I have enough issues looking at the magnifying mirror in hotel rooms. If left unchecked, I could fall into a never-ending plucking and pore minimizing frenzy. Add a boyfriend that can see more than the magnifying mirror? My skin would never recover.
Surely there are many benefits to having a supernatural boyfriend to outweigh my weird supernatural boyfriend can hear me potty fears, right?
- Stamina
- Protection from imaginary enemies
- Sexual Napalm
- Can hold your hair and run to the 24-hour pharmacy before you can stumble back to bed when sick
- Cool party tricks
- Fulfills bad boy fantasies
- Otherworldly undying love
- Bedtime temperature regulation (like a cool pillow, flip him over for the cool side – or for those always cold, go for the wolfy kind of heat)
And while having that “forever” kind of love is appealing in these men are cheating dogs kind of days, does that outweigh the he may sniff your crotch occasionally like your neighbor’s dog? Perhaps having a supernatural boyfriend isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.
- No politely excusing yourself to toot in the other room. He can hear and worse, smell it
- No bathroom privacy
- Can sense you are PMSing before you even know it and use it against you
- If he can hear your heartbeat from across the room, he can also hear all of your digestion
- Always beats you at Sports/Board Games/Cards/Video Games
- Know-it-all at Jeopardy (Although, you could totally use the “I’ll take Jackasses for 500, Alex” quip on the regular)
- Bossy (being 300 years old makes some people think they know what’s best, Pfft, men)
Perhaps the Breaking Dawn spoof, Breaking Wind really put it best.
Boogers and bathroom blow ups. That’s what happens with your supernatural lover.
In this hypothetical scenario with your imaginary supernatural lover, could you get past his supernatural senses?
