Game of Thrones Season 4 Predictions: All Joffrey’s Must Die!

*SPOILER ALERT. If you haven’t seen all of the current Game of Thrones seasons on TV, the previews for this season or maybe even read some of the books you might be spoiled.*

When we last left Westeros shit had gone so far south we were almost in Dorne and the Summer Isles. (HAHAHAH GoT jokes). But really it’s not looking good for anyone… well maybe it’s looking good for us since we got full butt shots of Jaime and Jon last season, but really it’s not looking good for anyone ON the show.

Since we have so many Thrones fans and viewers here at That’s Normal, we got together and made our predictions for Game of Thrones Season 4 which begins airing THIS SUNDAY!!! PRAISE THE GODS!

Predictions

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Nikki: It’s hard to write this when I’m half way through the fourth book and have read all of this season’s story line already (is that a humble brag?) but maybe they’ll surprise me and throw in a Talisa getting stabbed in the pregnant stomach moment or four this season. Who knows! The only thing we know for sure is: Sersei will continue to be the mom no one wants to call on holidays, Stannis’s hairline will wander back and forth between mid forehead and top of the head sprout, Stannis’s lizard skinned daughter will continue to make Davos feels ALL the feels (us too. SH!), Jon will recount his 1.5 times having sex to the boys on the wall like some high school lad in the locker room, Tyrion will still wonder if the stork left him on the doorstep of the wrong castle, Robb will still be dead (all the tears still), hopefully some kind Maester somewhere takes Arya in and find a therapy program for traumatized children she can attend, aaaannndddd fingers crossed Joffrey will shoot himself in the face with his own crossbow. UGH.

 

Beth: I’ve only read through a Storm of Swords, so I know some of what will happen, but since they are combining the last three books, some of it I don’t know at all. My predictions are spoiler-free.

1. I think Arya will flounder around the riverlands for awhile, meeting small dangers while she’s trying to get to Braavos.
2. Jaime will be the hottest he’s ever been because he’s getting some AND he’s all honorable now. It will be a combustible combination.
3. Jon will eventually take charge of the entire Night Watch, take place in at least two battles on the wall, and eventually declare his undying devotion to Ghost.
4. Dany’s delusions of grandeur will HAVE to be silenced in some way. Mutiny maybe from all those freed slaves? Political unrest in all those free cities she left behind? Somehow she needs to be taken down a peg, dragons or not.
5. The Martells become the “less of hot version” of the Lannisters.
6. OH CRAP, Littlefinger is going to the Eyrie isn’t he? Ugh, we have to deal with Lyssa. GUH ROCE.
7. I will continue to take nachos breaks every time Bran and Jojen come on screen. *yawn*

 

Lorena: I haven’t read any of the books, so I’m legit in the cold here… my predictions are:

1. Jamie will not be able to re-integrate into his family and will spend way too much time with Brienne. Which I’m fine with because she’s epic. He and Tyrion will begin to form a true brotherly bond.
2. One of the dragons will get injured and almost die, derailing Khaleesi’s seemingly immediate eastern realm takeover. #Myhsa!
3. Ser Jorah will die. I will cry if this occurs, but I just feel like it’s going to happen.

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4. Jon Snow will wish (again) he’d never met Ygritte
5. Bran’s story will continue to have no real relevance (he’s a final season function, I think)
6. The Hound and Arya will become an unstoppable duo of murderous rage until she needs her face shape friend again and they have to take a trip east… dragons and dire wolves can be friends, right? They can in my world.

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1. I still will give zero craps about the Greyjoy storyline. Cut off his head already so I don’t have to hear him or watch any scenes of his dickhead dad. #Kaythanksbye
2. Sansa’s marriage with Tyrion will get in the way of her friendship with Margery and Little Finger won’t know what to do.
3. Cersei will continue to be the most annoying character on the show once Greyjoys are all dead and Jamie will refuse to speak to her.
4. Jamie will almost kill his son (Joffrey) but then Brianna will stop him. The world will collectively groan louder than any noise ever heard.
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Who’s Head Would You Like To See Roll? (RIP NED!)

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Nikki: Let’s go with the people’s choice here and say King Dickhead himself: JOFFREY! He is that nasty, misbehaved child who’s parents are too stupid or too embarrassed to take control, that’s turned into an adult. Gods help us all.

Beth: This is unpopular, but Stannis. So sick of his self-righteousness and vacillation. MAKE A CHOICE, ffs.

 

If you could kill King Joffrey, how would you do it?

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Nikki: I’d gather all the people’s he’s opening terrorized: Sansa, Tyrion, Arya, The North, The Hound etc and let them figure out how they want to get rid of him. JUSTICE!

Lorena: I would make it clean, quick and private. No one needs to benefit from Joffrey in any way. No time should be wasted on it. The quicker he dies, the quicker his reign of terror is over and the least amount of chance for “sudden recovery”. No one needs that plot twist.

Beth: This is fairly sadistic of me, but slowly, horrifically and with as much humiliation as possible. Maybe infusing him with some sort of digestive plague where his entrails slowly liquify, burn and then seep out of his orifices? Sounds right.

 

Boobs to Penis Ratio in First Episode

Nikki: If Podrick is involved there will be at least four or five sated ladies and only one Podrick and his peen.
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Beth: There are always two boobs for every penis shown. This does not help the odds. And so far we’ve seen whose? Hodor’s and Theon’s???? I’d rather go with nunzo, thanks for nothing, HBO.

 

Estimated Head Count in Season 4

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Nikki: Who knows, but HBO needs to install a head counter in the lower corner of each episode just so we know where we stand and how many new characters we can look forward to next season.

Beth: If we are talking recognizable characters with names, I’m going to stop at a baker’s dozen.

Game of Thrones Season 4 begins this Sunday, April 6 on HBO. Will you be watching? Make your predictions in the comments.