The Unexpected Cure to my Celebrity Crush

As an adult, I feel we look back on many of our crushes or past boyfriends and have an eye-rolly moment at ourselves for how obsessed we were especially if you cannot see how you were attracted to that person. This is even more apparent with the connectivity of facebook, where you can be the ultimate lurker in other people’s lives. I am connected to a couple ex-boyfriends from high school and college and seeing them now somewhat kills any fuzzy warm feelings that I may still hold about them. One ex killed it for me with a strong regional accent, odd mannerisms and just overall bizarreness. Perhaps it was the rose-colored glasses of my youth, or in my opinion, he just got weirder as time went on. Another ex lost it for me when he referred to the people our age as “breeders.” Yes all you people with kids, that is how he sees you. Point of the story, different things can kill an attraction.

Which brings us to the subject at hand: my mega crush on Stephen Amell. I realized it was really becoming a problem when he was recently in my hometown for a local comic con and I had this fan delusion of actually hanging out. My reasonable self knew that was never going to happen — I laughed at the crazies buying tickets to his wine event thinking they would get to rub elbows with him — and yet in the back of my mind I fantasized about hanging out at the same bar — with a small part of me thinking it could happen. I contemplate putting his tweets on alert. I needed help.

Cut to this past weekend when I went down a googling sink hole and landed upon Stephen Amell’s early work in what one can only describe as Supernatural Gay soft porn, Dante’s Cove.

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Guys, you have no idea. This is a show on HereTV, which is a LGBT leaning network likely found on expanded packages on satellite.  All of that is fine and good, but after having watched a few clips, I am surprised this isn’t relegated to late night Skinemax. If we think that women are typically objectified in TV and movies, you haven’t seen this show. Every man is oiled up. So. Much. Body. Oil.

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This show is so terrible, so p*rny with the worst special effects. I believe that I said out loud, “What is this fuckery?!” And compounded onto the insane premise of the show (I cannot even attempt to explain), the acting was terrible. Stephen’s acting was terrible. [Note: Stephen has fully admitted to bad acting in his early days] However, seeing this was a turn off. I mean, I was flabbergast. This shit was awful.

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The unexpected miracle of this cluster was the fact that if I watched the clips enough, my mega crush just turns into a low simmer. This is my Stephen Amell Kryptonite Chasity Belt. THANK GOD. I worried for my sanity.  While he has only gotten more attractive as he has gotten older, seeing him wet behind the ears and oiled up is not attractive in the least.

You’re welcome, fandom. Enjoy this crazy.

Have you heard of this show? Beware that most clips are NSFW.