Still not sure what Outlander is or why we care? Where have you been the last several months? How can I put this in fangirl terms for the rest of you? Basically, we are going to a Q&A panel with The Stephenie Meyer, The Wyck Godfrey, The Couagrita Hardwicke, and The Robsten of the Outlander series. We’re hoping for video evidence of the equivalent of The Elusive Mattress Audition.
So, on top of everyone being incredibly excited, we’ve noticed a little trend making itself known in the Outlander fandom: we’ve coded it, PNC or Peeps Need Clarification. The very first announcement said something crazy-town like “LIMITED ENTRY” – in all caps nonetheless – and somehow no one figured out this might mean they might not get in. Thankfully, Starz clarified that by getting a bigger venue. And just this week, they sent out final arrival information so everyone would know the full deal on lining up, bringing books to sign, who gets a lock of Caitriona’s hair for their dragonfly locket, etc.
BUT … I think That’s Normal, as fandom professionals — veterans of Tent City, ComicCon, movie premieres and many a scary online friend gathering — can tell that these rules need a little BETWEEN THE LINES clarification. So, to make sure that all Outlander fans are well prepared for Saturday, we decided to take our vast fandom event knowledge and apply it to all this industry speak. Therefore, I give you:
HOW NOT TO FANDOM:
A Between-the-Lines Reading of the
Outlander Fan Gathering Rules
1. “DO NOT LINE UP BEFORE 12PM ON SATURDAY, JANUARY 11th. Security will be present and will not allow any lines to form prior to this time.”
You would think queue-ing for a line is something we all learned the basics of in kindergarten, but this obviously has subtext. The ALL CAPS IMPERATIVE is totally a *Jamie wink* to the cool kids to read between the lines: other people can’t line up before noon, BUT YOU CAN.
In fact, it’s totally cool if only one person in your party of twelve holds a spot for everyone. Your +11 friends can just stroll up any time and piggy back on that spot you’ve been holding for 2 hours, and no one will take issue at all. I mean, you can’t all be expected to coordinate in one place and then get in line together, right? Right.
And “won’t allow any lines to form” is urban dictionary for “do approximately 15 slow drive-bys past the venue between 11:45 and 11:58, and at the last minute have everyone pile out of your vehicle like a clown car to get top spots at the door.” As for “security” … well, that’s just code for Sam coming by to give each fan a good ten minutes personal time while they wait for the doors to open. It’s totally cajj.
2. “Doors will open at 2:30PM. Guests will be escorted into the venue on a first come, first serve basis.”
There’s a secret VIP entrance around the corner. It’s got a wrought iron gate. Trust me, line up there. And remember those rules about clown-carring it with your 16 best friends. That’s exactly what the comma between first come and first serve is all about.
3. “You may bring stools or folding chairs to make your wait more comfortable.”
I don’t know about you guys, but when someone tells me to make my wait more comfortable, I grab one of these:
But since that’s kind of impractical, let’s be real about what they are saying here: bring your favorite teak picnic set, bean bag chair, or inflatable love seat. Have a sit down. Make a nice little circle with 15 of your closest internet friends, play Outlander Boggle, knit Sam a hat. Bring a generator and hook up your 24 inch Toshiba so you can watch your VHS bootleg of Outlander: The Musical. Make what’s supposed to be a line up queue your own personal living room instead. Get comfy.
4. For any guests with disabilities, please notify security upon arrival after 12PM of your special requirements.
Make sure they know that you have a doctor’s note about sitting in the back (bad for your eyes) and that you had a long flight, so you need front row seats to stretch your legs. That you need a special dispensation to be let in early so you can pump your milk. Or that you can’t sit next to anyone who had cheese in their omelet at brunch. You know, legit disabilities.
5. Cameras are WELCOMED. We want you to capture all of your favorite memories!
By all means, capture all your memories during the panel … the same one that will be live-streamed and then online for posterity. You should really hold your iPad up above forehead level for the entire Q&A so you get every.single.shaky.moment on your personal device. The people around you can just watch it online later so they won’t mind.
This could be YOU!
