1. A murphy bed
Lord knows the TN crew has made fun of me enough for my tiny bed situation (it was an illusion!). I’ll give ’em this: trying to fit a bed into my tiny apartment sucks. It would just be so much easier to if my bed only took up space when needed. Murphy beds usually conjure images of bad 1970s railroad car apartments, but they’re pretty damn practical. Even Vincent Kartheiser from Mad Men is on the temporary bed train:
2. Jeans that will fit in the winter AND summer
I’m rocking some not-so-adorable love handles right now, and my jeans are feeling the winter squeeze. I don’t want to have to buy new jeans for my juicier self! I want magic jeans that can handle my winter hibernation booty as well as my leaner summer self. Santa? Come on, man.
3. A matching pair of socks
Just one pair. Please. I know most people groan at the idea of socks for Christmas, but I have a sock problem. And by “problem,” I mean “sock-eating gremlin.” It’s not my fault! My apartment is where socks come to die. I need a Birchbox for socks only.
4. Beth’s metabolism
See #2.
5. All the stamps
I avoid the post office like the plague. Don’t understand it, can’t explain it, but I’ve come to accept it. Give me all the stamps so that I never have to go to that God-forsaken place again.
6. Plates and glasses
Yep, I’ve been drinking wine out of coffee mugs like a real class act. I live by myself with no dishwasher, so this whole “two plates is enough” thing has worked for a while, but I need to man up and get some plates and wine glasses for when the rest of these lushes come to visit.
I think the moral of this story is: I need to be better about making wish lists! And be better at inventing things like magic jeans. Working on it, people. Hope you had a fantastic Christmas, you lovely weirdos! What’s a weird “real life” thing you wish you had gotten?
