And yes, that’s Sleeping Beauty’s Prince Philip. Don’t you judge.
Little did we know we were girding our loins for the release of The Legend of Tarzan preview, otherwise known as Alexander Skarsgard’s on-ramp extravaganza. (Credit goes to Beth for finally getting me to call it an on-ramp and not what I usually called it: the devil’s v train.)
First, came the photos of the man raised by apes.
Apparently, being raised by apes, eating a diet of nothing but bananas and larvae (and yes, that was researched on Wikipedia), and swinging on vines through the jungle are the keys for an epic six pack. Good to know.
Tarzan’s foreplay is to smell the back of your head? Kinky.
I’m going to be honest: the first thought that went through my mind was that my theory about hot men covered in dirt and blood was further proven true. It’s scientifically proven. My second thought was Please God, don’t let Phil Collins be on the soundtrack. (My third thought was I could serve my Christmas dinner party buffet on those abs. God bless us everyone.)
And then came the celluloid evolution that is now at the top of my YouTube history and has sparked recommendations of Disney’s Tarzan and clips from Gorillas in the Mist on my home page.
The film focuses on Tarzan post-jungle life, living in London with his wife, Jane. But soon the tea times, bad British food, and collared shirts are not enough to tame the inner beast and the call of the ape lures him back. Next we see, he’s wrestling with apes, Samuel L. Jackson is this close to saying something about mother fucking apes, Margot Robbie’s Jane shows that the jungle’s humidity is no match for her perfectly coifed hair, and Christoph Waltz is once again the foil to a hot guy. (Ask Brad Pitt or Robert Pattinson. Also, if you are even able to be near them, tell them I say, “Sup,” and don’t forget to tell them how chill I am.)
Here’s Tarzan, himself, describing the storyline:
“This is about a man who’s holding back and slowly as you peel off the layers, he reverts back to a more animalistic state and lets that side of his personality out.”
So, pretty much he decides humans suck, shirts are stifling and flinging his shit and doing it gorilla style are acceptable.
Okay, I’m down. Let’s do this.
Welcome back to the jungle, Tarzan.
Are you excited as me to see this film? Or are you just staring at the pictures? No judgement!
