So, Outlander is back on our screens, and we at That’s Normal have talked about it alot already here and here, but the big news is … Blurtlander’s Back, except now he’s all big for his britches and thinking he’s got fans. Don’t encourage him.
Blurtlander was very excited about Outlander returning, if his watching the marathon a few weeks ago (ALONE without my provocation) is any indication. I came in from a day with the girls to see him in his boxers, watching Rent. His response to my raised eyebrow? “What? I gotta remember what happened. My fans need me.”
Oh brother.
If you want to go back and read more of Things My Husband Says During Outlander, here’s a handy guide. Just click.
Episode 101, Episode 102, Episode 103, Episode 104, Episode 105, Episode 106, Episode 107, Episode 108
Previews Confuse Him
I don’t remember that.
I don’t remember that either!
Wait. When did that happen?
Opening Scene
I think he’s talking more now that he did the whole first half of the season.
That guy’s button holes look like vaginas. Look how big they are!
He kind of looks like Woody Harrelson too.
You mean they didn’t put a new beginning up? Cheap ass.
I am disappointed that they didn’t have a new beginning, something added to it.
Never mind. I never want to wear a kilt if you have to effin’ lay down to put it on. That’s effed up. Like the effin hobbit or something. Rolling in the dirt every morning. Are they EVER clean?
Have Fun Storming the Castle
Looks like some Prebyterians running around.
Murtagh: Thank you.
Him: giggles
WTF kind of bird call was that? For real. A loon? (makes a call) What’s the hand for? You don’t need hands.
Look at his dress.
How many times are they gonna hit that same guy?
What? You go all the way to the top of the castle just to climb back down.
Looks like a mini skirt right now. Getting rope burnt.
He Remembers Nothing
You said this happened last season.
Is he raping her or something?
She’s got some 80s hair going on right there. Look at that. White Snake video.
Just shoot that mother f***er.
I guess the show would be over if he shot him, huh?
Wonder if she’s thinking “I wish I could put my boobs away.”
Or maybe (terrible accent): “I wish I could put ME boobs away.”
Who’s Ned?
I’d steal his sword right there. That’s a nice sword. I’d draw a dick on his forehead too.
I didn’t know they had hand grenades back then.
I know it wasn’t grenades.
I’m gonna push you off first, Claire. Hope you live.
Married Men Are Like: Jamie, no son
An apology? (giggles)
That’s not how you start a fight with your wife.
I have no f***ing clue what he just said.
Him: Did she do something wrong or something?
Me: explanation of why Jamie is upset with Claire
Him: Dammit, Diana Gabaldon.
Why is he the voice or whatever? It wasn’t like that last time was it? It’s dumb. He sounds [mentally challenged]. The beard should be narrating.
Oh that’s right. Claire used to narrate didn’t she? I forgot that.
Why are they ignoring her?
He looks like Samwise Gamgee, I’m sorry. His little blue coat.
“So I’ll have to box your ears.”
Jamie: And I’m gonna punish you for it.
Him: LAUGHS
Grab your ankles, Claire.
(giggles)
What kind of effed up marriage is this?
Look here, Beth. You embarrassed me today at church. So I’m gonna have to beat your ass. I may have to even give you a wee hint of a buckle.
If it had been some other rapscallions …
LAUGHS
They can all hear it?
Dude.
LAUGHS
Claire: No, thank you. I’ll stand. Over there.
Him: “F*ck all y’all.”
They wouldn’t speak to her until he beat her ass with a belt? Why didn’t he just lie and say he did it?
There is not one bit of authority in his voice. He’s a terrible reader.
They’re happy because … he spanked her?
“Thank God you spanked that english bitch! Let’s drink!”
I think that was a stunt ass.
Castle Intrigue Amuses Him
Whoa. I forgot about Bow Legs.
Laoghaire: Why’d you do it?
Him: Cause you’re a wee bit ugly.
Laoghaire: But why, Jamie?
Him: I like brunettes and you’re blonde. And a hussy
I can’t wait to spank you.
Is he the rightful King, ol’ bow legs?
Dougal: I’ve even assured your bloodline!
Him: Hoohohoo, yeah he has, hasn’t he?
He’s Heard This One
You whipped me. My ass is sore. I have a headache. You’ve never used mouthwash in your life. Take your pick.
Spank him too.
For someone who’s legs are like baby giraffe necks he sure does pace a whole f**king lot. Take a seat.
Blurtlander: About a Naive as Jamie
Is he gonna give her a spanking now too?
Are they gonna get it on?
Damn. Aren’t they worried about being seen?
Did they look down on cheating back then?
Vows are whut
Why is the sword holy?
Or dagger or whatever?
Jamie: Do you not want me anymore?
Him: “I want my damn flat iron!”
When you used to read me Outlander before I knew anything about this, I always saw Jamie as a giant man, rough and rigid, but also tender too, not so much of a pansy.
Watch out. He’s got his belt off again.
And that swiss cheese of a back. Good lord.
This is stupid. She’s the sadist.
This might as well just be porn.
Holy moly. Look at that mole. Where did that come from?
Look how dirty his neck is.
“You broke me cock.”
Kitchen? They don’t call it a kitchen back then.
Uh oh.
Voodoo doll.
Who? Oh the naked bitch.
Final thoughts
I think it’s the worst episode I’ve seen. He’s a terrible narrator. I’d rather hear Claire talk than him. She’s a good storyteller.
Looks like you should be afriad of Blurtlander, Sam. Not me. I’m nice.
So, there it is! Tell me and Blurtlander your favorite bits in the comments. He doesn’t know how to use the internet, but I’ll read them to him sometime in bed, and he will giggle.
Blurtlander will be on hold the next couple of weeks because I will be in Europe and Blurtlander will be holding down the fort at home, so we won’t get to watch together. But we will be back eventually.
