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Twilight, twilight virgin

The 44 Year Old (Twilight Series) Virgin

in on 02/26/15 by Guest Contributor 18 Comments

Like most 44 year old virgins, I wish I hadn’t waited so long….it was over waaay too fast, it was slightly painful, parts were waaay over-rated, parts were the WORLD’S BEST KEPT SECRET, and the ending was sort of anti-climactic.  Wait!!!  I’m almost there, I’m not ready…. over.  Wait.  That’s it??  Seriously, you get me all riled up (epic near-battle scene) and then:  THAT’S IT??

Full disclosure:  I never had any interest in reading these books because I was too busy trying to keep up with Diana Gabaldon’s universe (you know what I’m talking about) Then a group of very persuasive ladies (ahem) told me I just had to read Twilight. So, here we are!

Anywhooose, I actually really enjoyed the series; far more after I read an interview with Stephenie Meyer where she explained how it all came to be. I have a ton of respect for anyone who can get a story out of her head and on to paper in 3 months, all while taking care of 3 kids. And a pure novice to boot!! The twitterverse and Facebook are filled with people who think they are good writers and storyteller. Umm. No. She delivered, big.

A few Twilight Series observations:

I wish I had had the pleasure of reading it in real time.  I tore through all four books in about two weeks and think I really missed out on a great shared experience.  Having to wait in between books forces you to re-read them…to pine over your favorite characters, to dissect every word with like-minded fans.  You have time to really absorb the story. I didn’t have that….to me, it was a rollicking good time and a great page turner!

It’s pretty remarkable seeing the growth of the characters over the four books because of the growth of Stephenie Meyer as a writer. She never stopped being a fun and interesting story teller, she just seemed to get better at story editing and layers.

Twilight, twilight books, orderSource

I loved Bella and sort of hated her at the same time. A young lady strong enough to leave her mother so her weaker mother could be happy does not strike me as someone who would have such crap self-esteem FOR FOUR FRIGGEN BOOKS!!! Look, I get that my husband Jack completes me (shut up haters), but when you are 18 years old, the notion that you can only be a realized human when some super pretty and super rich guy likes you (and turns you in to a vampire) is a shitty message to send to young people. And quite frankly, it never seemed to jive with her inner strength; it was the one thing I didn’t like about her. Oh, and that stupid effing kid name. WTF?

I never really connected with Edward (would the movie be diff?? Rob Pattinson is hot on a stick….maybe that would help) I wish I could connect with him, but he was so controlling. I am anti-controlling men, but I am very pro hot men, so who know… Maybe a second read-through would change that.

Team Jacob, twilight

Love Jacob. Just a genuine and sweet guy…. BUT WTF WITH THE IMPRINTING???  Seriously, that is some creepy shit. But then again, if you want to fall for some miniature half-vampire named Renesmee, more power to you! I loved the Native American storytelling and the really rich backstory of his tribe and family. Though, to be frank, was a little pissed when they turned out to be shape-shifters (like Oprah if anyone is familiar with Kathleen Madigan’s comedy routine about Oprah)….it seemed like that development deserved to be more than a couple of paragraphs.

team-jacobSource

Movies? Maybe….not sure….that’s a lot of time to devote to watching Kristen Stewart not smile.

WRITTEN BY: KAREN

KarenWife, Mother, Navy Reserve officer, Iraq War veteran, small business owner, political junkie, golf FANATIC, and lover of crazy pants. How about you??

Current obsessions also include: Malbec, a flat stomach, Coldplay, the perfect pint, Hyde Park, Tiffany wedding bands, frequent flier miles, moving back to the Lowcountry and finally meeting all the peeps I text with face to face.

You would not know me from anything unless you confused me with Hillary Swank or my identical twin sister.

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