It’s been 16 years since the last episode of Seinfeld aired and I’m still OB-SESSED with the TV show. Like, watch multiple episodes EVERY day, quote Jerry and the gang, and find similarities between their crazy lives and my own. I even wait with bated breath for new episodes of Jerry’s web series Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. Cause who doesn’t want to be ensconced in velvet all the time?! SEE!!!
7 Seinfeld Life Lessons
1. Never Take Sexy Pictures
As if Jennifer Lawrence and all her friends aren’t enough of a cautionary tale… George Costanza learned that lesson LONG before them all. In an effort to impress the cute girl at the photo developing lab (remember when that was still a thing?) George enlists Kramer (who else?) to help him take a few sexy photos on a point and shoot camera in a boudoir shoot gone terribly wrong. Who wouldn’t be turned on by a furry, short, short man? Turns out George’s magic works on her male co-worker who is smitten after developing his film while the cute girl is on a lunch break. Just goes to show you those sexy pics will always end up in the wrong hands.
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2. 95% of the Population is Undatable
Whether they’re a low talker, a close talker, have man hands, a terrible laugh, or because your friend saw them naked, whatever it is there’s always SOMETHING that makes your girlfriend or boyfriend undateable… well, at least according to Jerry. I used to live by this rule and most anything would turn me off and render unsuspecting boys to the NO list. Time, experience and maturity and NOT LIVING IN A SITCOM has shown me that these quirks are what makes the world go ’round and usually end up making them an interesting person… BUT they’re true… 95% of the population are probably most definitely on my undateable list.
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3. A George Divided Against Itself Cannot Stand
Facing the impending collision of his relationship with his real life George freaks.
How can he be coffee shop George and movie George if his girlfriend infiltrates his real life? The merging of significant others and your real life is serious business, it is not a task easily done when you’re a neurotic weirdo like the Seinfeld gang. I’ve spent the last year trying to incorporate That’s Normal Nikki with Mean Girls Nikki and Independent Nikki with relationship Nikki and it’s been a fun and stretching adventure. I’ll take worlds colliding any day.
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4. Good Water Pressure is everything
This is a no-brainer. Having recently moved from a tall shower head with pressure like Niagra to a shower head that hits me about mid-neck, it’s essentially like waking up on the wrong side of the bed every day. Viva la shower pressure!
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5. I am not a Morning person
I am not and will never be a morning person, I’ve finally come to accept this and know that I will just never fully function before 9AM and stop trying to make me!!! (Someone please show me this if I ever have a child so we can laugh and laugh and laugh at me)
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6. Serenity Now!
As part of a blood pressure controlling exercise George’s dad Frank was told to say “Serenity Now” when he felt his blood pressure going up. If you know anything about Frank Costanza… you know nothing could ever be quiet or helpful in lowering blood pressure. Cue George adopting his father’s technique while working with his crazy rival Llyod Braun and you have your new life motto. SERENITY NOW!!!! Insanity later.
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7. Friends are everything
SPOILER ALERT: The series finale finds our four misanthropes locked up in jail together after being put on trial with all their misadventures, bad deeds and dumb ideas broadcast to the world. The crazy thing is, the prison cell becomes just another version of Jerry’s apartment because as long as you have your friends, the setting doesn’t matter, life is what you and your tribe make it.
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So why only seven life lessons? Because Seven is George’s super special baby name that gets stolen from him by a friend aka another life lesson: never tell anyone what you want to name your baby until it’s born, otherwise someone will steal it.
Please tell me someone else out there is super obsessed with this show like I am? Right now I’m using the Crackle app on my Blu Ray player to watch some more episodes in bed. What are your fave Seinfeld life lessons and moments?
PS Oh and Crackle time to get some new episodes. I’ve watched the same eight episodes for like three weeks now. SERENITY NOW!
