Think back really hard to like … two weeks ago, when Outlander looked like a totally different show than it did this week. Remember? There were inquisitions and intrigues and gallant rescues and lady bonding! Never mind, that kind of sounds like this week as well. Anyway, it was episode 111, The Devil’s Mark, and it’s the latest one that Blurtlander has seen. So think back to it, relax, and enjoy (if you can).
Last Week on the Episode With the Hella Long Title
Who were those guys by the way? Like police? Do they not know Jamie?
You would think Doug and James would have some pull in that shifty little town, even if they weren’t there.
*does air drums*
*does choir director arms*
How do you say her name? I kept reading it online and thought it was like Laggararry. Lag Hairy.
So that’s the name of the stupid young beeyotch.
What’s the name of the sorcerer right there? GAY LISS. That’s right. The chick from Our Fault in Your Stars.
THIS HOLE
Wouldn’t you think being thrown in that hole would have broken an arm or something?
Remember that time when we were first dating and you fell down the stairs in front of me. Did you break anything?
Does it embarrass you for me to bring it up? Be honest.
Poison wan’t old fashioned back then. New-fashioned.
What’s “ye ken”?
Do they even know who King Arthur IS at that point? Isn’t it the same era?
Dougal is a ladies’ man. A lass man.
Why don’t they just climb out of that hole?
Look how short that hole is. Climb up there. Then up there. And OUT.
I aint gonna lie next to you, witch. Ye old heiffer.
The Trial
I don’t recognize any of these assholes.
Are they in the same f—ing town?
What’s a maypole?
Where’s Colum at?
He needs to show up and save the day.
The one time he decides NOT to walk somewhere, he’s needed.
She’s gonna make it. They aren’t gonna die. Just watch.
Ned!
OOOoooooo, let him in.
Did Colum send the lawyer there?
This maid’s a lying hoor.
Is that it? They just believe that dude’s word over hers?
A little out of balance, isn’t it?
Are they talking about the Glo Worm baby?
That bitch has got witch eyes herself.
Dead … just like we planned!
I don’t think Ned really believes that does he? About the fairies. He’s educated and shit.
Claire: Did Colum send you?
Ned: Sort of the opposite of that.
Him: Well Colum is just a piece of shit.
Could Colum stop this if he wanted to?
Would he have to walk down there?
Bc they would die before he hobbled over there.
And the Next Day …
This is all a set up to see if she really loves Jamie, isn’t it?
This trial is hiding something else. There’s something else going on.
Their hair’s quite nice looking for being in a hole for 2 days.
Now they’re going to be accused of being lesbians bc she touched her belly.
I think ol’ Colum is gonna come in at the last minute and pardon everyone.
Oh look there’s the ol Big Tits Mackenzie.
Are they even hearing anything Claire says?
Look a false prophet.
Good, Friar F—Face. GTFO.
He did that on purpose, didn’t he?
What a c—nugget.
Oh Father Bain is screwing Laoghaire.
I hope Benjamin Franklin here can make it better.
OH MY GOD. They used this whole thing to try to figure out why she’s really there.
See!!! I’m right!
Him: They’re trying to see where her loyalties lie.
Me: Seriously that’s your theory?
Him: I haven’t read the books, asshole.
Are they gonna really kill Geillis? She’s the best character on the show.
I’m sure Jamie is gonna come in on a white horse and save the damn day.
Maybe Colum’s horse broke down and he’s walking. And he missed the whole damn trial bc it’s a long freaking walk.
WTF.
WHAT.
WTF.
Why did she say 1968? They haven’t been in 1968.
I think Diana Gabaldon was smoking some crack when she wrote this.
Another chance to get this lady naked.
They’re gonna beat her.
OMG
Jamie is about to save the day.
SAMWISE GAMGEE TO SAVE THE DAY!!!!
He’s gonna kill this dude.
Are they really scared of Jamie, those people? Is he some great warrior or something?
NO, I don’t see shit. NO. There’s nothing there.
What are they doing?
Is she crowd surfing?
Why are they touching her?
There are some ignorant mother f—ers.
Reminds me of my dad.
Pretty sure that one guy is copping a feel.
Back in the Heather
Oh look, Jamie’s tending to her scars now. The roles are reversed.
Always got her shirt off.
Jamie: … let it be the truth.
Him: Do you like my hair?
Him: Is my c–k big enough?
Him: Do I have anything in my teeth?
Jamie: I have on thing to ask you.
Him: Are you a witch?
Jamie: Are you …
Him: or just a bitch?
Jamie: A witch?
Him: *guffaws*
*GUFFAWS*
This show just went to shit.
Do you think he even knows what the future is?
I believe you. I’m from 1971.
I’m Jim Morrison.
Why’s he got pants on again, by the way. Where’s his kilt?
Why would he not take her back to rocks now? Are they really far away?
I’m pretty sure her back is making her not in the mood.
I guess she’s always in the mood for JAMIE.
I’m gonna have to go to his school on how to make a woman orgasm. He’s really freaking good at it. That took 12 seconds.
Is she really fixing to go back to her own time?
She’s not gonna want to go back. She’s got stockholm syndrome now.
Can she hold his hand and he go with her?
So when she gets back does she tell Frank that she was boning some other dude? And that his great-grandfather tried to rape her like a million times?
Phallic symbols everywhere.
Oh look, Jamie’s burning the forest down in sadness.
So she just didn’t go back … or did it just not work?
Or are they doing this out of order and she went back for like 39 years and then came back?
I tell him she just decided to stay with Jamie.
That’s a pretty shitty explanation.
Gotta hand it to him there. So … Blurtlander and I have been crazy busy over the past few weeks, and it doesn’t seem to be slowing down any time soon. So hopefully we will get a chance to watch the rest of the episodes in a timely manner, but if we don’t … hey, at least it will give you something to look forward to during the wait for season 2!
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