I Like What I Like, Dangit!
I read my very first piece of smut at the age of ten when my Southern Baptist mother handed me a copy of The Wonderful Way That Babies Are Made.
As far as smut goes, it wasn’t exactly top notch. There were twenty pages of Bible verses and not the sexy Song of Solomon kind neither. There was one single page of the P in the V, but that was all I needed to send me on my way. In a matter of seconds I was enlightened. Now I understood why Kevin Bacon made me feel…things.
Yes, Amy. The man puts it in THERE. God made people so we could DO IT. DO IT with blankets covering our naughty bits as Jesus watched from above.
Since then I’ve gotten taller, and I’ve had over twenty years (okay, thirty) to ingest my fair share of dirty books. We all have our preferences. We all have our peccadilloes. We all lean a certain way.
I love Regency romances from Elizabeth Hoyt. I love dirty Victorians from Robin Schone. I love screwing in the old West from Susan Johnson. But there is one type of erotic fiction that really gets me flushed. I have my PhD in “no shame whatsoever.” I love MMF fiction.
What is MMF, you ask? MALE MALE FEMALE. As in ménage. As in three people navigating the world while trying to have sex together. But let me be very clear. There are different brands of ménage. There is MFF. MALE FEMALE FEMALE. If a dude is straight and wears Dockers to work, this is his number one fantasy.
Then there is MFM. This is MALE FEMALE MALE. If a dude is straight and owns at least one Morrissey album, this is his fantasy. He will have sex with a woman while another dude is there, BUT DON’T TOUCH ME, BRO!
MFF and MFM are meh to me. I need MMF. I need the dudes in the story to be both into the chick and into each other. The P can go in the V, as well as into his B.
Love knows no bounds in MMF. Nothing is taboo. The world is against your three-way love which makes it all the more compelling. I also really prefer what they call the permanent ménage, in which the threesome ends up having a happy ending. Hand jobs and the Ever After. Swoon. Here are some of my faves.
At Love’s Command by Samantha Kane
This MMF gem is part of the historic Brothers in Arms series. The men of this series all went off to fight in the Peninsular Wars, and handling all those long, hard canons gave them ideas. Ian Wintherspoon and Derek Knightly fought side by side on the Continent, comforting each other at night in the only way two dudes know how. No, not by playing “Call of Duty: Napoleon.” By having sex with each other! Ian eventually comes back to England and makes good on his long ago promise to marry the abused Sophia Middleton, but Derek is not happy.
Derek is my favorite kind of romance hero: bisexual and grumpy. Derek hates Sophia. He hates that she seems weak. He hates that Ian has let her into their bed. And one night, whilst Ian is away, Derek has a nightmare and scares poor Sophia half to death. How does Derek handle her fear? By having sex with her and falling in love with the lady who knows that some pushin’ between the sheets soothes a bad dream better than a glass of warm milk any day
Simply Sinful by Kate Pearce
Pearce’s House of Pleasure series centers on a Regency-era sex club. Filthy stuff happens to the haute ton in that place. Lots of licking and sucking and nobody seems to care who they are lapping up. Simply Sinful is the 2nd installment of the series and my favorite by far. As a kid, Peter Howard was kidnapped and sold into sexual slavery in a Turksih brothel. Not good. But because of that experience, he’s like Rob Base. He’s the one who knows about…things. Sexy things.
Peter has a boyfriend, James Meecham. James has a wife named Abigail. The trouble is that James scores about a 4.3 on the Kinsey scale.
More into dudes than dames, James can’t seem to satisfy his woman, and he needs Peter’s help in showing him where the clitoris is.
Abigail just wants to get off so she’s all in. Peter ties her up. Peter buys her fancy jade phalluses, and he doesn’t get them for decoration. But you know what happens when you go all in? You fall in love with your husband’s bi lover. As you should.
Rough, Raw, and Ready by Lorelei James
I’m really big into conservation. Reduce, reuse, recycle. Don’t be wasteful. Save a horse, ride a cowboy. James writes seriously hot modern Western romances. Lots of MMF going on after the rodeo. I mean, when everyone is dusty and hung like the barrels they race, can you blame them?
Rough, Raw, and Ready had me hooked from the moment I saw the Oxford comma in the title. The 5th book of the Rough Riders series, this novel is all about tying up loose ends. The loose end just happens to be Edgard Mancuso, returning to Wyoming from Brazil to find out if there is anything left between him and his lover, Trevor Glanzer. Trevor has left the rodeo circuit to run a ranch with his new wife, Chassie. Trevor loves Chassie and thought he was over Edgard, but when Edgard looks like this? You in danger, girl.
There is a lot of boning in the Glanzer barn. One of my favorite scenes was when Trevor is called away and Chassie and Edgard are alone and forced to resolve their conflicted feelings for each other. Do they call in an independent mediator? Nah. They just bang it out against the wall. Yesssssss.
Make Me by Charlotte Stein
I just read this one on vacation. Family vacation. Sitting on the beach next to my mother. I had to go into the Atlantic Ocean to cool off A LOT.
Make Me is a novella, around 100 pages, and it’s dirrrrrty from go. The premise is that Maisie comes to visit her friends Brandon and Tyler’s new bar. Oh, by the way, in college years prior, they all had an amazing three-way one night in lieu of studying. Now that Maisie is back, Tyler gets the gang back together. Tyler likes dirty talk. Brandon likes being told where to put his junk. Maisie can’t decide if she’s mortified or a future investor in the company that makes lube. I hear Astroglide is listed on the NASDAQ.
JA-MMF: Y’all Know You Want It
So I can’t talk about this topic without at least mentioning my ultimate fantasy MMF. Look at that acronym! It’s right there, Diana Gabaldon! You can’t deny it! jaMMF! I want Jamie to Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser someone with Claire.
SPOILER ALERTS AHEAD FOR ECHO. DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200
And not just anyone. He needs to love up on Lord John Grey. I have yet to read MOBY, so when I last left Jamie, he was just finding out that dear John had carnal knowledge of his wife. That has to piss Jamie off. Get mad at them, Jamie. Have some verra angry relations with both of them to get over it. We know you’re gun-shy about the peen. But LJG is a gentle dude. Claire has some herbs to help ease your nerves.
A little math formula for you:
+
*This is how I envision LJG. I will not be swayed.
=
One words: Yesssssssss.
So have ya’ll read some MMF fiction? What did you think? And if not, are you ready to go all in? Is someone willing to secretly write some jaMMF fanfiction and slip it into my Dropbix account? Please?
