The first two minutes of recap and what’s to come already has me on edge. Scary things are ahead for a couple. I am a peace maker – I can handle conflict but one of the reasons I don’t watch reality tv is the made up drama and crazy conflict. I struggled with this recap, it took me three days to write. I have my knee jerk reactions to what comes out of these couples’ mouths but then I have to remind myself that I’m seeing 3 minutes of a 3-hour argument. Or things get taken out of context and then harped on. I’m not editing myself but rather taking into consideration what it would be like to have a camera crew with you 24×7 and prying on very private moments. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if these moments of my relationships were out there for everyone to critique and comment on. So I say to our couples: you know everyone is rooting for you! We want you to get around the bumps and hard times!
In this episode Monet and Vaughn spend some time with Roxanne, Vaughn’s mother. This dynamic is interesting. Jason gets real as he and Cortney address hard questions. Doug & Jamie don’t just hit a speed bump, they jump the curb and crash into the light pole and the lights have gone out on the entire block, metaphorically. I’m on pins and needles here people! I even asked the cast if they know what makes it into the episode before it airs. So far no one had responded. They might not be able to tell me, I get that. I just wonder if how they are portrayed is hard on them.
All three of our couples also get a visit from Dr. Cilona. Therapy sessions are hard, they are hard when you’ve only known the person for a month, they are impossible when they are being taped for the whole world to see.
We pick up with Jamie still trying to come to terms with some of the horrible pieces of her childhood. As we discussed last week, some of us are a little upset that Jamie is having to expose such raw crazy experiences. Many people empathize with her as there are MANY poverty stories to go around the table. The last six or seven years haven’t been good to a lot of people. I don’t know that I like making “good tv” out of someone’s poverty.
Jason & Cortney
Jason can tell something’s not right, since Dr. Pepper, Cortney has been a little more emotional, a little more concerned. She’s much more willing to open up about personal details than Jason. He even admits, he’s not ready to deal with the reality of it.
Monet & Vaughn
Monet has to have foot surgery! Outpatient – removing a screw. It’s great to have a hubby there to pick her up. Being single when it comes to the doctor is hard. Who is there for you? This is one of the hardest things when you’re single. Yes, you have friends, if you live close enough you have family, but often times, as a singleton, it’s just you.
Doug & Jamie
Pretty early on we get to the big bombshell with Doug and Jamie. After returning from upstate, Doug drops Jamie off at the front, and he goes to park the car. The effects of the trip home with Jamie are obviously affecting him, Doug has a cigarette before coming upstairs. Jamie says she can smell it, and asks him about it. He gets super defensive and denies it. While, yes, Jamie doesn’t want to be with someone who smokes, the bigger issue for her is lying about it, swearing on your mother’s life and the attempt to cover it up. Doug had quit cold turkey before the experiment.
It’s super hard to be objective especially when the couple you’re rooting for hits the bumps and now they are the ones dealing with the crazy editing. Was it really that big of deal for Jamie? I think so. I don’t think someone who has such trust issues can have anything but honesty. Even white lies do great damage.
Roxanne, Vaughn’s Mom
Vaughn’s mom comes to the house and spends some time with both of them, but Monet goes to brunch so Vaughn can have some time alone with her. Roxanne is smart: They’ll be happy once they understand each other.
I hear Monet say things and get upset at her and I hear Vaughn say things and get upset at him. I think because everyone is rooting for love to succeed it’s so hard when you see these very compatible people butt heads at every turn. It’s got to be exhausting! I understand where both of them are coming from, that they both have some wounded pride when it comes to doing nice things for each other. A person shouldn’t have to point out all the ways that they are a nice or good person, it should be evident in their actions. But if those actions are going unnoticed, you wonder if the other person notices them. In a relationship you should want to do nice little things for the other without recognition and without the need to get anything in return. But if you never feel it reciprocated, it’s harder to keep that up.
Vaughn has shared a lot with his mom about the arguments that he and Monet have. Sure Roxanne isn’t thrilled to hear they argue so much but she was fair and agrees it’s not just one sided. The conversation with Roxanne really rebooted how Monet could deal with Vaughn. Seriously an owner’s manual would be super helpful!
You’ don’t have to mean it, just do it.
Crazy statistic time
I don’t have a screen cap to go with this but WHAT?
This statistic about smoking and how smokers get divorced more than nonsmokers? I don’t know how that really works into it. Smokers are more anxious, paranoid? I’m not a smoker, but I don’t really know that this stat is true. Anyone?
Sticking Around 
During a relaxing pottery session Cortney and Jason get deep when they realize that going to the fire academy is going to totally affect their marriage and Jason is worried that Cortney won’t be able to handle it and won’t stick around.
Dr. Joseph Cilona
Dr. Cilona is a licensed clinical psychologist, personal and executive coach, author, and psychology expert for media and television. So he is the right person to delve deep into our couples therapy sessions.
Jason and Cortney both seem avoidant of each other and the major issues they both have. The fire academy is a big deal and will take up a lot of time. Jason’s worried that he’ll push Cortney away and in the end, she won’t stick around. Jason struggles with being vulnerable. Cortney is ready to make the right adjustments, knowing that it’ll take time. Dr. Cilona’s observation that the youngest couple seems to be handling this the most maturely. Each couple has homework, but Jason and Cortney are the only we see working on that. How to get tough conversations started.
I think Jason has some baggage that stays very hidden behind his strong exterior. I think we all share his own fear, that he’ll sabotage his own happiness because he refuses to let someone in.
With Doug and Jamie we know that this microsecond of their life is the complete focus right now and the source of the focused editing. While I do think it was a big deal for Jamie, I can’t help but wonder is it as bad as the show makes it out to be? Hopefully this therapy session will help. Doug’s natural reaction to cover it up and Jamie’s reaction to something seemingly so small may have set them back. Doug has those strong feelings, he was concerned about appearing weak and Jamie’s reaction took him off guard.
When you have trust issues, it’s hard to look past something that isn’t the true measure of a man. Hopefully Jamie will be able to move forward from this and realize that she isn’t stuck which some schmuck… Doug promises no secrets and being the best person he can be.
What is Civil?
I’ve been in a relationship where I felt I did a lot, but after breaking up, I realized “I would have done anything for this to work” and he “wouldn’t do anything to make this work.” They aren’t the same thing and when you get to that point in a relationship, is it one worth saving? With Monet and Vaughn, I’m not assigning one side to someone. I think there is some serious hurt here and neither know how to communicate what their needs are in order to get through this.
I agree with Monet’s assessment that civil means you no longer care and are coasting, just getting by. I think in a relationship you want to work, civil isn’t good enough. Vaughn wants to be taken care of, feels he’s done those little extras without Monet noticing. But Monet counters with “He’s never asked me what makes me happy. He only cares about what makes him happy.”
It’s difficult to be a voyeur on this therapy session because it’s hard and awkward. Their body language tells it all that they aren’t getting anywhere. Their homework is to write a letter apologizing, sincerely, to each other. You can tell immediately that right now neither of them are sorry for anything. I hope in a few days, they will be able to reflect maturely and figure out why this relationship is such an uphill battle.
We only have one more “Married” episode left before the finale where we find out if our couples stay together. So, who’s going to make it? Take our unscientific poll!
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CHECK OUT ALL OUR MARRIED AT FIRST SIGHT RECAPS HERE
Married at First Sight is on the FYI Channel, Tuesdays at 9 ET/ 10 PT
Screen Caps by Emily
