Look at Sebastian Stan’s bitch face. LOOK AT IT. As someone with quite the resting bitch face myself, I know quality when I see it and this is most definitely it. You can tell just from these photos that his character is going to be such a dick that you’re going to hate so much and I am totally here for it. The Bronze was written by Melissa Rauch (best known for her role in The Big Bang Theory) and her husband Winston, and Melissa also stars in the movie. The main character is Hope Greggory, a gymnast who won the bronze medal at the 2004 Olympics after an injury (a la Kerri Strug in 1996). Now she’s a huge has-been who’s still milking that win and uses it as an excuse to be awful to absolutely everyone. Like really, really awful. She’s so threatened by the talent of the young gymnast she’s coaching that she considers sabotaging her, but an encounter with Olympic recruiter Lance Tucker (Sebastian Stan) — her nemesis, ex-boyfriend, and former gold medalist gymnast– makes Hope reconsider her approach and finally get it together. (Sidenote: I’m obsessed with the name Lance Tucker. That is absolutely what a guy like that would be named.) The movie received a fair amount of buzz when it premiered at Sundance for one scene in particular. In case you missed the headlines: Most of them allude to Sebastian Stan nudity, and for that we can all be grateful.
And my personal favorite.
What a beautiful age we live in. It’s common knowledge at this point that sex scenes are notoriously horrible and embarrassing to film. Melissa Rouch used a body double for some of the scene, which is relatively common. And we can assume that Sebastian Stan did the same, right? Well we would be wrong. According to the director, “Sebastian did jump in there and do every bit of that sex scene.”
That embarrassed giggle thing really isn’t helping with the raging, all consuming crush that I have on him. Melissa clearly feels the same way.
Way to be, Melissa. That’s why you write your own movie. So where does this ridiculously raunchy and hilarious sex scene fit into the movie? Apparently after receiving some bad news, Hope gets drunk in a bar, runs into Lance, and ends up hooking up with him in a crappy hotel. The audience at Sundance went completely crazy, and from these highlights it seems like everyone else will too:
- “…the two spin from acrobatic sex positions to impressive flexibility holds. In a shot that elicited howls of laughter from the audience, a naked Rauch stretches out her arms and grips the circular curtain rods a la a rings apparatus while Stan . . . well, let’s just say the Olympics committee would blush watching it.” (x)
- “Is it possible to cartwheel flip oneself into a woman’s vagina? Can creative use of some gymnastic rings provide the leverage lacking in conventional doggystyle?” (x)
- “…there’s an image of Stan early in the scene where he reveals he has a tattoo of his own gold medal that starts above his bellybutton and ends… Well, you guess where…” (x)
If nothing else this sounds like the kind of movie that’ll be so much fun to watch with a theater full of people. There are worse ways to comfort ourselves this summer over the lack of Bucky in Age of Ultron.
But seriously, I can’t get over the bitch face. It’s clearly the best part about this whole thing.
