We Need To Talk about Josh Hartnett

Let’s do a little through the stones action and take a trip back in time to 2001. I was happily and naively wearing cargo capris, American Eagle halter tops and black plastic Burkis on dates. I liked that one Mystikal song, and I knew all the parts to Alicia Keyes’ Fallin. I saw Moulin Rouge something like 11 times in the theater. I was obsessed with Sex and the City. I went to midnight showings of both Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings with car loads of guy friends. I bought special edition DVD versions of The Royal Tenebaums and Amelie and actually owned a Destiny’s Child CD.

But somehow this idyllic year was not all that it could have been. Sure, I was totally in love with the hottest guy I’d ever met. We got engaged in April and spent the rest of 2001 planning a wedding, going on vacations, and enjoying health insurance that our parents were still paying for. How could it possibly have not been wonderful?

BECAUSE NONE OF YOU JACKASSES TOLD ME ABOUT JOSH HARTNETT

You see, there were two very popular movies that year that I never saw and never cared about. Pearl Harbor and Black Hawk Down. The former I refused to watch because of that horrific song. And the other? Well that sounded like a dude film.

Fast forward 13 years to 2014, and I’m happily wearing chambray button downs and flowy skirts … and square chunky heels are coming back (Thor save us!). I really hate Beyonce, and I sent all my Sex and the City DVDs to Goodwill like 7 years ago. My Lord of the Rings Special Edition Argonaths Bookends are missing their hands because Kids.Are.The.Worst. And here I am, minding my own business hoping that I won’t have to wear square heels again, and tuning into the new Victorian-Gothic show in Showtime, Penny Dreadful, knowing I’m going to totally love its kooky literary vibe. And what do I get?

A BIG SMACKING SEXY PIE IN THE FACE IN THE FORM OF ONE JOSH HARTNETT

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I’ve spent over a decade ignoring this dude because 2001 was a year of great movies so I didn’t have to see dumb wartime dude flicks, when I could have been indulging in these hair flips and deep baritone laughs and DAMMIT.

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No more! I’ve learned the error of my ways. And if you haven’t, and you are still living in the vast wasteland that is a world without Josh Hartnett, know what you are missing.

 

These Strong Shoulders

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This Forceful Cursing

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This Glasses/Man Bun/Broody Dancing Combo

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This Accent

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These Forehead Kisses

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These Erudite Interviews

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This bi-curious hotness

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This Bowler Hat

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This Swagger

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This Gun Belt

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This Adorableness

This Back View

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AND

THIS

RIGHT

HERE

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This post is dedicated to my very good friend, Amy, who has loved Josh longer than I have known her. Amy, if we had been smart enough to know each other better in 2001 we could have shared all of this (as well as Twofer Tequila Nights at Neon Moon), but oh well. You had him first.

Watch Josh talk Ethan in Penny Dreadful this season and try not to swoon.

Sunday night’s episode of Penny Dreadful finally got Ethan/Vanessa fans the show they’ve been waiting for. And me, personally, as I was really invested in Lumberjack!Ethan, and he made a spectacular appearance. If you aren’t watching Penny Dreadful, what are you doing with your Sunday nights?

Are you all caught up with season 2 of Penny Dreadful? Are you a long time Josh fan or, like me, has Ethan opened your eyes to how incredible an actor he is?