Hey guys, remember when I posted about Rob on his birthday and how we hadn’t kept up with his recent antics? Well, he must have read that post because he’s out and at it again, this time talking to The Hollywood Reporter about everrrryyyyttthing. Since Bekah is in transit to BEA, I roped in TN pal and co-owner of Fangirlish, Elena to break it down… cause really, we’ve been missing Rob… more than we’d like the general internet to know.
The 5 Important Things I Learned From The Hollywood Reporter
The One with the Hermit Millionaire and that one girl
Nikki: do you really think rob is a millionaire hermit who sleeps on 3 air mattresses in a home in coldwater canyon?
Elena: Maybe? Kinda seems like something he’d do. Maybe Stew broke his heart now that she’s a lesbian and he’s trying to figure out the meaning of his life
You know she’s lesbian now right? (ALLEGEDLY!)
Nikki: has she come out?! and DUDE what a ruthless thing to do to him. I mean i GUESS if you’re still discovering yourself…but come on
Elena: nah. shes’ still in the closet as far as I know but some people are figuring it out.
And from what I hear, she’s pretty into it.
Nikki: OMG of course she is. i mean didn’t we always KNOW??? (ALLEGEDLY!)
Elena: yes, I think we always kind of had an after thought in the back of our minds that she was probably bi curious, you know?
Nikki: do you think the Robsten-truthers would still be convinced it’s all a PR ploy?
Elena: I think Robsteners will always fight any story that keeps them apart. I miss them together but they’re done. It’s not going to to happen.
Nikki: I kind feel like the ones who are left are going to go to their graves thinking they’re an item forever like paul newman and joanne woodward
Elena: She’ll be outed eventually. That it’s been kept a secret this long is a mystery to me.
Nikki: maybe they’ll eventually be “together” when rob donates his sperm to kstew and her lady so they can have kids. Like a Melissa Ethridge/David Crosby kinda thing
Elena: Yeah, he’d probably do that. In a show of solidarity.
Nikki: i like that they still talk. and clearly still have joint custody of those dogs
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The One Where Rob’s Just Like US
Elena: I haven’t read the interview yet. Give me some important bullet point notes on it.
Nikki: ok can do. we’ll come back to the FREAKING HOT pics later
1. he drove a rented toyota camry in 2012
Elena: of course he did. bless.
Nikki: he now drives a ’89 bmw. rob – he’s just like us ONE OF THE PEOPLE. The second thing I learned…
2. so of course they talk about how rob’s work beyond twilight has been spotty successfully – bel ami ( aka greasy rob), cosmopolis and remember me (9/11 rob). but really is it fair to hold ANY movie to the standards of success of twilight?!
Elena: No. No, it isn’t.
Nikki: thats like saying every YA novel to movie is going to be twlight siccessful – it’s not we DEEEFFFS know that
Elena: obvs
Nikki: 3. he HATES auditioning (said every actor ever) but somehow landed the role in Rover do you know what Rover is about? i still dont
Elena: oh, i want to talk about that.
Nikki: go!
Elena: I’ve heard he got decent reviews for Rover… I watched a trailer or a clip or something and his accent was horrendous. Have you heard it? Like, I was embarrassed.
Nikki: oh god, does he do an Australian accent? no i havent seen anything other than some pics of him looking AWFUL
Elena: No I think it’s southern. If it’s australian, it’s even worse. Whatever it is, I didn’t love it.
Nikki: OHHHH
Elena: It could have just been the clip I saw.
Nikki: HAHAHAHA now i have to watch it. i just know he’s a gangster??? which is super laughable anyway
Elena: he is? I don’t know anything about this movie except that I want to stalk the premiere and am fully prepared to do that shamelessly.
Nikki: totally. like 2008 twilight loving maybe our initial flame has been reignited?!
Elena: Don’t laugh but I’m kind of excited to fangirl it up. I’m just not going to talk about it on my socials hahahaha
Nikki: maybe we just like the idea of not having to put on a dress and hang out with old dudes with tv cameras for like 6 hours in heels? right?! no social shaming!
Nikki: i have to admit, I’ve missed Rob. I think I finally noticed it when I did that birthday post a few weeks back and figured out i didn’t know ANYTHING about him anymore.
Elena: I miss Rob too. I didn’t notice till today when this THR thing came out and I wanted to drive to the nearest newstand and grab 5 copies of it.
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(DEAD)
The One with a Higher Power & Katy Perry’s Boobs
Nikki: well maybe you should meditate like rob does now. i learned that in this post as well
Elena: shut up. he does?
Nikki: 4. someone gave him a MEDITATION AUDIOBOOK. i mean do we REALLY think he does? or is it more like he zones out while listening to pan flutes and native american drums
Elena: what. no. an audiobook? When did rob become so LA?
Nikki: RIGHT?!?! next they’re going to tell us he’s a gluten free vegan who dabbles in scientology
maybe we’ll see him on a mat next to us at yoga?!
Elena: yeah. or at soul cycle.
Nikki: i guess having your GF cheat on you in a VERY public way and then turn lesbian would make most people look for a higher power?? and his higher power is DEFS at soul cycle… the one next to the in n out
Elena: well when you put it that way…
Nikki: or the one near katy perry’s boobs
Elena: Yeah, I’m waiting for that to happen. He and Katy, that is.
Nikki: dude that HAS to be happening, right?! #dozboobstho
Elena: I’d be willing to be it’s already happened. #ThatKaraokeVidTho
Nikki: RIGHT?! #allthesexualtensions
Elena: He’s def tapped that.
Nikki: 100% ewwwww john mayer germs
Elena: RUSSELL BRAND GERMS
Nikki: HAHAHHA at least it’s british though.
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The One With Bella Sturridge
Nikki: last best thing i learned from this post that you need to know:
5. in rob’s audition tape for Twilight, TOM STURRIDGE played BELLA
BOOM
Elena: stahhhhhhp. How has this been kept a secret all this time?!
Nikki: i cant even with the thoughts of how that went down. WHERE ARE THE TAPES?!?!? Forget that Cathy Hardi audition tape with Stew, we want the REAL BELLA.
Elena: Also, I just realized I miss TomStu And his baby with tons of hair. Are there any pics of the lately? *googles*
the answer is yes!
Nikki: THANKS GOOGLE. OMG SO CUTE! and the dogs! Move over KStew there;s a new #domesticStu in town
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The One Where We Sing On the Internet
Elena: yeah anyway, I need to read this full Rob interview but it sounds like I don’t even know him anymore and that gives me the sadz. But we’ll get reacquainted when I stalk to Rover premiere.
Nikki: definitely. true love never dies
#forever remember?!
Elena: #forever
Nikki: why aren’t we drinking all the booze i’m packing up right now while chatting about this?
Elena: *sings* I have died every day waiting for you….
Nikki: darling don’t be afraid i have loved you….
for a thouuuuusand years….
Elena: I’ll love you for a thousand morrrrreeeee
Nikki: * fade to sad *
Elena: :,(
The Rover is out in NY and LA on June 12th.
Will you be seeing Rob in The Rover? Do you miss him… even a little?
