closets.
Quick reminder. What is KonMari? It’s the life changing magic of tidying up. Author Marie Kondo’s KonMari method teaches you to de-clutter and organize your space, getting rid of anything you no longer find useful, only keeping physical objects that give you joy. From hairbands to hair band CDs, Kondo’s book gives you the needed push to clean up your crap. No one wants to die and have the paramedics walk in and say, “Oh. Hoarder.”
Kondo believes in tidying up your home by category. While I was supposed to start with clothes, I started with books because I knew that my clothes would take a while and home construction was preventing me from fully accessing one of my closets.
But now I was ready for the garments. Things I knew going in:
- I have a lot of clothes because I love Nordstrom and Saks, and dang it if those places don’t sell clothes.
- I have way too many tennis outfits.
- I have way too many pairs of wacky, fuzzy socks (the kind they sell in the check-out line at Marshall’s).
- I have way too many pairs of Hanes white cotton panties.
I went into my closets with a serious mind. If something didn’t give me joy, it was going in the donate pile. IT WAS!
Kondo says to play “keep/toss” by dividing your clothes into Subcategories. Top, bottoms, clothes that are hung, socks, underwear, bags, shoes, etc. It’s gentle OCD for your purge.
Kondo says that when going through your clothes, place every item on the floor. HARD PASS on that one. My floors are covered in more Golden Retriever hair than our actual Golden Retriever. Plus, I’m lazy, so I’m not going to re-hang clothes I know I want to keep.
I started with items that go in my drawers because I knew from my KonMari cult buddies that configuring/folding/containing everything properly could be a pain in the butt.
Store your clothes in two way: One is to put them on hangers and hang from a rod and the other to fold them and put them away in drawers.
This particular book doesn’t have pictures that show the best way to fold, so I went to Pinterest for ideas. KonMari cultists have got you covered. Pinterest is a treasure trove of folding possibilities.
I folded my socks. I rolled my panties. I stacked my bras.
I was the folding MASTER! I’m Kenny Rogers! I know when to fold ’em.
Then I moved onto my hanging clothes. Kondo recommends no letting your hanging clothes touch, and mine don’t. But please note! This rule of KonMari would be impossible if you have small closets. Like, don’t even bother or feel guilty about it. Space is space. That’s physics.
The thing I love about KonMari is that it’s really a psychological exercise, forcing you to examine why you are keeping certain pieces of clothing. Is it nostalgia? Hoping to be a better size some day? Scared to throw away your interview suit because unemployment is lurking behind every email from your boss?
My biggest realization? I was holding onto clothes because I felt I should, not because I wanted to. I can’t even say no to woven fabrics!
- I had shoes that were not comfortable. I had pants that fit weird on days when I was bloated (aka every day). I had bras that encased my boobs before I had my daughter. She’s seven years old, and my boobs are a totally different animal different now.
- I still had a cotton jersey from high school softball. Yes, my name and number were on there, but I HATED softball. HATED it. Fuck you, fast pitch.
- My 2013 Boston Marathon shirt. Remember that race? The one with the bombs? I HATED that race. HATED it.
Send this to that Tsarnaev jerkwad in his jail cell
Some articles of clothing I still loved, but they were taking up space I really needed. That polka dot Esprint tank. That vintage red floral sundress. The black beaded BCBG I wore to my first charity ball in 1996. I literally thanked them for giving me joy in the past and told them it was now time to move on with my life. I said goodbye to my clothes…OUT LOUD. Yes, I’m the woman who talks to her clothes.
One thing the Kondo says that I strongly agree with: Don’t keep crap clothes and call it “loungewear.”
One thing that Kondo says that I strongly disagree with: Don’t store seasonal clothes. Come again? I live in New England, lady. My seasonal clothes are bulky. I’m not going to invest in another set of drawers that won’t fit in my closet in order to not “store” my parka and ski pants.
I miss the 80s
After spending an entire Saturday folding, making boxes and inserts, tossing, hugging, struggling, tossing, and hanging, I DID IT. My clothes got the KonMari treatment. I filled 10 Hefty bags full of clothes to donate. Do I feel better? Yes. Letting go felt very powerful to me. I can’t go back and change my past, but I don’t have to look at every time I open I open my closet Lord, let me never think of softball or rice cooker bombs again.