But you know what’s really welcomed? Those tiny, hidden cameras in all the men’s room stalls. I mean, if your favorite memories do not involve the hiking of a kilt or two, why are you coming?
6. No autograph signings will be allowed.
Except for you. Because you have that first edition CrossStitch. No one else has a book that means anything to them that they would love to have Diana and Sam and Caitriona sign.
Oh, and except for you because you brought that laminated manip of Sam looking down at that girl from Christmas Princess that you mashed up together with that shot of Caitriona from that music video where she’s crying. It’s priceless. It’s art. Get.It.Signed.
7. Dress code is casual.
You know what that means?!?!
Just kidding! No one will be in Mom Jeans. But we will be in these:
8. Tea service will be served at the conclusion of the panel discussion.
This is fandom code for: Sam will be taking pics and giving hugs to each and every one of us. During your lengthy, 3-minute moment alone with him, feel free to fumble with the picture app on your phone, trying out the different settings and filters before you find just the right shot of the two of you. Take several just to be sure you look perfect. And as far as posing goes, touching is not only allowed … it’s encouraged. Get a good death grip on Sam’s left pectoral muscle, then let your hand drift slowly to his naval for that second take. It is in no way weird to touch someone on the torso when you’ve never met them. Ask a pregnant lady.
9. Name tags will be provided.
But bring your own. Large one. Laminated. I actually advise printing your Eventbrite confirmation out and pinning it to your JAMMF DOES IT IN THE HEATHER t-shirt like a runner’s number. You probably won’t get in without that.
The Fine Print
We don’t want to leave you hanging without at least a cursory view of every subtext here. So, here is what isn’t quite so explicitly stated.
Identify Yourself: Originally there was a directive to bring your ID in order to get in. Despite its omission from this latest list of rules, definitely make sure to being your identification. And by identification they mean, your complete, charted ancestry, including but not limited to no less than 2 direct links to Scottish Highlanders, preferably with verifiable documents. In a binder. With tabs. Or on one of those tri-fold science fair posters.
Q&A Etiquette: They didn’t really address this. So, let’s just take care of that real quick. Bring lots of coats, purses, camera bags and other personal belongings to save seats and generally just take up a ton of space. Save as many seats as you can, even if you have to take your shoes off to do it.
Be sure to yell really loudly right when any video clips start playing. It’ll be really cool to miss stuff because everyone is screaming and trying to figure out how to get their cameras to video in iOS7.
Also, if you get a chance to ask a question, the BEST ONE is always “Hey, can you guys read/act out a sex scene from the book for us?” It’s always so fun, never even a little bit awkward. I mean, they’re actors, and so used to reading straight narrative out loud without blocking or dialogue. Better yet: have a print out ready of your favorite scene. You like the oxter one, right? I knew it.
The second best type of questions are really personal ones about Sam and Cait’s love lives. Especially if they have any real life chemistry. It’s totally your business.
Plan some really great ice-breakers for when you get to talk to Ron and Diana.
And lastly, make sure to tell Caitriona how much you have in common, like cats and following Hannah Simone on instagram. Be sure to tell her you would be best friends if she would just follow you on twitter. Make sure to bring everyone something homemade. And as for Sam, well.
That’s a mystery. But shave your legs, just in case.
Seriously, this is going to be the BEST DAY. We are (mostly) kidding about all of this. We’ve seen some INSANE fandom stuff go down at events like this one, and to be honest, we’ve seen some crazy shizz out there from some of the people going this weekend. We are excited to laugh or be totally second-hand embarrassed.
We cannot wait to have fun and meet so many of YOU, and bring back hilarious stories and fangirly moments for those of you who can’t make it. Don’t forget to follow us on twitter and insta (@Thats_Normal and @bethorne) for updates, where we are in LA, real quick selfies and fangirl ridiculousness. And from what we hear the official hashtag is #OutlanderInvadesLA so we’ll be hijacking that real soon.
Also, January 11th is Diana’s birthday, so that will be fun. It might also be mine. Maybe. I might also believe this was a deliberate sign from God that I am the coolest Outlander fan of all time. Maybe.
OMG YOU GUYS IT’S ALMOST HERE!
