vagina-vitamin-d

Confession: I gave my vagina some Vitamin D

in on by 7 Comments

I am not getting any younger. This can be proven by my obsession with YA books and movies. It’s that obsession that led to everyone’s favorite moon goddess Shailene Woodley being a part of my life.

Now I can get down with some of her shizz – drinking the dirt tea and shopping at the farmer’s market. But this whole eating clay thing she talks about? I’m not about to chance thousands of dollars worth of dental work on the off chance that I chip a tooth on the inevitable rock that is going to be in that clay. I read up on all of Shai’s words of wisdom, and I found the one that will cost me no money: Vaginal Vitamin D Rejuvenation.

vaginal vitamin D

Source

So I did what any normal person would do, and I marched my happy butt outside and stripped off my pants. I got waxed yesterday, so I knew that my vagina needed some TLC. I read all about what Shailene Woodley said to Into the Gloss you know! #Truefan.

Another thing I like to do is give my vagina a little vitamin D. I was reading an article written by an herbalist I studied about yeast infections and other genital issues. She said there’s nothing better than vitamin D,” she said, “ “If you’re feeling depleted, go in the sun for an hour and see how much energy you get. Or, if you live in a place that has heavy winters, when the sun finally comes out, spread your legs and get some sunshine.

I figured, I’ve met her and she’s the happiest person I have ever met. So she’s gotta be doing something right, right? So I laid back in my lawn chair and propped my legs up on the wall….

And I waited.

woman_legs_in_air_pic_dec06

Source

I waited so long I fell asleep.

I’m not sure what energy I was hoping to harness through my vagina, but I once again reverted to thinking, “If it’s good enough for Shailene, it’s good enough for me.”

So I waited for about twenty minutes more.

Guys – you can’t really feel a sunburn when you are out in the sun. I think that sunscreen might be an intrical part of this Vagina Vitamin D regamine.

And as for the energy she claimed you get? I’ll tell you if that happens when my hoo-haa stops looking like a cherry tomato, and I can walk and put on pants again. I think my vagina now hates me.

Divergent hits theaters March 21st.

Catch all our Divergent Coverage >>

Latest Posts