Anyway, let’s get to it:
Say it with me, so we can get it out of our systems: “WHERE THE EF IS FOUR?!?!?!”
Give us our Four and no one gets hurt (or trolled in this case), people!
Let’s go through the Insurgent teaster, teaser trailer by the numbers:
1 – shot of Four/Theo in a green henley looking like he’s bartending nights while not on set
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15 – times I thought Kate Winlset probably scared the shit out of Ansel Elgort on set to make him look like this:
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2 – times we see Peter aka Miles Teller hold a gun like he’s holding a smelly dead mouse
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5 times – I thought WTF is going on!!?? WHAT IS THAT?
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About a billion – times I got weirded out by how much Shailene looks like Justin Bieber with her growing out Hazel hair.
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0 – other times we saw Four/Theo in the teaser, teaser trailer
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BUT Theo did make an appearance on the Divergent Facebook wherein him, Shai and Ansel look like a page straight outta the Banana Republic spring 2015 catalog. “We have guns and we listen to Mumford and Sons and we’re super into urban farming and these new salmon colored chinos! Now tell us who plays the banjo and no one gets hurt!”
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This shot of Tris and Four looking like suburban, weekend warrior, motorcycle babes wherein Shai is trying desperately to convince Theo she is NOT, in fact, Justin Bieber in a push up bra.
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And then this one where Four and Tris look like badass disgruntled employees in a downtown high rise who are confronting their boss after trashing the employee lounge after finding out they don’t get Christmas Eve off. “WE’RE NOT TAKING YOUR SHIT ANYMORE!!!! And we’re wearing leather!!!!!! Ok…… can you take the handcuffs off yet, we’re just middle managers and we didn’t really think it would go this far, we just had a few too many margaritas at lunch and one thing led to another and poor Pam is cleaning up all that water from when we kicked over the water cooler. Really, we’re sorry.”
Soooo that’s what’s going on in the Insurgent / Divergent world! Make sure you stick around and tune in for the REAL trailer, which we’re told will drop Friday! Now chant with me… MORE FOUR… MORE FOUR… MORE FOUR!
