Jamie: Why does Tom feed his bow tie to that jaguar? I feel like PETA is gonna be up his ass about that. Also, why would you taunt an animal like that? It’s going to get pissed and slash you in the jugular.
Lorena: Once I finally figured out wtf that actually was (I seriously thought it was a giant piece of meat on the first viewing—what else do you feed a big cat?), I realized that it was NOT Tom’s bowtie. Remember the baddie from the first commercial
See what he’s wearing? Now watch it again and listen to Tom’s words.
Jamie: So…they’re implying that Tom fed Ben Kingsley to that jaguar?
Lorena: Yes, he’s the new leader
Jamie: He would never do such a thing. Ben has done Shakespeare!
Lorena: Villainy is an art form, Jamie
Jamie: I suppose. But that’s so horribly graphic. This is a car commercial.
Lorena: Sometimes you must sacrifice
Jamie: We don’t need to picture Ben Kingsley’s half mauled carcass
Lorena: Well they didn’t SHOW it, they just implied it. We don’t really know, he could be alive and shoved in the roomy trunk of the XE. They DID note that it’s super efficient… maybe that’s the villain way of saying, “Fits your dead and kidnapped bodies alike.”
Jamie: True. So Nicholas Hoult is tom’s new nerdy protege or something?
Lorena: His Q? Maybe. Let’s hope he doesn’t go Beast Mode like they throw reference to…
Jamie: Well this commercial started with a horrifying murder apparently, so anything is possible
Lorena: All things are possible when sports cars are described as efficient
Unleash the Cats?
Lorena: I feel this is not Tom’s best Jaguar commercial.
Jamie: They also have him say “unleash the cats”, which is so lame
Lorena: I do enjoy his Shakespeare voice when he yells “Go forth and rule the roads!”
Jamie: Channeling Henry V from The Hollow Crown…
Lorena: I think I want to ask Tom what it was like to pet a jaguar. I’m pretty uncomfortable with it still. I’m afraid it’s going to bite off his hand or something.
Jamie: And with those seizure inducing lights surrounding it, it might flip out and maul him, so that’s a valid concern
Lorena: Or is that just a green screen?
Jamie: It probably was. But there is the one shot where it gives a kind of “what the fuck” look. But it’s a cat! Who knows what goes on in their heads?
Lorena: Right, and the eyes look like baby owl eyes.
Inappropriate Graphics Work
Jamie: I feel like they went overboard with the whole “room of screens” thing. Like in certain shots it almost totally obscuring Tom’s face. Which is unacceptable. That’s the whole reason I even watched the dumb commercial!
Lorena: RIGHT! Like why are they playing around like that? They know the viewers care about ONE thing, and it isn’t their cars
Jamie: Exactly. If spokespeople weren’t important, they would grab any rando off the street
