Now I can get down with some of her shizz – drinking the dirt tea and shopping at the farmer’s market. But this whole eating clay thing she talks about? I’m not about to chance thousands of dollars worth of dental work on the off chance that I chip a tooth on the inevitable rock that is going to be in that clay. I read up on all of Shai’s words of wisdom, and I found the one that will cost me no money: Vaginal Vitamin D Rejuvenation.
So I did what any normal person would do, and I marched my happy butt outside and stripped off my pants. I got waxed yesterday, so I knew that my vagina needed some TLC. I read all about what Shailene Woodley said to Into the Gloss you know! #Truefan.
I figured, I’ve met her and she’s the happiest person I have ever met. So she’s gotta be doing something right, right? So I laid back in my lawn chair and propped my legs up on the wall….
And I waited.
I waited so long I fell asleep.
I’m not sure what energy I was hoping to harness through my vagina, but I once again reverted to thinking, “If it’s good enough for Shailene, it’s good enough for me.”
So I waited for about twenty minutes more.
Guys – you can’t really feel a sunburn when you are out in the sun. I think that sunscreen might be an intrical part of this Vagina Vitamin D regamine.
And as for the energy she claimed you get? I’ll tell you if that happens when my hoo-haa stops looking like a cherry tomato, and I can walk and put on pants again. I think my vagina now hates me.
