When season one of Black Sails ended earlier this year, I thought there was no way I could possibly have more unanswered questions for season two. And then, well, Starz released the first trailer for season two.
And I have more questions. Tons more questions.
So I got Nikki on the horn to break it all down, vanity-fair style. But first, WATCH ALL THE SWASH-BUCKLING GOODNESS.
We Know Nothing (wrong show)
Nikki: So I’ve watched it about 5 times. SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!
Beth: Yes, I feel like I need a quick reminder of the season finale.
Nikki: I had to go back and read a Wiki episode recap.
Beth: Yeah, I read a quick recap and I was like: I don’t remember the actual last scene. The Walrus got decimated right?
Nikki: there’s a question: WHO’S THE WALRUS?
Beth: JOHN IS THE WALRUS.
Nikki: You mean Gates? He looks like a walrus.
We Come Out Max-Sexual
Beth: Ok so my first question is: Why so little Max? We are all here for Max and she is barely in the trailer.
Nikki: RIGHT?
Beth: Everyone is Max-sexual
Nikki: EVERYONE. Who isn’t, really?
Beth: Only idiots. And these trailer makers. Because she is absent.
Nikki: Yea I rewatched to see her for a split second at the beginning. Too much hoity toity Eleanor.
Beth: Definitely. You can’t even tell who Max is doing it with in her 1.7 seconds of trailer screen time.
We Don’t Get Metal Hair Guys
Nikki: WHY is Eleanor DOING Bon Jovi?!?!?!
Beth: Like a lot. Vane and Eleanor look conjoined this season.
Nikki: Which …. EW? Why?
Beth: The only time they aren’t attached at the face is when Vane is kicking Axl Rose’s ass
Nikki: maybe she’s into that gravely-smoked 40packs in a wind tunnel sound?
Beth: She likes guys who only reach the level of her nipples?
Nikki: HAHAHA so short.
Beth: Hey Starz: Pocket Vane, only he’s the same size as actual Vane.
We Need Answers and Shirtless Billy
Nikki: So they make it seem like Flint and (long) John Silver team up against Vane?
Beth: That’s where I thought it was headed anyway. But it looks like to me everything is either on the sea (Silver and Flint) or on the island (Vane and Eleanor). Unless I missed something in quick flashes.
Nikki: Well Flint has to stick with John because he “knows” the schedule to the treasure, so I guess it’s a partnership out of necessity. Also, how much do we want to bet that John totally forgot the schedule already.
Beth: Long John has no clue.
Nikki: AND WHO IS FLINT?? Gates and Billy Bones were on to something.
Beth: Oh Flint is shady as hell. I thought he was a good guy until he snapped Bates’ neck. Pretty sure he threw Billy overboard.
Nikki: He’s the ultimate gray character. Like you know there are good things (at least they lead you to believe that in the flashbacks) but yet he does all these TERRIBLE things to his own crew. How he still has a crew is a miracle and a testament to his first men.
Beth: I like how they kind of punked us with him.
Nikki: TOTALLY.
Beth: But I do need to know who to root for. Right now I only root for Billy Bones being shirtless.
Nikki: You’re like WAIT WHAT JUST HAPPENED when he kills Billy.
Beth: Billy isn’t dead is he?!?!??
Nikki: WEELLLL they lead you to believe that because they threw him over but I said the second he went over OH HE’LL BE BACK!
Beth: Ok because I need him.
Nikki: He somehow got rescued and he’s coming back to tell everyone Flint threw him over.
Beth: He’s the only one tall enough to sustain my lust for an hour.
We Propose a Foursome
Nikki: I feel like I really like John and Max at this point
Beth: I like John and Max too. Because they are kind of the only interesting AND redeemable, likable ones right now.
Nikki: They just both seem like they’re holding on to the only cards they have and trying to stay alive and you want to root for them.
Beth: Yes, except for Anne and Rackham. Who are WHERE???
Nikki: THATS MY ONE BIG QUESTION AFTER THE TRAILER!!! Where are Rackham and Anne?!?!?!
Beth: They need to be kicking ass. And taking names. And having sex with Max.
Nikki: But if you’ve read up on pirates like I did after I started watching this, we know that Rackham at some point commands his own ship with Anne. So maybe that will come into play this season??? or Maybe they’re saving him for another season?
Beth: I’m down for that storyline.
Nikki: TOTALLY
Beth: Anne should be effing shizz up every episode.
Nikki: She’s so badass with that hat. And I’m also down for more of Rackham’s ridiculous “sunglasses.”
Beth: And his chinstrap creativity
Nikki: OMG his facial hair. UGH
Beth: It should be Max and Anne leading this whole thing.
Nikki: Hell yes.
Beth: And John and Rackham are their little lackeys.
Nikki: YEP.
Beth: And then they have foursomesssss.
Nikki: Best Show Ever. Hope you’re listening, Starz.
Beth: HELLO STARZ.
Nikki: Also, we’re totally available as extras and can fly to South Africa at a moments notice. You have our emails.
Beth: And video evidence that we’re down with weird accents.
Nikki: VERRA down.
We Write a Crossover
Beth: I still have no clue what season two is about but … I’m VERRA excited.
Nikki: ME TOO! Is it 2015 yet?
Beth: When in 2015 by the way?
Nikki: I have no idea.
Beth: To be honest, I could use a Black Sails/Outlander crossover ASAP.
Nikki: A very swashbuckling adventure wherein the ship gets lost and comes ashore in Scotland just in time for the Gathering. NEXT WEEK ON OUTLANDER.
Beth: Claire and Jamie take a ship to France at the mid season hiatus and end up in the Caribbean. Oh wait. That’s season 4.
Nikki: YES. But they come back.
Beth: But not until they have sex with Max first.
Nikki: In a VERRA special episode of Outlander meets Black Sails.
Beth: I’d watch it.
Want MORE, exclusive season 2 Black Sails info? We talked Season 2 with Luke Arnold, Jessica Parker Kennedy and Zack McGowan on the Starz red carpet at Comic-Con. Check out what they had to say here.
What did you think of the new trailer for Black Sails season 2? THEORIES ABOUT FLINT? Let’s hear them. Someone stalk Tom Hopper’s IMDB page and let me know if he’ll be around in season 2.
