Every time I type The Big Short, my phone auto-corrects it to “bug shirt.” You know how some Catholics wear a hair shirt, for penance? Imagine wearing a BUG shirt. That is some messed up flagellation.
But my iPhone might be onto something because The Big Short sure did bug me. Let me put on my BUG SHIRT to explain why.
The Big Short – with its five Oscar nominations – tells the story of the US housing bubble that blew up the US economy in the late aughts. The “bad guys” are the bank and mortgage people who created the bubble. The “good guys” are the Wall Street people who deduced that it was all a pile of poo, bet on the bubble bursting, and won big. Except there are no “good guys” because their winning meant that we – the citizens and taxpayers of the United States – paid for the whole damn thing and lost. We lost our homes. Our jobs. Our retirement savings. Yay, good guys?
Over the Christmas break, I went to see The Big Short with my high school bestie. We snuck in some Fireball, mixed it with Sprite, and created a new cocktail we call “This tastes just like Big Red.” Unfortunately, bad whiskey and popcorn did nothing to assuage my anger while watching. Not that the movie told me a lot I didn’t already know.
In my day job, I work with a lot of Wall Street investor guys. They are not always the brightest bulbs, and yet they are being asked to make investment decisions on markets and technologies they don’t understand. Every time I get off the phone with an Ivy League dudebro at Morgan Citi Chase Blackstone, I realize that the stock market and investments are very akin to Atlantic City. Gambling with idiots. Except when I go to Atlantic City, I have a $200 limit. Elliot from Schwab Merrill Barney has millions.
Let me be clear. The Big Short is a very good movie. It’s smart entertainment, and it creates impotent rage in an Academy Winning way. Well done, Adam McKay!
The Big Short is also misogynistic. For no good reason that I can tell, Adam McKay decided that when women appeared in his film, they had to fall into three main categories: Wife. Silly idiot. Stripper/Bimbo. What?! He couldn’t include a hooker with a heart of gold?
Wife
Marisa Tomei plays the wife to Steve Carrell’s Mark Baum character. I think her character’s name is Mrs. Baum. Her role? To provides support and love to her man from her Park Avenue apartment. Such complexity.
Silly Idiot
A woman works for Goldman Sachs. She is confident that Christian Bale is crazy for betting against stable mortgage backed bonds, thinking she is going to take him for a ride. But jokes on you, lady! Because Christian Bale has a peen and knows things.
Strippers & Bimbos
The first stripper we meet is an example of how precarious the mortgage market it. While taking off her clothes, the dancer lady tells Steve Carrell that she has like 5 mortgages! A stripper who wants to refinance! Because the Gods of movie exposition demand it, she is stripping for a fully clothed Steve Carell while she explains this. He can’t fully realize the enormity of the crisis without looking at the enormity of her chest.
Bimbo #1: Oh! it’s Margot Robbie in tub. Naked! Under those bubbles! Explaining to the audience what a subprime mortgage is! Because how else would I, the viewer, understand such a complex economic idea without bewbs covered in Mr. Bubble!
Bimbo #2: Oh! it’s Selena Gomez in Vegas! She’s sitting next to Dr. Richard Thayler, old guy and University of Chicago economist. He’s a man, so he gets to wear a suit. Selena is a woman, so she gets to wear a sleeveless scoop neck that works well when breastfeeding. Selena is explaining to the audience what a collateralized debt obligation is! Because how else would I, the viewer, understand such a complex economic idea without bewbs on a blackjack table!
No good Reason for my Bug Shirt
All of this is made even more infuriating when there was a woman – Meredith Whitney – who actually forecast the housing financial crisis and was featured in Michael Lewis’s book of the same name that inspired the movie. Unfortunately, Ms. Whitney doesn’t fall into the wife/idiot/bimbo category, so the screenwriters couldn’t be bothered to include her. I guess we should all be glad McKay didn’t ask her to don her Victoria’s Secret demi cup and explain what a credit default swap is.
So did you see The Big Short? Did you like it? What was your favorite female character? Did you know Urban Outfitters sells a bug shirt?
