Others get you with the first line:
“The day after Meg died, I received this letter –
I regret to inform you that I have had to take my own life. This decision has been a
long time coming, and was mine alone to make…”
And so begins Gayle Forman’s I Was Here, the TN Boozy Book Club selection for April.
The story focuses on eighteen year old Cody’s journey to discover the reasons why her steadfast, seemingly all together best friend since childhood Meg could end her own life. While cleaning out Meg’s college apartment, Cody comes across her laptop and encrypted files, which fuels her obsession to find the truth as well as alleviate her feelings of guilt.
“How can you not know that about your best friend? Even if she doesn’t tell you, how can you not know?”
What Cody discovers is that even the best of friends have room for secrets, no matter how close or inseparable you may be.
During her search, she meets Ben McAllister, a musician with a past connection to Meg. At first, Cody and Ben regard each other with a mix of caution and anger: Cody initially blaming Ben for Meg’s suicide. However, as more and more comes to light in Meg’s suicide, the two come to trust each other and deeper feelings emerge.
The emotional journey of Cody was just as compelling if not more so than finding out why Meg would end her life. As readers, we are given the internal conflict of Cody as she deals with both feeling guilt and anger against her best friend as well as her feelings for Ben. Cody is not a perfect character but that’s what makes her well-written: she’s realistic. She represents what many people go through upon being devastated by the suicide of a loved one: the sadness over the loss, the anger over feeling of being left behind, the guilt over what could have been done to stop it, and the acceptance that when one makes that decision, it is a decision made alone.
As for the characters, some felt that Cody and Ben were rushed – that one minute they hated each other and the next were professing their love. I understand that critique but I didn’t mind the pace of their relationship. In fact, I thought Cody’s connection to Ben allowed her to move forward in her grief and have that extra support that was necessary to propel her to the end.
The heart of the story was not the love story. The ultimate heart of the story, what propelled me to read was the closure that Cody so desperately sought. It’s not just her finding out why her best friend committed suicide. It’s about the journey to find herself and who she is beyond the girl she once was.
And if nothing else, read the Author’s Note. I have a deeper respect for Ms. Forman and the process it took to write this book and bringing mental illness to light in a brave and thoughtful way.
“Life can be hard and beautiful and messy, but hopefully, it will be long.”
On a completely different note, shout out to Gayle Forman for making Truckee, California a guest star in the book. That place is my second home and I literally screamed when I came across it. If you haven’t been to my happiest place on earth, put it in your Bucket List.
You’ll thank me.
Buy I Was Here by Gayle Forman
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