These are my stories … Dun Dun (<–Law and Order sound)
Tinder
Allows me to quickly judge a book by its cover (or facebook profile pic) and it also uses facebook to let you know if you are linked to each other by means of mutual facebook friends.
Experience: After flipping through people who live within 50 miles of my current location I come across someone who is a little younger but not all that unattractive. I click on the pic and quickly realize by the people he is associated with that I used to baby sit him.
Conclusion: Immediately delete account, consider giving up on life.
They even remind people not to be married if they are going to sign up!
Christian Café:
A less popular version of Christian Mingle (but not cheaper)
Experience: This site might as well have a geocities web address because the layout is super outdated. After nearly a week on this site I’ve had strong interest from quite a few ASL gentlemen from Africa and Indonesia who swear that they “aren’t looking for a green card or a visa.” There is a super-hot guy who is a “musician” that I haven’t had the courage to “wink” at yet but I am pretty sure he’s a catfish.
Conclusion: I may be visiting Africa soon.
christian-mingle
Christian Mingle:
Finding God’s perfect mate for me is not easier this way.
Experience: Last night I got an email from a guy who told me he was a little out of my desired age range but is exactly what I described in what I desired in a companion. He asked that I would pray and see if he was the one for me. At first I was like okay I could handle a guy who was in his 40s if he looked like this:
This man is 41 and I am 100% okay with that
But this guy said he was 43 and when I looked at his profile picture he looked like this.
Not the actual person who contacted me but might as well have been.
In his email he also let me know that I shouldn’t worry about his sexual purity because he has saved himself for marriage…. I am pretty sure he is lying about his age because dude looks ollllldddd but maybe he has had one rough virginal life.
Conclusion: Consider borrowing a popular fanfiction story line and tell him that The way I paid my way through college was by means of being an escort see if he is still interested then. If he is, change my name and go all Nic Cage and John Travolta and do a complete Face Off.
Match.com:
Most popular site out there, lots of my friends have had successful relationships.
Experience: Hey match.com people. If I say my desired age range is 27-37 and its important that he be 6ft plus, stop sending guys my way who are 44 and 5ft 7. I don’t care if he has a charming personality. I already had to stand in the back of every school picture because I am the tallest one in class I don’t want to stand in the back anymore! Also no I don’t want to meet up with said short old dude for sex… just yuck.
Conclusion: delete account.. delete every bit of information on me on the internet, get rid of my phone, my computer and ipad… burn it all… BURN IT ALL DOWN!!!
Eharmony:
Love is blind… until you pay up! 29 Dimensions of compatibility is getting me no where!
Experience: So this one pretty much sucks because unless you pay to be a member you can’t browse through pictures. Eharmony does pretty much the same thing Match does, by matching me with people who may have great personalities and I might be compatible with, but who are nothing like I asked for. I mean, really, Eharmony? I am a 32 year old woman who is well-educated, has a good job making decent money and you want to match me with a 28 year old “sign holder?” Screw you !
Are you my soul mate? I sure hope not…
Conclusion: Maybe I don’t know what I want.
Has anyone else ventured into this world yet? Are you finding it to be as horrifying/ hilarious as I am? Also, does anyone know any cute guys ages 27-37 that are at least 6ft tall, funny and have a job that doesn’t include twirilling a sign at the intersection of a busy street? If so, send them my way.
