So, I decided to imagine it. Along with Beth, also coupled since back when dinosaurs roamed the earth (we mean when we still had active MySpace accounts), we come up with some important questions for:
Dating in the Digital Age
I mean, it’s okay to become “Facebook official” after he texts the 2nd time, right?
But when is it appropriate to friend request his mom? After the first sexual encounter? Too soon?
And after he tells you about his bff on the first date, is it okay to ask questions like “How did he fare with the girl you guys met on your scuba trip in 2010? I saw the Facebook pictures & it looked like they hit it off. Did they date long?”
How long should you wait before sending your first sexy snapchats? Can you send them from the restaurant bathroom on the first date?
Do people even talk on the phones anymore?
Then there’s Facetime (which Nikki tells me has replaced the phone for dating, so that answers the above question) Okay.. what are the Facetime rules? Do you have to brush your teeth? Do you wear a bra? And if he notices you don’t have on a bra, and things get… err steamy, what’s what happens next called? Is “Cybering” still a thing? Or is it called “Face-sex?” or “Facing?” Do you say:
Is that what they’re talking about in porn when they ask for a “Facial?” The girl just wants to do a striptease over Facetime?
Does any girl really ask to see a #realquickdickpic or is that just something we made up for Beth/Jamie/Bekah/Nikki/Elise TN group text LOLs?
What’s the protocol on LOL? Is it cool to say? Can you for SURE tell the age of the guy who uses it? In my mind LOL is definitely used by guys over 35, and probably also for guys under 22 but #sarcastically.
What about Emojis? Do guys get it when you send a panda that obviously you mean “sad panda?” Is any male as upset about the fact that a taco emoji doesn’t exist as you are? Will they get the euphemism of the eggplant?
Would anyone actually want to date me in 2014 if they learned how many hashtags & abbrevs I used IRL?
What happens if you accidentally like his sister’s Facebook photo of her son’s 3rd birthday (and you’re not Facebook friends) Do you unlike it really quick? Just pretend it never happened? Cancel your Facebook account?
Tinder: Do you HAVE to have sex on the first date? Is it basically just assumed?
Is it okay to pack some of his favorite things in your bag on your first sleepover? Favorite Coffee, Candy bar, maybe a gift certificate to Men’s Shave Club? It’s too soon for you to know all that about him, but it’s obvious what he’s into looking at his Facebook likes.
The last few hours of your work day before the first date, it’s totally cool if you listen to every band he’s been listening to all day on Spotify right? You need something to discuss over drinks!
If you’re living in Europe and communicating on the euro-favorite “What’s App,” how long is too long for one person to be “online” (yes, you can see it) without messaging you back before you can get pissed/anxious/nervous that he’s just not into you anymore? 10 minutes? Too long? 3?
On Snapchat, what’s the appropriate amount of time for the first sexy cleavage shot. Do you let it ride a full 10 seconds? Or take off the whole bra and go just 1 second?
What’s the protocol on screen-shots on a snapchat? Obviously #realquickdickpics are just for you, but what if he’s not on Instagram and his last snapchat selfie was too cute to not screen shot and immediately send to all your girls? WHAT’S A GIRL TO DO?
No seriously, dating in the digital age has given me SO many questions about rules I know nothing about. What am I missing- and do you think I’d be the biggest internet dating stalker EVER if I was single right now (answer: yes)
