Will Rob Pattinson be the next Indiana Jones?

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If you haven’t heard, there’s a rumor that Rob Pattinson is to be the next Indiana Jones.

channing tatum laugh

Not sure why you’re laughing, Channing Tatum, as the rumor that you might be the next Indy is almost as laughable.

I brought this news to a few fans of Rob Pattinson’s face work to see what they thought. The general consensus was:

hell to the no gif

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Rob Pattinson could not handle action. Natasha said,

I’ve seen quite a few of my guy friends talking about it on Facebook and the general consensus is that they’d rather see the franchise die than have Rob as Indy. Because pretty much all they can latch on to is that he’s a Sparkly Vampire Hufflepuff.  Though I have to agree, Ford’s shoes are too big to fill by someone like Rob.

and Beth added,

The problem with Rob doing Indy is not so much that he’s an action star (although that’s problematic because he is the opposite of athletic) Do we remember how he runs?

robert-pattinson-workout

but that it’s also COMEDY. And no.

With the mere mention of Rob Pattinson + Comedy, Jamie reached into her gif fault & produced the one time that Rob engaged in some comedy. This was the result:

Jacob-the-Clown-3-water-for-elephants-27210718-245-210 Jacob-the-Clown-3-water-for-elephants-27210721-245-210

I believe I’ve completely blocked that awkward Water for Elephants moment out of my brain. Rob Pattinson is unintentionally funny. He does not and should not do anything where he has to act funny.

After deciding that Rob Pattinson would, in fact, make a terrible Indy, we did what any normal group of friends would do, and we named the Rob Pattinson Indiana Jones Movies:

  • Indiana Jones and the Dumpster Dive of Doom
  • Indiana Jones and the raiders of the local thrift store
  • Indiana Jones and the Whip Won’t Work Right
  • Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Weed Drawer

Somehow the “Jones” changed to “Rob” and we got our best ideas:

  • Indiana Rob and the Last Hot Pocket
  • Indiana Rob and the Raiders of the Hamper for 2nd Day Underwear
  • Indiana Rob and the Kingdom of TwiMoms
  • Indy Rob and the Temple of Cronenberg
  • Indiana Rob and the Kingdom of the Kristen Stew
  • Indiana Rob and the Raiders of Fanfic

 Then Elise reminded us of that one time Rob Pattinson got adventurous:

rob pattinson alligator

And that shut down the entire conversation. We don’t want Rob in a weird hat. We don’t want Rob with a creature of the marsh. Just say NO to Rob as Indiana Jones!

indiana jones rob pattinson NO

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What do you think? Is Rob Pattinson the next Indy in your heart?

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Bekah’s Current Obsessions: Tacos. Cats. Running her business(es). Her niece and nephews. Sometimes she tweets at @bekahbuttons. (But she usually doesn't.)

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