Lorena: When he says “a suit bespoke and razor sharp, like your wit.” I die. Like, my heart flutters and then fails. Also, when the growl of the engine happens, I cannot. His little twitch smile there? I just cannot.
Jamie: Most definitely. Cheeky Tom is the best Tom.
Jamie: It’s surprising to absolutely zero people the entire world that Tom listens to Shakespeare in the car. And OF COURSE at the end, while making his suave getaway, recites the monologue from where it left off.
Lorena: Precisely! He’s like, “Richard II? No big deal. This is high school level for me.” I also love the pan out to aerial of London and I’m just like, “The Shard is watching you! It is always watching you.” Oh man. London will never be the same for me now that there is The Shard.
Jamie: I’m now picturing him in a modern AU version of Shakespeare, a la Joss Whedon’s recent “Much Ado About Nothing,” but darker and grittier. Especially after seeing him in “Coriolanus.” Although I do love the fun sing-y/dance-yness of him in “Cymbeline”:
Basically, he just needs to be in a lot of things that I can watch, Shakespeare or not.
Sub-Level 2?
Jamie: This shady deal is going down on Sub Level 2? Are there even negative numbers on an elevator? I’ve certainly never seen any.
Lorena: Of course there are! What kind of cop dramas are you watching? Why wouldn’t something below ground level be negative? It makes perfect sense to me. I mean, until he pulls out and it appears to be only one level down. But, you know, attention to detail (ahem).
Jamie: I confess that I’m not a fan of cop dramas, so maybe this is commonplace and I just haven’t seen it all that often. I get that it’s below ground level, but if anyone can just walk into the elevator and hit the button, it doesn’t seem very secure for a super secret rendezvous. Aren’t the floors like that usually restricted to employees or something? Is that how the guys with the bag got in the building? Did they disguise themselves as night janitors? Is this an Ocean’s 11 type situation?! I’m gonna go with that, it’s the most fun.
Jamie: What are our guesses as to what’s in the bag? Rare copies of Shakespeare probably. Also, don’t they usually do these things with industrial looking briefcases? That looks like a weekender bag that costs $29.99 from Target. Unimpressed.
Lorena: Right, the titanium briefcase! Yeah… maybe this is the new Villain, available exclusively from Target’s Merona collection. I looked at Burberry’s website to find this bag, even though it’s not their style AT ALL, I thought Surely it’d be a British brand. Anyway, no. But they do have this canvas sack that looks like you’d haul coffee beans in it. A steal at $650! (WTF?!)
Jamie: Wow, that is most definitely not ridiculously priced at all. What a reasonable amount of money for literally two pieces of fabric and a draw string! They also have baby stuff. Why didn’t I order something for my niece from there?! She could’ve had explosive diarrhea all over an $85 onesie.
Jamie: I don’t understand how some sparks and an aggressive sprinkler cause that car to spin out of control.
Lorena: Well, the sparks caused the sprinkler to go off, but the slick sub-2 level surface is nothing for a Carerra. Guess they should’ve been using Goodyear All Weather tires?
Jamie: I know absolutely nothing about cars. When people ask me what kind of car I have, my first instinct is always to say, “Red.” So I’m going to assume you’re correct about everything you just said. During this part I was mostly admiring Tom’s pocket square. Dapper as hell.
How the Tiny Switch Changes Everything
Jamie: How does that “tiny switch” change everything? I don’t know a lot about cars, but it looks like all it did was turn that light on the dashboard on. Is it the “Vroom-y Noise” button?
Lorena: Laughs out loud. OMG that is my favorite part. However finger switch ignition and shift is not a new thing for cars. Maybe it is for Jaguar? Who knows. I know this is too much for your chaste ears, but I immediately thought that by “switch” he meant “clitoris”. Tom’s deft finger on a tiny switch? It changes everything.
Jamie: I HADN’T EVEN THOUGHT OF THAT. And now I’ll never be able to watch it the same way again. Somebody knew what they were doing there for sure. And I will have you know that I am not chaste! I’ve seen several shirtless men in my lifetime. 
Driving on the right feels so wrong
Jamie: It looks like the steering wheel is on the American side of the car, but then he drives on the English side of the road? The “Can’t Handle Driving in a Light Mist” guy seemed to be in the English side of the car. Confusion.
Lorena: The description explains it’s a European model. Why they made that choice, no idea. Maybe they don’t sell white version in the UK and they wanted the white vs. black imagery. Except luxury vehicles are ANY COLOR YOU BLOODY WANT. It begs to question where they actually shot this…
Jamie: Yeah, a white car doesn’t seem like the best choice for a car that’s being used for a clandestine get away at night time. It’s one of the worst colors you could pick, actually. If “world domination starts with attention to detail,” Villain Tom is totally blowing this part. Next time, a little less Shakespeare soliloquizing, and a little more choosing a car color that isn’t going to take 0.2 seconds to find against a dark backdrop.
What do you think is in Tom’s bag? How many times have you watched this commercial? Less than us, we’re sure. It’s good stuff, right?!
