The title of this post is: Let Me Introduce You to the Other Austen Guys.
Subtitle: DARCY IS NOT THE LAST BISCUIT ON THE PLATE.
Postsub: GET OVER DARCY ALREADY; HE’S MOSTLY AN INSUFFERABLE ASS.
Whew. I needed to get all that out. Lately, I feel like I am the only person in the world aware of the face that Jane Austen wrote SIX novels, not one. That contained within those other novels are AT LEAST a dozen gentlemen in cravats worth swooning over. And that maybe … just maybe … a few of them are worlds hotter than Fitzwilliam Darcy.
We are inundated with Pride and Prejudice stuff. Darcy is everywhere, all of the time. Jamie did this great post on Lost in Austen, and I started watching it and couldn’t get through it … not because Jamie was wrong about it, but because UGH more DARCY. I love LOVE Out of Print Clothing (and have several shirts and sweatshirts), but it really bugs me that the only Austen title available is YOU GUESSED IT: P&P. I rewatched You’ve Got Mail a few months ago (a favorite movie) and gave Meg Ryan a giant eyeroll when she’s talking about P&P being her favorite novel. Blog post after blog post talking out the sides of their mouth (and their butts) about which Darcy is better: Firth or McFadyen. WHO CARES? They are both stilted dickbags.
And ok, I get it; Darcy is kiiind of a Baldwin. I may have even once upon a time written a post about Darcy myself. But it needs to stop. Pride and Prejudice is everywhere, and while it’s great, it would be like theatre companies only ever doing Romeo and Juliet. It’s becoming trite, commonplace, BORING. The new novel Longbourn, which is supposed to be awesome, is a retelling of P&P from the servants’ point of view. The Lizzie Bennett Diaries was an award-winning internet sensation. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies outsold it’s Sense and Sensibility counterpart. The aforementioned Lost in Austen. Austenland. Every single Austen fanfic turned novel on the shelf at Barnes & Noble. They are all P&P. I’m done.
So here is a short introduction to the Austen novels some of you haven’t read. The BBC adaptations you haven’t watched. When you’re done with this post, go make fan stuff for them. PLEASE.
Mr. Tilney says awesome stuff
Remember how the first half of P&P, Darcy is just standing around being diffident and rude? In Northanger Abbey, Henry Tilney on the other hand, is being polite, witty, kind of silly and actually courteous to Catherine Moreland. And since we are all about the books around here, Tilney is the Austen hero who was chosen for this awesome line:
When did we see Darcy read? Never-ish.
Mr Knightley’s a silver fox
I’m not sure any adaptation I’ve ever seen of Emma focuses on the fact that George Knightley is SEVENTEEN years older than Emma. He’s 37 when the novel begins, and you know what that means: older man hotness. If I was 20 like Emma? I may not be into it. I can see why she thinks of Knightley as an older brother type. It could be all that chastising and berating he does to her as well. But then he brings the swoons.
Anyway, maybe their story isn’t quite as dramatic as Darcy and Elizabeth’s, what with Knightley’s steady presence and advice. But in the new web series, Emma Approved, Knightley looks like this:
Case: CLOSED.
The Bad Boy is a Trope for a Reason
If I’m going to talk about Sense and Sensibility, I suspect you think I’ll say something about Edward Ferrars quiet, unassuming love for and understanding of Elinor, and his appreciation for her strength. Maybe his indelible honor. Or how Colonel Brandon is willing to ensure Marianne’s happiness at the cost of his own. But nope. I think Colonel Brandon is pretty boring, and Edward is largely absent for most of the novel. Let’s remember the true hottie of S&S: Willoughby. THIS FINE PIECE.
Sure, he’s basically only interested in himself and his own pleasure. He can’t be relied upon. But isn’t that kind of the thrill of the bad boy? I mean, he’s into Shakespeare and poetry and passion and art. He can TEACH you things. And sure, it sucks when he walks away, but you had an EXPERIENCE with Willougby. And that’s hot.
Nobody Beats Wentworth
Nobody. Wentworth and Anne’s story in Persuasion is my absolute favorite. We get dropped down in the middle of their saga … years after they fell in love, Anne rejected Wentworth’s proposal, and he left to go to sea. When he returns he’s hurt and bitter and trying SO HARD not to love her still.
Look at that hurt bb, getting a spark of hope
Despite actually going against his nature and attempting to be an insensitive a-hole, Wentworth cannot help but be silently by Anne’s side, falling in love with her all over again, despite his broken heart. I LOVE HIM. And did I mention that Persuasion has letters? OH YES.
Trust me, Wentworth’s declaration beats Darcy’s “Cease my agony and consent to be my wife” by a MILE.
Can’t keep his hat on cuz he knows he’s about to EAT HER FACE
The only thing I need now to bring my Wentworth love full circle is to a) see my bb, Sam Heughan play him and b) get me some M-rated fanfic prequel style. Someone out there needs to write me Wentworth and Anne’s first falling in love story. I need that so hard.
Who’s your favorite Austen guy? Is Rupert Penry-Jones KILLING it in those gifs or what? Comments that Darcy is OMG 5EVA THE BEST will be deleted*.
*not really, but I will eyeroll you
